Being On My Own Isn’t Ideal But I’m Handling It Just Fine

I’m not going to lie: I don’t really like being alone. I’d much rather be in a satisfying relationship than sitting at home on my own on a Friday night, wishing I had a boyfriend to share the delicious pizza I’m eating. However, just because I don’t like being alone doesn’t mean I’m afraid to be — I’ll be just fine until the right guy comes along.

  1. I’d rather be alone than unhappily attached. Being alone might suck sometimes (like when there’s a spider the size of my hand in the bathroom), but I’ll take it over a horrible alternative: being with someone who doesn’t make me happy. That would be the absolute worst thing I could do to my life. Eventually I’ll meet a guy I click with and it’ll make all the loneliness worth it. Until then, I’d rather not put myself through any unnecessary stress and drama with guys who aren’t worth my time.
  2. I like to use single time in a powerful wayJust because I’ll openly admit I don’t like being single all that much doesn’t mean I spend my single time moping around the house or listening to Adele until I run out of tears. Please. I like to think of single time as payback from the universe for the time I wasted in crappy relationships — and I use it to do what I want to do.
  3. I thrive on social interaction but… As much as I’d like to connect with that special someone, I’m anti-stupid. I don’t want to waste time I have being with people I just don’t like or who make me crazy. I’m really picky about the type of social interaction I do accept, so the guy I’m with has to be pretty amazing to get me to stick around.
  4. There’s always love around me. Yes, love from friends and family is quite different from that of a romantic relationship, but it’s still valuable and beautiful — and it’s there no matter whether I’m single or taken, reminding me when I’m alone that I’m actually not really alone at all.
  5. I’m more afraid to be with someone toxic, to be honest. I’ll take being single any day of the week over being with a guy who takes advantage of me or who brings black clouds to my life. That is total crap and I don’t have time for that drama anymore. I’d rather have the peace and quiet of being on my own than be with someone who drags me down.
  6. Being alone isn’t the same thing as being lonely. But you know what is? Feeling like you’re all alone in a relationship. Sitting next to the person you’re supposed to be close to and feeling like you’re invisible or that they’re a million miles away even though they’re a hand’s width away on the sofa. That is loneliness.
  7. The connection has to be real or else I’d rather stay single. Just like I’m picky about who I spend time with, I’m seriously fussy about connection. It has to be real and meaningful. It has to be filled with quality conversation and emotional intimacy. That’s what I want; otherwise, I’d rather be alone. Anything less than that connection frightens me much, much more than never finding my perfect guy.
  8. I don’t date just to have someone. I’ve noticed a bit of a trend happening with my friends — they stick with guys they aren’t really even into just so that they can achieve relationship goals or milestones and so that they’re not single in their 30s. I just don’t get what the payoff is. It would be better for me to stay on my own and find my own happiness because they clearly aren’t happy. What’s the point of settling?
  9. I’m the master of my own happiness. Since I’ve been with guys I thought would make me happy but didn’t, I learned really quickly that I have to create my own happiness. That’s awesome both in a relationship and when I’m single because it means that no matter what’s happening, I can choose to have a fabulous time. My ideal situation is being with someone I feel amazing with, but if that isn’t in my life, then at least I know I can still create happiness for myself to enjoy — no man required.
  10. My worth doesn’t depend on anyone but me. What makes me okay with being single is that I don’t need someone in my life to make me feel like a worthy person. That’s just stupid. I know that I’m valuable and lovable whether I’m alone or taken because of who I am. So why should I fear that being alone would somehow take that away from me? It can’t.
  11. When I’m alone, I’ve got other things on my mind. Sure, when I’m single I might find myself daydreaming of a wonderful relationship, but honestly, I forget that I’m single most of the time. I’m too busy doing other things to sit and think about that stuff. I get on with life. There’s no room for fear when life can surprise me at any time.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.