I Broke Up With The Man I Thought Was The Love Of My Life & I’ve Never Been Happier

For years, I was with a guy who I really thought was The One. We had plans to get married, have kids, and be old people together. I thought the end of our relationship spelled the end of my happiness, but instead, the opposite happened: I became the happiest single person in the world.

  1. I really just loved the idea of forever. If I’m being honest with myself, he wasn’t the one I was really in love with. Instead, I was infatuated with the idea of true love, fairy tale romance, and all that other good stuff. I think I always knew deep down that if I were to be with him and only him for the rest of my life, we’d both be miserable — I just couldn’t admit it to myself.
  2. We’d changed too much by the end. We were in our early twenties when we got together, and looking back, both of us were completely different people than we were once things ended. The people we are now would never even date, much less dream of getting married to each other. I’d never claim that we were “never happy with each other”, because we were at one point. But by the time we ended things, there was no denying that we’d both be better off alone than together.
  3. I didn’t realize how much of myself I’d lost by being with him. As time went on and we fought more and more, I felt my brain becoming scrambled by trying to make him happy and hold our relationship together. I went from being someone who was strong and put herself first to someone who compromised on her own values just to make her partner happy. It wasn’t until we broke up that I began to truly remember who I was before I’d lost myself trying to keep the man I’d loved.
  4. I was way too young. Sometimes I look back at the young woman I was then and laugh — the person I am now would NEVER want to spend her life with someone like my now-ex. I was young, naive, and had a head and heart full of puppy love. I would’ve beat myself up over it if I’d actually gotten engaged or married to this guy. I really had no idea what I was doing or dreaming of, and the older, more mature me can see that now.
  5. We were only temporary soulmates. Believe it or not, I don’t think that I was NEVER meant to be with this guy. I really believe we were meant to be together… just not for the rest of our lives. He was who I needed at the time and vice versa, but our love wasn’t ever meant to last. I have no regrets about loving him, and I don’t consider our time together to be wasted, but I wouldn’t be saying the same thing if we’d committed to each other for the rest of our lives.
  6. I kind of love the single life. When I was with my ex, the prospect of being alone scared me. I thought I’d be miserable if we broke up, which is one reason I hoped so desperately that we never would end our relationship. But now that I’m single again, the idea of settling down doesn’t appeal to me at all. I love the freedom that it brings, and it makes me even happier that I’m not tied down to someone for the rest of my days.
  7. Time and distance has helped me see his flaws.  You know how it is — when you’re madly in love with someone, they seem perfect. I knew this guy had his “quirks”, but they were nothing I wasn’t willing to ignore in the name of true love. Now that we’re apart, though, I wonder how I ever put up with them for so long. A lot of the things I’d so easily brushed aside while we were together are now straight-up dealbreakers for me. After seeing things this way, I thank my lucky stars we didn’t end up together forever.
  8. I know a better love awaits me in the future. My time with my ex was great (well, for the most part), but looking back on it, I know it wasn’t the best of what love has to offer. There’s someone out there for me who’s TRULY going to be the love of my life, and while I know the journey to him won’t be easy or short, it’s at least possible because I’m no longer with the wrong guy.
  9. I enjoy being selfish. I’ve always been a “relationship girl” — even when I’m single, I don’t really have random hookups or friendships with benefits. I thought for sure that after my relationship with this guy ended, I’d pretty much immediately be on the hunt for someone new. Instead, I learned that I much prefer being single and able to focus on myself. This revelation changed my life, and now I kind of want the real “One” to take his sweet time in finding his way to me.
  10. I learned that I’m my own soulmate. Do I still believe in the concept of star-crossed lovers and “meant to be”? Sure. But no one out there can replace the self-love I’ve gained since I ended things with my ex. I’m so happy with myself now that whether or not I ever end up meeting the right man, I know I’m still going to be happy either way. That kind of joy is something I’m not sure I’ll ever find in a romantic relationship.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.