My BFF Is A Guy — And No, We’re Not Hooking Up

I really don’t think it’s a big deal that my best friend is a guy, but lots of people I know seem to disagree. Even though he and I have never been anything but platonic friends, we’re constantly bombarded with questions about when we’re going to start dating “for real” or how long we’ve been sleeping together. Sure, some people really might have secret feelings for their BFF, but for us, these comments are just plain weird.

  1. I see him more as a sibling than anything. He and I share the closeness that you might share with a brother or sister. We have an unbreakable bond, and honestly, even if we were sexually attracted to each other, acting on it wouldn’t feel right. He’s my rock and I’m his, but it’s borderline offensive when people imply that we must have something else going on behind closed doors.
  2. He’s not in the “friend zone”. He and I are both sick of the “friend zone” comments that seem to pop up every time we hang out or post a picture together on social media. Frankly, the idea of him trying to get into my pants is laughable — he’s not just sticking around in the hopes that I’ll one day realize that I actually DO want to have sex with him. Neither of us want anything more than a platonic friendship. End of story.
  3. We know too much about each other. Once you’ve heard all of someone’s dating horror stories and have been exposed to their worst faults for years, it’s kind of hard to see them in a sexual light. I adore my best friend, really, but both of us are well aware that many of our qualities are huge dealbreakers for each other, romantically and sexually speaking.
  4. I’m his “wingwoman” and vice versa. Real best friends try to get each other laid, and we’re happy to do it for each other. Our mutual friends who “ship” us think it’s weird how we actively try to set each other up with hot people, but for us, it’s just common courtesy. I’m not jealous of him when he finds some gorgeous girl to take home — I’m happy for him. That shouldn’t be strange just because we aren’t the same gender.
  5. We have great friend chemistry, but that’s it. As friends, we couldn’t be any better together. We share the same bizarre sense of humor, we know exactly how to make each other feel better when we’re upset, and there’s never a dull moment when we’re together. But just the thought of taking things to a romantic or sexual level with him makes me want to cringe. Not only do I know we’re both into VERY different things (courtesy of all the TMI we exchange on a regular basis), but there’s just nothing about him that puts butterflies in my stomach.
  6. I can appreciate his good looks, but I’m not attracted to him. Do you ever look at some celebrities and think, “They’re gorgeous, but not my type”? That’s how I feel toward my best friend. Objectively speaking, he’s what a lot of girls (and guys, honestly) would consider to be smoking hot. I can look at him and see HOW lots of people would have a huge crush on him, but he just doesn’t do it for me.
  7. We’re not “in denial”. So many of our friends are just waiting for us to admit that we’ve secretly been in love with each other for years, but… no. Just no. We’re not lying to ourselves and each other about our desire to sleep together — we really, really just see each other as pals. At first it was kind of funny to us when people would suggest it, but now it’s annoying.
  8. I love him, but I’m not in love with him. No lie — I’d do just about anything for this guy. He’s stuck with me through both the best and worst times in my life, and he can say the same thing about me. But even though we adore each other as friends, we know that our love for each other is completely platonic. We’re not hanging on to hope that we’ll one day share a passionate night (or lifetime) of romance. I care about him the same way I care about my girlfriends and family members, and nothing could change that.
  9. I couldn’t think of him sexually if I tried. I know this because I HAVE tried to think of him sexually — and then promptly realized I never wanted to again. It’s like there’s a mental block I have that immediately makes my sex drive go into reverse whenever I try to think of him treating me like a lover. I don’t mean that as an insult to him; it’s just they way my body and brain react to the idea of hooking up with someone who’s more like a bro to me than anything else.
  10. This is how it’s always been and will always be. The beginning of our friendship was strictly platonic, the middle has been strictly platonic, and when we finally kick the bucket, we’ll do it as strictly platonic friends. There’s no scandalous past we’re not divulging, no fairy tale ending we’re hoping to achieve together. His friendship is the greatest gift I could ask for, and if spending so much time with him means I’ll have to forever roll my eyes at people when they suggest we’re getting naked together, it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu blue belt. She's currently hanging out in Costa Rica with her cat and a lot of really big bugs.