Having spent all of my 20s trapped in a damaged relationship, a new relationship situation was simply not on my future agenda. Deeply embedded resentment, daily emotional abuse, and massive financial loss will do that to a person. That’s why being knocked off my feet by someone 13 years my junior was the last thing I expected to happen! Here’s why having a younger boyfriend is a great idea, from a cynical veteran of bad love.
- An age divide is as big as you make it. The preconception that a younger guy won’t be able to relate to your problems/needs is BS, in my experience. Our paths are unique and no one needs that pointless pressure to reach meaningless milestones just for the sake of it. I’ve found that gaps in experience are actually an ideal basis for developing healthier relationship patterns because they encourage honest conversations and are an opportunity to examine my life from a different perspective. I don’t sit around thinking about our age gap every day. It’s simply not on my mind.
- Defying social standards is empowering. In the early stages of my relationship, I worried about being judged… until I remembered that I’m an intelligent, independent human being and DGAF what anyone thinks. I don’t see the point in judging myself by outdated standards and offensive labels, especially those rooted in misogyny. When I decided to ignore the rules and walk my own magnificent path, my life massively improved, as did my love life. Rebelling against these oppressive ideas isn’t just empowering, it’s good for society in general. Love doesn’t conform to rules, so why should I?
- What you think you need and what you actually do are two different things. When you apply strict limitations on your dating choices, you’re less likely to find what you really need. I may have had a list of qualities in mind for my ideal guy but all of that went out of the window when I met my boyfriend. I found someone that happens to fit my personality perfectly and I’d never have found him if I turned my nose up at our age gap.
- The sex is mindblowing. It may be a cliché, but I’ve genuinely found my sex drive has been revolutionized since I turned 30, along with my body confidence and desire to experiment. Dating a younger guy has taken this to the next level. In addition to the beautifully matched lust levels and stamina, younger millennials have been exposed to a far more candid and unprejudiced dialogue about sex during their impressionable years. This removes stigma, improves trust, and opens a world of adventures… trust me on this.
- A modern attitude changes everything. When I was dating men my own age, certain attitudes and behaviors were a turn-off. I’d just discovered my freedom and was excited by the possibilities the world had to offer, whereas my dates often seemed disillusioned by life. The younger millennial male has come of age in a post-recession era, so their expectations of traditional ‘success’ are more realistic. They’ve grown up with the digital revolution so they’re more open and accepting of social development. They’re also more likely to identify as feminists (YES!) and be less influenced by negative gender stereotyping — at least that’s the case with my guy.
- It limits the serious baggage factor. Perhaps you’ve dated a guy so damaged by his ex that your relationship had to compensate. Perhaps you’ve dated a guy with a huge amount of debt that limited your activities. Perhaps you’ve dated a guy with kids whose responsibilities had to be accommodated for. When you date an older millennial, chances are he also comes with baggage that’s not your choice for your ideal future. A younger millennial has had less time to accumulate serious baggage, so you can focus on enjoying each other, and that’s exactly what we’re doing.
- Dating with less pressure is a relief. As women, the pressure to conform to the traditional narrative of finding a partner, getting married and having kids is immense whether those choices are personally appealing or not. In addition to the expectations of our older family members and married friends, our life choices are then shamelessly politicized by the media. If, like me, you’re sick of this unwanted interference, dating someone less likely to join the pressure brigade is a no-brainer. He’s not even thinking about settling down and there’s no pressure to do so, which takes a huge weight off.
- The value of equality is immense. Unfortunately, the struggle for relationship equality is real for many of us. During my last relationship, I was bored of having to break down the barrier of toxic masculinity before my ex would accept the benefit of my input, especially in typically male-dominated areas. With my younger guy, the worth of my life experience is a given and my advice is actually valued. Our 20s are a difficult and formative time, so from my older perspective, being able to aid the journey of someone I love is very rewarding.
- His influence is positive and enlightening. The people we surround ourselves with encourage different elements of ourselves that can have a huge impact on how our personalities are cultivated over time. Seeking new experiences and stepping out of our comfort zones is how we can truly develop as humans. The amazing thing about dating someone younger is the access to new and exciting experiences, and this positive effect filters into every aspect of life.