My boyfriend went on a month-long trip overseas for work, and before he left, I was distraught. We’d never been away from each other for so long and I didn’t know how I was going to feel about it. Well, I shouldn’t have worried. I know this sounds awful, but I didn’t miss him as much as I thought I would. In fact, I didn’t miss him at all.
- I felt like I could finally breathe. You know that feeling when you finally leave a party and you get home to your sanctuary of peace and quiet, slump down on the couch in the dark, and just breathe out a sigh of relief? You’re finally alone and it feels so right; there’s no one to worry about but yourself. That’s how I felt when he was away. I finally got that “me time” I was craving and was reminded of how much I actually enjoy my own company.
- I started thinking about the bigger picture of my life. I started to think in terms of what-ifs. What if I went to school for acting? What if I booked that trip to Ireland I’ve been talking about doing for years? What if I moved to the coast? The world felt so open when I didn’t have to consider another person, I didn’t have to feel bad about being selfish, and it felt really good.
- I liked doing whatever I wanted without answering to someone. It was so cool to choose my own adventure. If I didn’t feel like going out, I just didn’t. If I was invited to meet my friends, I could go out without even thinking. There was no one pressuring me to do stuff I didn’t want to do or to make me feel guilty for not doing “acts of love” for them. I lived by my own rules and it was freaking awesome.
- I was having fantasies of being single again. When your partner goes away for an extended period, it allows you to get a taste of the single life again. I obviously wasn’t acting on these thoughts, but I would just fantasize about random stuff like what would I’d hypothetically do if I was single. It was fun to think about and honestly, it was a really attractive prospect.
- Time away from him made me realize what our relationship was missing. When he was away, I realized that our relationship had been kinda stagnant. We had chemistry and a deep connection, but I realized that we had nothing awaiting us in the future. When he came back, we were just going to go back to what we were doing with nothing to look forward to. It made me realize that we didn’t push each other to be better and to change, which to me is the bedrock of any good relationship.
- So much had changed in my life when he was away. I actually quit my job when he was away and started working from home full-time. That gave me so much time to really reflect on what I really want to do. I wasn’t the same person I was before he left. I suddenly had different goals and I wasn’t sure if I was in a place to both maintain a relationship and start a new career. I felt like I needed to either pick one or the other.
- When he got back, I wasn’t as happy to see him as I thought I would be. When he came home, I was kinda like, “Oh, you… hey…” I didn’t have that feeling that everything was right in the world again now that he was back. It was kind of just back to our boring, normal life. I guess since I was thinking so much about what my life could be without a relationship, it kinda put a damper on my pretend plans when he came back.
- I kinda got the feeling that he didn’t miss me either. When he finally came home, I couldn’t help but notice that he wasn’t totally happy to see me either. Coincidence? Maybe he was picking up on my vibes, but I swear, he looked a little disappointed at our reunion. Perhaps the trip put some things into perspective for him as well.
- It sounds nuts, but I started to resent him once he was back. The things he did and said started to annoy me more than usual. Maybe I was resentful that he just left and came back and we were in this weird place of uncertainty and awkwardness. I didn’t want us to go back to just hanging out but neither of us was doing anything to move the relationship forward. Something had to happen and fast.
- We needed to either reinvent our relationship or let it die. We were kinda in this place of needing to make a move. We either had to fix our relationship or end it completely. When he went away, I was able to really see what I need in a relationship: someone who shares the same values, who wants something long-term, and who takes this relationship seriously. Unfortunately, that wasn’t him.
