You might feel like you have bucketloads of self-assurance, but does your behavior show that, or does it actually make you seem way less confident than you are? If you’re doing any of the following things, you could be sending the message that you’re riddled with insecurities and that you don’t back yourself, and who wants that?
1. Constantly apologizing for everything (even when it’s clearly not your fault)
Saying sorry for every little thing can make you seem unsure of yourself. It’s like you’re always expecting to make a mistake. Sure, apologize when it’s actually needed, but don’t make it a default response. Start by catching yourself before you apologize. Replace “sorry” with “thank you” when appropriate, like saying, “Thanks for waiting!” instead of “Sorry I’m late!” This switch helps you maintain a positive and confident attitude. It shifts the focus from fault to gratitude, which is always a good look. Plus, this small change in language can significantly impact how others perceive your confidence level.
2. Avoiding eye contact
Not looking people in the eye can be a sign of low confidence. It might seem like a small thing, but eye contact is powerful. It shows you’re engaged and sure of yourself. If direct eye contact feels too intense, start by looking at the bridge of the person’s nose. Practice with friends or in the mirror. Gradually, you’ll get more comfortable with maintaining eye contact during conversations. Remember, you don’t have to stare; just occasional, steady eye contact during a conversation can make a big difference. This practice will help you appear more confident and attentive.
3. “Joking” that certain people are “out of your league” (we can help with this)
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4. Over-explaining yourself
Do you find yourself giving long explanations for your actions or decisions? That’s a common sign of lacking confidence. You don’t owe everyone an in-depth explanation. Keep your responses clear and concise. Trust that your decisions are valid without needing to justify them constantly. This doesn’t mean you can’t explain yourself when necessary, but be mindful of the difference between sharing and over-justifying. Being concise shows that you’re confident in your decisions. Plus, it keeps conversations straightforward and effective.
5. Hesitating to speak up when you have something to say
If you’re always waiting for the perfect moment to say something, you might come off as not confident. Don’t wait for a silence or a perfect prompt. Jump into conversations when you have something to add. Start small if big groups intimidate you. Share your thoughts in smaller, more comfortable settings. Remember, your opinions and ideas are just as valuable as anyone else’s. Speaking up more often will build your confidence over time. And who knows, what you have to say might be exactly what someone else needs to hear.
6. Playing with your hair or fidgeting
Fidgeting or playing with your hair can make you seem nervous or anxious. It’s a physical manifestation of discomfort. Being aware of these habits is the first step to stopping them. Try to keep your hands still, or find a less noticeable way to channel your nervous energy. Practicing mindfulness can help you become more aware of these habits and eventually control them. Finding a discreet way to keep your hands occupied, like holding a pen, can also help. Remember, it’s about projecting calmness and assurance, both for your own benefit and for others around you.
7. Making yourself small
Literally shrinking yourself, like hunching over or crossing your arms tightly, can make you appear less confident. Your body language speaks volumes. Try adopting a more open and relaxed posture. Stand or sit up straight with your shoulders back. This not only makes you appear more confident but also helps you feel it. Practicing good posture can have a surprisingly positive effect on your self-confidence. It’s also good for your health. Think of it as power posing; when you physically open up, it can mentally open you up to feeling more self-assured.
8. Speaking too quickly
Rushing through your words can signal that you’re nervous or unsure of yourself. Take a breath. Slow down your speech. It shows that you believe what you’re saying is worth listening to. Plus, it makes you easier to understand. When you speak more slowly, it gives the impression of thoughtfulness and confidence. And hey, if you trip over your words, no biggie. Just pause, smile, and continue at your own pace. This deliberate manner of speaking also allows your listeners to really absorb and reflect on your words.
9. Downplaying your achievements
It’s one thing to be humble, but constantly downplaying your achievements can make you seem less confident. Own your successes. You worked hard for them. When someone compliments your work or achievements, respond with a simple “Thank you, I’m really proud of it.” You don’t have to brag, but acknowledging your efforts and successes is perfectly okay. It shows that you value yourself and your work, and that’s a key part of confidence. Celebrating your victories, big or small, builds self-assurance and encourages you to aim higher.
10. Never sharing your opinion
If you rarely share your opinions, people might think you’re not confident in your ideas. It’s okay to have and voice a perspective. If you disagree with something, express it in a respectful way. Your viewpoint is as valid as anyone else’s. By contributing your thoughts, you demonstrate confidence in your understanding and judgment. And who knows, your insights might be just what the conversation needs. Sharing your views can also spark interesting discussions and deepen your connections with others.
11. Always looking for reassurance
Constantly seeking validation from others can be a sign of low confidence. Trust in your abilities and decisions. It’s okay to seek advice or feedback, but don’t rely on others to affirm every choice you make. Believe in your capability to handle things. Confidence comes from trusting your own judgment and being comfortable with your choices, even if they’re not perfect. This self-reliance is not only empowering but also reduces dependence on external validation.
12. Not standing up for yourself
If you let others walk all over you, it might seem like you lack confidence. Stand up for yourself in a calm and respectful way. It’s important to set boundaries and stick to them. This shows that you respect yourself, and in turn, others will too. You don’t have to be confrontational; just assertive. Remember, your feelings and needs are just as important as anyone else’s. Being assertive also helps you gain respect and sets a precedent for how you expect to be treated.
13. Using qualifiers in your speech
Phrases like “I’m no expert, but…” or “This might be wrong, but…” can undermine your confidence. They signal that you don’t trust your own knowledge or opinions. Drop the qualifiers. Speak with certainty. If you’re sharing an opinion or something you’re not 100% sure about, it’s okay. Everyone’s learning. Expressing your thoughts confidently doesn’t mean you’re dismissive of others’ views. By removing these qualifiers, you convey a stronger, more assured presence in your conversations.
14. Avoiding making decisions
Shying away from making decisions can make you seem less confident. It’s okay to take your time to make a thoughtful choice, but don’t avoid it altogether. Making decisions, big or small, shows you’re capable and self-assured. You won’t always make the perfect choice, and that’s fine. What’s important is showing that you can take charge when necessary and are willing to own the outcomes. This assertiveness in decision-making is often seen as a hallmark of leadership and self-confidence.
15. Always deferring to other people even if you know better
If you always let other people choose, lead, or speak first, it can come off as a lack of confidence. It’s fine to follow sometimes, but take the lead now and then. Suggest ideas, choose the restaurant, initiate plans. This shows you’re confident in your preferences and choices. You don’t have to dominate, just participate actively. It’s about finding a balance between leading and following. Stepping up occasionally demonstrates that you are an active, engaged, and confident member of any group or relationship.
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