I’ve tried the “waiting to text back game”, the “acting uninterested” game, the “hard to get” game, and the “waiting to have sex game” in dating over the years, and none of them got me a decent guy. No matter how many times my girlfriends would tell me I was crazy for abandoning proven dating games that work, I refused to buy into it. I wanted to be my true self, and I’m so happy that I stuck to that because despite the fact that I broke all the rules (or maybe because of it), I actually found love.
- I texted back right away. I still don’t understand why or how people wait forever to reply, especially when we all know that most of us are attached to our phones or near it at all times. Modern technology allows us to communicate quicker, so I replied to my now-boyfriend right away or as soon as I could because I was available and, you know, I’m not a jerk.
- I did the unthinkable: I double texted. Yup, you read it right. After I replied to one text, I sent another either in quick succession or hours later without hearing back from him. My boyfriend didn’t think I was needy or too clingy if I asked him if everything was okay after not hearing back from him after a few hours; he actually loved that I was concerned for his well-being. That, and he’s a grown ass man who isn’t judgmental over something so petty.
- I made plans for us instead of always waiting for him to make a move. The first few times we went out, he asked me, but that didn’t stop me from initiating plans of my own. I figured if I wanted to see him or have him accompany me to an event I needed to attend, I wasn’t going to wait for him to make the move, so I asked him straight up. Believe it or not, not all guys are scared off by a woman who takes control.
- I invited him over and cooked for him early on. Despite the advice give in Why Men Love Bitches, I actually cooked a hot meal for my boyfriend within the first couple of weeks. I didn’t care that he wasn’t my boyfriend yet or that every dating rule book said I’m giving him too much too soon. Instead, I just did what I wanted to and it felt (and tasted) amazing.
- I didn’t wait a set amount of time to sleep with him — I waited until I was ready. They say the longer you wait, the more the guy will feel like he’s earned his prize, but guess what? I don’t need to hold out on my urges to know that I’m a diamond in the rough. I went with the natural flow of things until I was ready, and he stuck around afterward. Maybe I’m just lucky that things worked out regardless of this fact, or maybe it’s because I wouldn’t want to commit my life to a guy who would judge me for doing exactly what he did anyway.
- I told him how I felt. I never hid my feelings for him or acted aloof just to come across as mysterious. I’m mysterious in my own unique ways naturally, and taming my true feelings just isn’t who I am. I liked him, so I told him so. I appreciated him, so I told him so. He was always on my mind, so I told him I missed him. And when he eventually told me he loved me, I said it right back. Real love isn’t a game, ever.
- I initiated “The Talk.” I wasn’t about to waste my time with another jerk who would string me along, block me with his commitment-phobia, or have another harem of women in the picture, so I brought up the unspeakable — The Talk. We were spending a lot of time together, and I told him in an honest way that I would like him to be my boyfriend or not waste any more time. It really was that simple to figure out if he was with me for pure intentions.
- I didn’t hesitate to bring up my relationship goals for the future. We had all of the talks you’re not supposed to have with a guy early on. We talked about marriage, moving in together, how many children we want, and a timeline of when we wanted those things to happen. Nothing was off limits, and nothing scared him away.
- I stayed true to myself and won. I’ve always hated playing by the rules of dating, and even though it may work for some people, I want to know that my forever guy is a man that’s with me for exactly who I am. I don’t want to look back and think, “If I had texted him back right away, we wouldn’t be together,” because honestly, that’s a morbid relationship thought. Instead, I believed truly that no matter what I did, the perfect guy for me wouldn’t budge — and that’s exactly what came to be. So if you think you need to play a ridiculous game just to find love, I’m proof that you don’t. I broke all the rules and I still found love because true love isn’t planned — it just happens as it’s meant to.