Being Blunt Is Fine, But Being Bitchy Isn’t. Which One Are You?

I’m sick AF of people who constantly make bitchy comments and write it off as ‘being a blunt person.’ There’s a major difference between being blunt and just being bitchy. Don’t get me wrong, you’re absolutely entitled to your opinion, and you should speak it. But if you’re just being plain nasty, that’s something else entirely. If you consider being “blunt” to be a key component to your personality, ask yourself these questions:

  1. Are you putting someone down? As a blunt person, you should still never have to tear someone down. Being blunt does not equate being unkind. If you’re making your friends or family feel crappy about themselves, thats just plain bitchy. Never leave someone feeling worse than before.
  2. Are you hurting someone? Being blunt means you say what you think. But that doesn’t meant you should be using your words recklessly. If you describe yourself as blunt, ask yourself if you’re actually just hurting those around you. Expressing your thoughts doesn’t give you a free pass to hurt the people you love.
  3. Did anyone actually ask you? Imagine you’re walking down the street and you think, “Wow, what a ugly dress.” Do you think it’s okay to go up to that woman and tell her exactly what you think about that dress? Of course not. Because no matter how ugly the dress is, no one asked you. So what’s the point?
  4. Is it negative? Even though it’s often thought of like that, being blunt doesn’t mean you have to be negative. You could bluntly tell the barista at your local coffee shop that he’s hot. Or bluntly ask your best friend what she likes in bed. Too many people use it as a scapegoat to say negative things. Make sure you aren’t one of them.
  5. Is it going to help anyone? If someone asks you for your honest opinion, give it to them straight (hey, they asked for it right?). But if you’re bestie has already chopped off her gorgeous locks, is it actually going to help her to tell her the look isn’t for her? Definitely not. If you’re just saying something for the sake of it and it’s not going to help anyone, just keep it to yourself.
  6. Are you acting out of love? There’s nothing wrong with being blunt, especially if you need it for the situation. Maybe you’re friend is making a lot of poor decisions and you need to set her straight. That’s acting out of love, for her and your friendship. Ask yourself if you’re being blunt out of love, to help someone, or to help yourself. If not, it’s probably best to keep quiet.
  7. Are you just playing off your own insecurities? Ninety-nine percent of the time, people tear everyone else down because they don’t feel good themselves. They feel unworthy, unlovable, and unsuccessful. So when they see other people succeeding, it can unconsciously make them want to put them down. Next time you’re going to be blunt, ask yourself if it has to do with your own insecurities.
  8. Are you losing friends? If your friends no longer want to be hanging around you, that may be a sign you’re being bitchy, not blunt. The people you surround yourself with are a reflection of you. If you really respect your BFF and she no longer wants to hang with you, take it as a sign that you may need to tone it down.
  9. Are you jealous? When people see others doing really well, they tend to want to stop it because they’re jealous. There’s a reason they call it the green-eyed monster. Jealousy can make you do crazy things, even to the people you love.
  10. Are you defending yourself? If someone is screwing you over, its absolutely justified for you to stand up for yourself. In fact, strong women are constantly having to stand up for themselves when the situation calls for it. But if it’s not hurting you and it’s not hurting them, maybe it’s time to keep quiet.
Piper Ryan is a NYC-based writer and matchmaker who works to bring millennials who are sick of dating apps and the bar scene together in an organic and efficient way. To date, she's paired up more than 120 couples, many of whom have gone on to get married. Her work has been highlighted in The New York Times, Time Out New York, The Cut, and many more.

In addition to runnnig her own business, Piper is passionate about charity work, advocating for vulnerable women and children in her local area and across the country. She is currently working on her first book, a non-fiction collection of stories focusing on female empowerment.