Relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding, and boundaries help maintain both of those things so that relationships can thrive long-term. While everyone has their own unique deal breakers in a partnership, there are certain lines that should never be crossed by anyone under any circumstances. If they are, you need to get out ASAP.
1. Physical Violence
Physical violence — be it hitting, pushing, shoving, or any other form of aggression — is a boundary that should never be crossed. Everyone has the right to feel safe and secure in their relationship, and any form of physical violence is unacceptable and a clear violation of this boundary. It doesn’t matter how heated a situation has become. There’s literally no excuse for anyone putting their hands on you (or vice versa).
2. Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse, including manipulation, gaslighting, or belittling, is not okay. Just because you can’t see bruises doesn’t mean this isn’t as serious – this form can be as damaging as physical abuse, and it’s important to recognize and address it. The physical scarring left behind by an emotionally abusive relationship can stay with you for years to come.
3. Extreme Jealousy
A little bit of jealousy in a relationship is natural, but when taken to the extreme, it can be unhealthy at best and downright dangerous at worst. Trust and respect for each other’s individuality and independence are crucial in a relationship. You shouldn’t need to control or police each other’s actions because you’re insecure in your connection. That’s toxic, and it’s not okay.
4. Invasion of Privacy
Sure, you’re close, but your partner doesn’t have to tell you everything, nor do you need to share everything about yourself. Everyone has the right to their own personal space and privacy, even in a relationship. You don’t have the right to each other’s phone passwords, to read each other’s emails or texts, or to listen in on each other’s phone calls. It’s creepy, inappropriate, and a boundary that should never be crossed.
5. Isolation from Friends and Family
It should go without saying that if your partner is trying to put a wedge between you and the other people in your life that you care most about, there’s a serious problem. It’s important to maintain your relationships and social life outside of your romantic relationship. This kind of isolation is a form of control and can leave you feeling disconnected and lonely if you allow it to happen, so don’t.
6. Disrespecting “No”
“No” is a complete sentence and should be respected. Whether it’s about physical intimacy or any other aspect of life, your partner should respect your decisions and boundaries. Ignoring or dismissing your refusal is a sign of disrespect and a violation of your personal boundaries. If they expect you to accommodate their every whim, you need to get out of the relationship.
7. Blaming You for Their Actions
A partner should never blame you for their actions or mistakes, nor should you point the finger at them for every issue in your relationship. Everyone is responsible for their own actions, and blaming the other person is a clear violation of personal boundaries. This kind of behavior can lead to a toxic cycle of blame and guilt. Who would want to be in a relationship like that?
8. Controlling Your Life
A partner should never try to control your life, including your whereabouts or who you interact with. You should have the freedom to make your own decisions and live your life as you choose. Excessive control is not only disrespectful but can also lead to a loss of individuality and personal freedom. You were doing just fine managing your life before you met them — that shouldn’t change now.
9. Ignoring Your Feelings
Your feelings are valid and should be respected. Your partner should never ignore, belittle, or brush off your emotions. In fact, open and honest communication about what’s going on in your head and heart is a really important part of a healthy relationship. Ignoring your feelings can lead to emotional distance and resentment. It won’t be long before you’re headed for a breakup.
10. Making Unfair Comparisons
Comparing you to other people (their ex, a colleague they seem to be talking about a lot, a friend’s partner…) in a negative or belittling way is a boundary that should never be crossed. Everyone is unique, and unfair comparisons can make you feel inadequate or resentful (or both). This behavior can damage your self-esteem and definitely isn’t conducive to a loving, respectful relationship.
11. Ignoring or Dismissing Your Interests
Your partner should value and respect your interests, even if they don’t share them. Dismissing or belittling what you enjoy is a violation of this boundary. Each person’s interests and hobbies contribute to their individuality, and it’s important to respect that in a relationship. Your relationship would get pretty boring pretty quickly if you didn’t do your own thing sometimes.
12. Financial Control
Trying to control your money or how you spend it is a boundary that should never be crossed. Both partners should have an equal say in financial decisions and access to shared money if you happen to be at that stage in your relationship. Financial control or manipulation can lead to feelings of dependency and can really skew the power balance, which is not a good thing.
13. Incessant Criticism
Constructive criticism is part of growth, but incessant, cruel, or belittling criticism is a boundary that should never be crossed. This can be damaging to your self-esteem and mental health, to say the least — not to mention that it’s just rude and not at all something a loving partner would ever want to do. A relationship should be a place of mutual respect and encouragement. If they dislike so much about you, why are they with you?
14. Forcing You to Change
No one should ever force you to change who you are to be their idea of a perfect partner. Both people should feel accepted and loved for who they are in a relationship. You don’t need to lose your identity or concoct a whole new one to make them happy. If they want a different partner, they should probably go find one.
15. Disrespecting Your Family and Friends
Your partner should respect your family and friends, even if they don’t always see eye to eye. Disrespecting or belittling those close to you is a sign of disrespect towards you as well. This can strain not only your relationship with your partner but also your relationships with your family and friends.
16. Making Important Decisions Without You
In a partnership, important decisions should be made together. If your partner is making significant decisions without your input or consent, this is a boundary violation. This can make you feel excluded and undervalued in your own relationship.
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