I Can See That My Best Friend Is Settling And There’s Nothing I Can Do About It

I love my best friend and all I want is for her to be happy, but I can tell that she’s not. It’s obvious that she’s settling in love and I feel powerless because there’s nothing I can do about it. Here’s why:

  1. She’s made up her mind. She’s already given up on finding real love. She has a promise ring that will someday turn into a wedding ring. She’s committed herself to settling. There’s no reasoning with her. Even if deep down she’s disappointed by a love that will never move mountains, I know she’ll never give him up. She thinks this is what real love is because, in her mind, the “right guy” is only a thing that exists in movies.
  2. I don’t want their relationship to cause a rift between us. I don’t support their relationship because I think she’s settling but I can’t tell her that. I need to at least act like she has my support even if I don’t agree with her decisions. No matter what, I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want her to pull away from me just because I don’t think the man she’s with is what’s best for her. I have to put my feelings and opinions aside because I don’t want our friendship to ever be a casualty of her relationship.
  3. She’s still wishing a Prince Charming would sweep her off her feet. I know he’s not the man of her dreams because she still expresses her desires for a man like you see in the movies. It’s like she thinks fairy tale love is unobtainable, like true love doesn’t exist and she’s just going to settle for what she has. Maybe there won’t be some big romantic gesture but she should at least think she’s found the only guy she’d ever want to be with and not someone who’s simply good enough.
  4. He’s cheated on her in the past. They broke up and she eventually forgave him but I can’t forget what he did to her. She’s so amazing and he clearly doesn’t see that or else why would he have betrayed her like that? He just doesn’t know how to appreciate her or love her the way she deserves. I feel like she felt forced forgive him because he was her first love and the only real love she’d ever known. She just doesn’t realize she deserves better.
  5. She feels too comfortable. Their relationship isn’t built on an undying love for each other. It’s built on comfort. They’ve been together so long that they don’t know anything else. I think she’s too afraid to see what else is out there. She’s too scared of the single life and she thinks that if she gives him up she could end up alone. She’s settling out of fear because she’d rather be comfortable with a guy who’s not exactly “The One” than be alone.
  6. It breaks my heart that she’ll never know true happiness. She’s content with him but she’s definitely not happy. It’s like she doesn’t even know what real happiness feels like—she’s never given herself that opportunity. It’s something she’s only ever read about, not something she’s truly felt—but I’ve felt it. I feel it. I have true happiness with the man of my dreams. I just wish she could have it too.
  7. I’m still worried she’ll end up heartbroken. Even if they end up getting married, I don’t want her to be headed for a future divorce or a lifetime of unhappiness. The fact that she’s settling on one of the biggest aspects of her life just breaks my heart. I know that I have to let her make her own mistakes but it’s just so hard to sit back and let her allow her life to go up in flames.
  8. She’s never had the experience of being with anyone else. She’s still with the guy she’s been dating on and off since high school. They haven’t broken up in a long time but even when they were technically apart she was never with anyone else. They always stayed in touch because neither of them could just let go. She hasn’t truly experienced the single life or being in a relationship with anyone but him. She’s sheltered by a comfort attachment and I just wish she could see what else is out there.
  9. He doesn’t bring out the best in her. In fact, he takes away her light. She’s so happy and fun, but only when he’s not around. She’s naturally shy until you get to know her, but with him, she’s shy all the time. It’s like she’s afraid to be herself. After being together for over five years, you’d think that they could start acting normal, but around him, she’s just stiff. It’s like she’s still trying to be the girl he wants her to be and not the amazing woman that she is.
  10. I don’t want her to hate me for having my own opinion. She gets so sensitive if I say something negative about him even if I’m just agreeing with her own complaint. So I’ve learned to just stay quiet about him. I’m going by the old school rule of, “If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all.” No matter what being with him is her decision, not mine, so I just keep my opinion to myself.
  11. At the end of the day, I know she deserves better. She’s my best friend and I love her to death. I’m very protective but I know I’m not just being overprotective here. He’s not good enough for her because he’s not good enough to her. He doesn’t make her feel special. He doesn’t care about what she wants or what she needs. He just can’t be bothered to make a real effort. He’s not the man of her dreams. He’s not the guy she deserves. He’s just the guy she’s settling for and there’s nothing I can do about it.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.