For once in my life, I made peace with who I was and wasn’t jealous of my boyfriend’s female friends. I was secure in our relationship and trusted my partner to make decisions that were in our best interest. Unfortunately, that wasn’t what he wanted and ended up dumping me because I lacked the green-eyed monster.
My boyfriend was showing me red flags.
It was only a few weeks after we started dating that I started noticing that he was pretty insecure. For instance, he got offended when I said his hugs were “nice” because he thought I should have used a more complimentary word. Basically, I guess I should’ve expected more insecurity from him.
He introduced me to his best friend.
One day we were at his house when he said, “Hey, there’s my neighbor.” A pretty brunette walked past and said a quick hello. He then said, “She’s my ex.” I said, “That’s cool.” He was not impressed by my chilled attitude and asked me if I was jealous of her. Uh, should I be? Last I checked, he was with me, not her. He claimed other women he’d dated had been jealous of the neighbor but I assured him that wasn’t the case with me, which seemed to confuse him.
He constantly regaled me with tales about the other women in his life.
Honestly, sometimes it felt like he was trying to make me jealous by talking about his female friends. He’d say, “My friend Cathy told me I have gorgeous eyes” or “I can’t go two days without talking to Jessica, my bestie.” I didn’t know why he had to keep telling me these things, and his friends were always coming up in conversation.
I tried to assure him that I was cool with his female friends.
I really believed that too. I’ve always thought that it’s important for a guy to have female friends because they can give him important insight into the female mind. But now, I didn’t believe my own words that I was cool with his friendships, even when I told him that I really was glad he had amazing female friends. Something was happening to me.
He was getting to me.
I felt brainwashed. As time went on, I started to feel jealous of his friends. I don’t know how it happened, but I suddenly wasn’t feeling zen about Cathy or Jessica or his pretty neighbor anymore. I couldn’t help but blame him for this He’d done so much to try to make me jealous. He was always hinting that his female friends were amazing and he was so surprised that I wasn’t jealous of them, which had the effect of making me feel like I had to be jealous. I guess the more he questioned if I was really okay with him hanging out with his female besties, the more I started to doubt myself. Was I really okay with it?
Clearly my insecurities were still there.
Of course, I couldn’t completely blame the guy. It’s not like he was literally planting jealous feelings inside me. I was the one who had those dormant insecurities that could be sparked back to life at any time. The situation was just throwing gasoline on my worries and fears. So much for having left my insecurities and jealousy behind.
That said, it wasn’t cool dating such an insecure guy.
We all have our relationship fears and insecurities, but he was using his own to manipulate me. That’s a totally different and unfair story that I didn’t deserve. I realized that and it was like fireworks went off in my brain. This was huge!
He brought out the worst in me.
I completely changed while dating this guy. I was feeling anxious, jealous, and so insecure about our relationship. He was bringing me down and making me into the worst version of myself. It was like I hadn’t grown at all since being an insecure teenager, and I think he thrived on it!
It’s sick, but he wanted to bring me down.
One night he said that Cathy was drunk after a hectic party so he was going to sleep over at her place, I lost my cool and wish I hadn’t. He was just doing this to make me feel jealous and to give him the power in the relationship. During that phone call, I could hear that he wanted to laugh as I lost my temper. This was sick. I was done.
He said it was over.
It was like he’d read my mind. I hung up on him because I could hear how much he was enjoying my loss of control and thought, “I want to end things.” Then, within a few minutes, he texted me to say it was over because he couldn’t be with someone so jealous. What?!
He did me a huge favor.
When it comes to dating and relationships, there are so many worries and fears that a person can have. The last thing I need is to be with someone who wants to give me unnecessary ones because of their own issues. Cheers, dude, and thanks for nothing.
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