Chemistry long gone? Can’t decide how to let him go? There are so many different ways to bring a tired relationship to its end. Here are 12 sure-fire ways of getting the message across to Mr. Wrong so that you can get on with finding Mr. Right.
- The Brutal Truth. Call him up and give him the 411. This is perfect for the guy who just won’t get the hint. Lay out your reasons clearly and concisely – and be precise on whether or not this is up for negotiation. If you’re tired of waiting for him to get his act together, this is the perfect solution.
- The Distractor. Take him out to a sports event he likes, or to do something that will semi-distract him. Break the news gently that you’ve enjoyed your time with him, but it’s time to either turn your relationship into a friendship or go your separate ways. Hope the ball game distracts him.
- The Fade Out. If you can’t bear to be up front, take this (admittedly cowardly) route. Stop responding to his messages slowly, and answer his calls less frequently. Have other plans more often. Fade him out until he gets the message. This should seriously be a last-ditch effort, along with the next idea…
- The Houdini. Ghosting is so 2015. Kick it old school and cut him out — block him on your social media accounts, delete his number and do a tricksy disappearing act. The full Houdini. Perfect for selfish losers who don’t know what they’re losing.
- The Digital Dump. If you really can’t bear to see his puppy dog eyes or hear his sad voice when you do the deed, send him a Whatsapp message or a DM and get it done digitally. It’s 2016, after all.
- The Soft Landing. Take all the blame — whatever it is, it’s all your fault. Make the fall a gentle one and make the breakup all about you. Perfect for sensitive souls that you don’t plan on seeing ever again.
- The Disgusted. This is a low-down, dirty way of doing things, but if you’re just too cowardly to be up front, you can try this classic. Allow yourself to be increasingly open and upfront in a way that most ‘men’ would run a mile from. Be gross, and not in a charming way. If he stays, then reconsider dumping him — he might be a keeper.
- The Friendship. Sometimes, the romance isn’t working, but you really do want to keep this person in your life. It can be a difficult place to get to if they still have romantic feelings for you, but it’s worth being up front and genuine if this is the case. Good friends are hard to come by — fight for them if you can.
- The Long Goodbye. For you hopeless romantics, there’s always the long goodbye. Perfect for when you can’t be sure if you’ve made the right decision. This breakup is essentially a ‘holding area’ for your relationship. You’ll try it back on for size a few times before deciding if goodbye is the right choice.
- The Yemen. If you really can’t bear to tell the truth, The Yemen is for you. Make an absolutely outlandish excuse, like you’re moving to another country, or your entire family died, or you just can’t stand men/women/whatever their gender is any more. The bigger the lie, the more shocking and less likely they are to call you on it. This is an incredibly unhealthy breakup method, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
- The Final Word. For you drama queens out there, The Final Word is a breakup method you’ll be familiar with. Endless arguments, high-strung conversations and passionate sex are all on the cards. But when it comes down to it, the relationship ends once you’ve said your piece and stomped out before they have a chance to get a biting response in. You got this.
- The Regret. We’ve all had this one. You break up, go your separate ways, or stay friends for years and years — but once it’s too late, you realize you’ve made a terrible mistake. The Regret is the worst of all break ups: most often, there’s no way to come back from it, and it will haunt you for years. The one good thing about The Regret is that you know you’ve experienced something special, fragile and beautiful, that few of us are lucky enough to try on for size.
