So Many Strong Women Always Attract Weak Men — What Gives?

You’re incredibly strong, smart, and independent — in other words, you’re a total catch. You’d think this would attract guys who are on your level, but in fact, it seems to be the complete opposite. In fact, strong women seem to attract weak men at an alarming rate. What’s up with that? Here are some reasons these sub-par guys may be pulled into your orbit.

  1. Opposites attract. I suppose people are attracted to what they aren’t, or at least what they aspire to be. You find yourself falling into the trap of accepting the attention of weak men because they are very complimentary and appreciative of your strength. Everyone likes to be admired, right? Weak men like strong women because you have all the power they aspire to gain. Meanwhile, strong women find themselves allowing weak men into their lives because they offer admiration and adulation and cater to your wishes.
  2. They’re looking for replacement mothers. This is the icky side of things. Weak men want a mother figure, someone who will tell them what to do and where to be and how to live. They love this mindless existence. I suppose it’s much the way it goes with weak women and their daddy figures. It’s dysfunctional and, in my opinion, a weird and creepy relationship dynamic. Reminder: women are not rehabilitation centers for emotionally stunted men.
  3. Weak men like being intimidated by their partners. It allows them to maintain their secondary position and refuse to take responsibility for anything. We always end up with these passive sorts of guys and it’s fun at first that they’re so accommodating. Then it gets annoying because honestly, who wants to be with someone who keeps telling you that you intimidate them? How can we respect that person?
  4. They think they can rely on you. As a strong woman, you handle your business. This makes you a shiny, pretty target for men who don’t want to handle anything! Sorry to that man, but you’re not going to do his laundry or balance his bank account. Even worse, a lot of them can handle that crap but not their emotional baggage. It’s not your job to do any of that for him. Ain’t happening.
  5. They need full-time therapists. Speaking of which… yeah, the emotional baggage can get weird. These weak men often don’t talk to anyone about their inner problems. You always fall into the trap of feeling flattered that they want to share their deepest darkest secrets with you. Before you know it, you’re their only outlet for their emotions and you have this weirdly unhealthy and unbalanced one-sided relationship. They trust you, and then you get annoyed with them for unloading on you constantly.
  6. They’re drawn to your ambition and success. Just like some women look to sugar daddies for stability and comfort, these weakling men look to strong women who they hope can guide their lives. You’re not here to take care of men, you’re here to stand alongside strong men. Still, time and time again, you get caught up with a man who isn’t on your level. To be fair, sometimes they’re masquerading as strong and confident men on the outside!
  7. You’re not worried about chasing them. As a busy and motivated woman who could care less about finding a man, you’re the ultimate chase. It intrigues all men when a woman doesn’t want to be wooed, but even more so the subordinate type. He’s interested in figuring out how to make you chase him even when you’re not planning on it. Somehow you find yourself making moves on passive men that you usually wouldn’t even give a second look. How do they do it? It’s some kind of weird mind game and it works.
  8. They are just fine with letting you take the reins. You like being in charge, at least in the beginning. You’re generally in charge of your own life anyway, so why not with a man? That thrill wears off quickly when you ask him to make a decision, any decision, and he simply can’t. Ugh. You want to be pursued, but you get impatient so you do all the work in the beginning. This leads to an undesirable pattern where he lets you take the lead in all things.
  9. You’re not afraid to let them know you’re interested. This is a passive man’s wet dream. He doesn’t like doing any work, and now he doesn’t have to do it! Even if you don’t actively chase a guy, because you do hate doing that, you’ll make it clear that you’re interested in him pursuing you. If he still won’t take the bait, his loss. If you’re feeling particularly desperate and lonely, you’ll basically make him ask you out. You hate to admit it, but it doesn’t count as him taking the initiative if you give him all the groundwork to get there.
  10. You’re the ultimate prize. When a man gets with a strong woman like you, he’s won. Plain and simple. If that man is not even close to being on your personal or professional level, he’s won tenfold. He figures that as long as he keeps you relatively happy, he can lie back and rest on his laurels. His work is done. He doesn’t have to wait anymore for any other woman to come along and put up with his crap. It’s all taken care of because he’s got you. It’s time to stop doing this! Strong women may attract weak men, but you need to hold out for guys who are on your level.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at