My Boyfriend & I Haven’t Had Sex In Months And Neither Of Is Acknowledging It

It’s not uncommon for couples to go through a dry spell and I’m in a serious drought right now. The thing is, my boyfriend refuses to acknowledge it and I don’t know how long I can keep walking on eggshells around him because of it.

  1. The drought came out of nowhere. We’ve always had a pretty decent sex life—not super nuts because I’m not into that, but certainly very satisfying. Then all of a sudden, he seemed to not be able to concentrate, he’d stop halfway through, or say he’s too tired. I get it—he works really hard and often long hours, but it’s been a couple of months now and I feel like it’s time to address the situation. Unfortunately, he literally clams up anytime I try to bring it up.
  2. Our dog doesn’t help the situation. Our little pooch is very much a part of the family— some would say too much. He sleeps in our bed and is very needy as he’s completely deaf. Unfortunately, we’ve had many fights over the fact that I refuse to keep him out of the bedroom when we’re getting down and my boyfriend can’t concentrate when the dog inevitably starts licking his toes. I understand that he’s a distraction and not really great for getting in the mood, but I can’t bear the thought of him crying outside the door. To me, that’s more off-putting than him staring at us and getting the occasional toe lick in.
  3. He acts like there’s nothing wrong. I don’t understand how he can just act like there’s no issue in our sex life. He tells me he loves me all the time and how he can’t wait to spend the rest of his life with me. The rest of a non-sexual life, maybe?
  4. He still makes sexual innuendos even though we never have sex. He still loves to playfully spank me on the butt while I’m cooking or make a naughty joke but to me, that just emphasizes the fact that we’re not having sex even more. I can’t even watch a movie with a sex scene in it without cringing and feeling embarrassed that we haven’t gotten down in a very long time, yet he’s throwing sexy jokes and spanking around carefree.
  5. I really worry he’s not attracted to me anymore. Obviously and selfishly, I presume it has something to do with me. It’s killing my self-esteem and I’ve never felt so unattractive in my life. What if that really is the issue? Maybe he actually doesn’t find me attractive anymore and never will again. I couldn’t bear that because he means everything to me. I hate that I’ve started to question everything about my appearance, I want him to want me but I also don’t want to change myself to suit him. It’s a moral dilemma.
  6. Of course he’s happy to accept a hand job, though—WTF? This is where I get a little defensive. He doesn’t want to have sex with me but he’s happy to accept a morning hand job? Uh, no, that’s not happening! If he really isn’t attracted to me anymore, I’m sure as hell not going to give him a hand job while he pretends I’m someone else! Forget it, dude.
  7. Maybe our long distance periods have finally taken their toll. Because of his job, we’ve had to do long distance for weeks at a time for the past two years. Thankfully that’s finished for a while and he’s at home more often than not, so maybe we’re just getting used to each other being around all the time. Hopefully, when we get more settled in our new routine, this dry spell will be thrown out the window.
  8. I’m worried it’s something more serious. He really doesn’t want to talk about it and in the back of my mind, I’m secretly scared it’s something medical. Maybe he’s having a problem getting it up and he’s too embarrassed to say so. Maybe it’s stress, I don’t know. All I know is he needs to open up about what’s bothering him because I don’t know how long I can keep pretending I’m OK with the elephant in the room. Besides, if it is something medical, he shouldn’t have to go through that alone. I’m his support system just as much as he is mine.
  9. The company is great so I don’t actually care about not having sex. It’s not like I’m squirming around all the time, desperate for sex. I actually really enjoy his company. We have such a great time together no matter what we’re doing and if I’m honest, I’d choose a massage or a cozy snuggle over sex most days anyway. I guess it’s a little insight into how our relationship might evolve when we’re old and wrinkly and worried about throwing a hip out!
Originally from Northen Ireland, I love to travel and I'm currently based in Paris, France. I'm a full time freelance writer and designer for my brand K Alexandra and a self confessed Paris addict! There's nowhere I'd rather be than the city of light and love with my little Boston terrier always by my side. I adore fashion and keeping up with the latest trends as well as appreciating a perfectly made dirty martini at the end of a productive day!