I Asked My Boyfriend For His Phone Password & He Wouldn’t Give It To Me

I thought that having my boyfriend’s phone password would make me feel closer to him and that it would be another way he could demonstrate his commitment to me. My boyfriend refused, much to my initial dismay, but it was probably for the best.

  1. I only wanted his phone password to dig for stuff that doesn’t exist. It’s easy to get caught up in the abundance of stories about unfaithful guys and how their partners found out they were stepping out on them by going through their phones. Initially, when I asked for the password, I was hoping my boyfriend would give it to me and that would show that he had nothing to hide, but he rightfully questioned my intentions because I was looking for something that wasn’t even there.
  2. He’s given me no reason to question his loyaltySince we started dating, my boyfriend has been faithful, honest, and loving as far as I know. He told me that for him, it would feel like he’s being preemptively punished for something he’s never given me a reason to question. I can respect that because if the roles were reversed, I’d feel the same way.
  3. If he was being shady online, it’d bite him in the butt eventually. If Khloe Kardashian and Tristan Thompson aren’t the prime examples of this then I don’t know a better representation. The internet isn’t so anonymous anymore and if I really wanted to know what my guy was up to online or who he was texting, I could easily find out. For a $50 fee, there are services that will get you a ton of information on an individual if you really need it. Keep that in mind the next time you think you need your partner’s phone password, ladies!
  4. My sleuthy girlfriends can find out information if necessary. Along the same lines, I also have expertly sleuthy girlfriends with investigative skills rivaling that of the FBI and the CIA. They will use those skills when necessary. The point is, it’s not hard to discover when a partner is being shady—the password isn’t even necessary.
  5. We need our individual privacy. My boyfriend and I are super close and have a wonderful relationship, but we both appreciate the importance of individual privacy. My boyfriend didn’t want to give me his phone password because he felt like it would blur the lines of our individual personalities. We already share so much and will continue to share things as we build our relationship and entwine our lives. That being said, we can keep certain things to ourselves and still be a loving, faithful and close couple.
  6. Boundaries are super important in any close relationship. Whether it’s access to your phone, computer, or bank account information, some things should be off-limits. It’s not that I can’t ever use my boyfriend’s phone or vice versa, but there’s something about having unfettered access that seems wrong. We use our phones for so much more than just calls now. For example, some people use it as a journal or to keep confidential information. Maintaining boundaries on access to this information is important.
  7. Neither of us wants to feel monitored. My boyfriend expressed that giving up his phone password would make him feel like I was monitoring him and I quickly agreed that I wouldn’t want to feel that way either. Your partner shouldn’t be your personal Big Brother.
  8. I definitely wouldn’t want him to see the messages between me and my friends. My friends and I are pretty crude with each other in text messages. We basically speak in inside jokes and we aren’t always the prime examples of what it means to be ladylike. Without context, so much of what we say to each other may easily lead to hurt feelings and miscommunication. I’m sure it’s the same way with my boyfriend too regarding conversations with his friends.
  9. I know firsthand about misusing this kind of information. I truly hate to admit it, but when I was younger, I logged into my ex-boyfriend’s email account because he’d given me the username and password at an earlier point in time. Our breakup was messy and deeply hurtful, so I justified using his credentials to dig for information because of the way that I was feeling about our split. While I did find things I wasn’t too happy about, it’s something that I regret and something I don’t plan on doing again in the future because it completely ruined an opportunity for us to ever be friends or even acquaintances. The fact that I did something like that is proof enough that anyone can invade someone’s privacy if they’re hurt enough. I don’t want to ever get to that point with my boyfriend.
Marie is an ambitious millennial woman, leading a corporate life by day and doing her best to live, laugh and love.