He’s My Boyfriend Via Text Only & I’m Not Sure If I Love It Or Hate It

I made a random match on Tinder a while back and we hit it off really well. After several weeks of only talking via text, we finally decided to have a real date and it was great! While we’ve only gone out a couple more times since then, I can’t help but feel like he’s my boyfriend because we talk constantly via text.

  1. It’s nice having someone who asks how my day is going. Everyone likes to have someone care about how they’re doing. It’s such a simple and nice way to say, “Hey, I’m thinking about you. Hope you’re doing well.” It’s definitely the type of boyfriend perk I enjoy, knowing someone is thinking about me during their day and wants me to know it.
  2. I enjoy good morning and good night texts. What girl doesn’t? I have to be honest and say I think it’s a bit much for this guy to always be wishing me good morning and telling me to have a good day when we’ve only gone out a few times, but I also really like it and it makes me feel good. Just because I haven’t committed to this guy as my actual boyfriend yet doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy this, right?
  3. It feels nice to get so many text notifications throughout the day. Hearing that ping for a text notification is like a shot of dopamine. “Someone wants to talk to me! How wonderful!” Receiving texts all day long from my not-boyfriend means that I feel those happy vibes all day long. Not that my happiness is solely dependent on my text notifications, but it’s a nice little something to receive if I’m feeling really busy at work or stressed out about something.
  4. We text about an endless number of topics. Thank goodness we can actually carry a solid conversation, otherwise, this textual relationship would have sailed a long time ago. We text about all sorts of topics from politics, movies, and food to existential questions and hypothetical scenarios. It definitely keeps things interesting!
  5. I’m ready for a relationship but not quite ready for the commitment. I love knowing that there’s someone to talk to and update about my day. It’s nice to sort of “play” at having a relationship through texts before actually committing to this guy as my boyfriend. Texting isn’t the same as actually talking to each other, but it helps me get used to carving time out of my day for this person.
  6. Texting doesn’t mean connecting. While there are some positives to this arrangement, I’m never going to know if he could be my real boyfriend unless we spend more time together. I definitely want to go on more dates and see what our chemistry is like, it’s just a matter of finding time when neither of us is working and has a free day to grab lunch or coffee. If anything, it’s the texting that’s convincing me to hold out until we can go on a few more dates before seeing where this is really going.
  7. Texting all day is exhausting. You can’t always be switched on. Trying to keep up interesting conversation all day is pretty difficult. Sometimes my answer to “how’s it going?” is just “it’s going” and that’s about all I can say. Most days are pretty ordinary so there’s not too much exciting news to share from one hour to the next. If only you could set an away message for texting so people wouldn’t get mad at you for not responding for a few hours… or even a few days.
  8. It keeps me tied to my phone. I already have a strong relationship with my phone. It’s always right next to me and I check social media far too often. It affects my productivity and takes a huge toll on my mental health. Texting is great for checking in or actually setting up a date, but beyond that, I’d like to try to break my phone dependence and get some separation from it.
  9. If I don’t respond, I feel like I’m being rude. Sometimes I really don’t have anything to say other than responding with a “haha yeah” or nothing at all. It’s nothing against the guy, but sometimes I just burn out and I don’t want it to come off as being uninterested or bored with the conversation.
  10. It’s not the same as meeting in person. My text boyfriend and I have gone on two dates and they’ve been really solid. Normally I wouldn’t let a date go on for several hours, but we have great conversation in person and that’s ultimately what’s keeping me going with this situation. I’m trying not to feel too put off by texting so frequently because in the end, it’s nice that someone wants to text me so much. He means well and I definitely appreciate the attention. If I can just get some more attention face to face, that could upgrade his status to official boyfriend.
Zoe is a scientist, freelance writer and blogger in Arizona. She enjoys writing about travel, dating, and lifestyle. She loves the outdoors, cooking homemade vegan meals, and connecting with women in STEM. You can check out her travel blog at www.sandoverseas.co.