Call Me Crazy, But Being Bitter About Love Has Helped My Dating Game

I used to wear my heart on my sleeve. I would have done anything for love and I believed every guy I met had the very best of intentions. I was so naive, but heartbreak changed me. Now, I’m admittedly a little bitter about love and strangely enough, it’s actually helping my dating game. Here’s how:

  1. I no longer give away my trust so easily. Now, I’ve finally realized that men need to earn my trust. What used to be a given is now something he has to work for if he wants to be with me. That means I won’t have any more guys walking all over me while I put blind faith in them. Hallelujah.
  2. I learned how to spot the red flags. Being bitter made me smart. I no longer have the hopeful outlook that caused me to see the best in every man while ignoring the worst of them. I was blind before, but bitterness opened my eyes. I believe there’s good in us all, but that good doesn’t come without the bad. The players won’t fool me anymore because I no longer automatically assume the best in guys.
  3. I’m not afraid to call men on their BS. I don’t worry about ruining my chances with a guy if I dare open my mouth anymore. I used to be afraid of ending up alone, but now I know that the odds of finding true love aren’t in my favor. I’ve accepted that I could end up on my own, and you know what that made me realize? Being alone is a way better option than putting up with a guy’s BS or being unhappy.
  4. I found my independence. Of course not all guys are the same and there are good guys out there, but honestly, what are the chances of finding one? Pretty slim. The fact that I can’t just rely on fate to bring me the man of my dreams has been a true source of inspiration to develop my sense of independence. I might never find love, that’s a serious possibility, but even if I don’t, I know I’ll be fine.
  5. I’ve learned from my mistakes. I wasn’t just blaming the losers I dated for the demise of my relationships, I was also blaming myself. Thinking that no fault lay with me would be foolish. I wasn’t that naive. I made my fair share of mistakes and rather than hiding from them, I chose to accept them. Pretending they never happened wouldn’t do me any good, so by being bitter about my own actions, I learned from every choice I made.
  6. I refuse to take my exes back. Why? Because after the BS they pulled, they don’t deserve second chances. Sure, I believe in forgiveness, but right after that, I chose to forget them. They won’t change. We weren’t right for each other and no amount of love can conquer that. I’m not moving backward — I’m taking my bitter ass forward.
  7. I know the risk of the dating game. I’ve been through heartbreak and just because I survived doesn’t mean I ever want to go through that pain again. Maybe it did make me stronger, but I’m using that strength to be wiser in love. I know the risk so I’m not taking chances on just anyone. Some guys don’t deserve a chance, and I can spot the unworthy better than ever.
  8. I can sort the good from the bad. Some people might think my bitterness is a bad thing, but I think it’s an asset. Now I can finally sort the good guys from the bad boys. Guys don’t automatically get the benefit of the doubt with me. They have to show me they’re worthy of my time. The bad boys won’t make an effort, but the good guys aren’t afraid to work to get through my hard shell.
  9. I’m happy on my own. The craziest thing is that being happily single is just what I needed to attract a good guy. Once upon a time, I was foolish enough to believe that a man could make me happy. After getting my heart broken and becoming a bit jaded about love, I realized that even if a relationship is good, it’s not going to make me happy. I can’t depend on a man for my own happiness — that’s my job.
  10. I’ve realized that I don’t need a guy in my life. When I grew bitter, I also grew independent, and for the first time in my life, I realized that I don’t need a man to survive. I’m single and happy and I’m getting by just fine on my own. It’s even better now that I know I don’t need a guy because there’s room open for me to WANT one — that is, if the right man comes along.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.