As heartbreaking as it is, sometimes even the best relationships do. Words can’t take away the pain of losing someone you still love, and usually, only time can help you through it. But here are a few things to remember when you’re going through a painful breakup.
Your happiness and well-being in the most important thing.
Your relationship may be over, but it’s not the most important thing in your life, even if felt like it was. Actually, your top priority should always be your happiness and wellbeing, both of which you can achieve without a relationship. In many cases, your relationship may have ended because it was no longer making you happy or serving you. So the end of the relationship may be a positive and necessary change. If you were happy and the breakup was not your decision, know that you will be happy again. You will pick yourself up and things will be okay.
Nothing that’s meant for you will get away.
If you’re a believer in destiny, take comfort in the fact that nothing that’s meant for you will get away from you. In other words, it’s possible your relationship was not meant to be. While that can be difficult to hear, it’s important to embrace. Let go of feeling like you need the relationship you have to survive. You don’t. And if you did, it wouldn’t have ended. The truth is you don’t need a relationship at all to be complete. But if you do crave a relationship, others will come into your life that truly are meant for you.
You can grieve.
Don’t listen to anyone who tells you to “get over” your breakup before you’re ready. Some people think of grief only in relation to the death of a person, but grief is a complex emotion. We feel it when we lose people and when we lose things we love, including a relationship. You can feel sad, and take all the time you need in dealing with that. Please don’t beat yourself up for feeling terrible after your relationship ends. It’s okay to be hurt.
There’s no right way to respond.
There’s no right way to respond to a breakup. Whether you feel absolutely gutted or ready to start dating again in weeks, there’s no right or wrong. The process of dealing with it will be different for everyone. So be patient with yourself and try to resist comparing yourself to other people. As long as you’re not hurting anyone (including yourself), there’s no wrong way to act when relationships end. If something feels right for you, do it.
You never know what might happen in the future.
Breakups can be so painful because they are like a giant door closing on a path you thought you were going to take. Suddenly, all these possibilities you were imagining, like marriage or kids or even moving in together, are now off the table. But remember that anything can happen in the future. A breakup never means never. You can still have all those things you were dreaming about, even if they are with someone else. And sometimes, people do come back together after breaking up. Again, if it’s meant to be, it will be.
What to remember when relationships end
Sometimes, things end so better things will come along.
Have faith in this. Sometimes, a relationship has to end so a better one—the right one—can come along. Doors close so windows can open. Even if you’re nowhere near ready to date again, a breakup could be the Universe’s way of preparing you for something better. When you’re feeling bleak about the future, remember that endings often lead to unexpected beginnings.
It’s okay to be alone.
A lot of people are terrified of breaking up with their partner, not because their partner actually makes them happy, but because they’re afraid of being alone. One of the most important things to know after relationships end is that it’s totally okay to be alone. Don’t feel like you have to jump on a dating app just days after breaking up with someone. Sometimes, being alone is just what you need, even if it’s for the short term.
Life is not a race.
When your relationship ends, you might feel like comparing yourself with other people. You might look at your friends who are going through relationship milestones like engagements and marriage while you’re back at square one. But life isn’t a race. What your friends are doing has nothing to do with you. Just because they’re going through a different stage to you doesn’t mean they’re better than you in any way. And it also doesn’t mean they’re happier than you. Don’t trust everything you see on Instagram!
Life is full of changes.
Changes are scary, but remember that life is full of them. Breakups can be particularly nasty changes, but sometimes they’re necessary too. Use the experience to become stronger and adapt to dealing with change. Your life will keep throwing them at you in one way or another, so it’s important to know how to ride the wave. When the Universe throws you lemons, you have to learn how to adjust.
You will survive.
No matter what you feel like the moment your relationship ends, know that you will survive. Even if it feels like you’re not going to be okay, you are. You were enough before your ex came along, and you are enough without them now. Whatever happens in your future, whether you choose to stay single or get into another relationship, you will be enough then too. Your relationship doesn’t define you.
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