If You Can’t Agree On What Would Happen If Birth Control Fails, Don’t Sleep With Him

Sex is one of the very few acts that lasts just a couple of minutes but can change a person’s life forever. If you’re smart, you’ll be somewhat selective with who you sleep with. Before you decide to sleep with anyone, it’s important to find out his opinion on what to do when birth control fails. If you can’t agree on what you two would do, you shouldn’t have sex. Here are some of the biggest reasons why this is the ultimate sex dealbreaker.

  1. If stuff hits the fan, he can limit your options if you choose to have the baby. If you give birth to a child and want to put it up for adoption, you’ll need both parents’ signatures. This might mean you’d be forced to keep it, even if you aren’t prepared to be a parent. If you give birth and choose to raise it as your own, he might not be willing to help out unless he’s legally forced to. This can limit your ability to make ends meet.
  2. His stance on birth control and birth control failure options tells you a lot about him. Personally, I couldn’t date an anti-choice guy because I feel that his position doesn’t take my body autonomy into account. Others couldn’t date a man who is pro-choice because of religious beliefs. In other words, you want to make sure that you’re both on the same page before anything could possibly happen.
  3. It’s better to be safe than sorry. Condoms break, pills stop working and freak accidents happen — I ought to know, it’s happened to me. You need to feel certain that you can trust your sex partner to do the right thing if something happens, because not being able to count on them is one of the most terrible things you could have happen at one of the potentially worst times of your life.
  4. Having the talk about “what ifs” can alert you to other red flags. Talking about this particular hypothetical situation can also give you the opportunity to ask other questions and learn more about your partner’s philosophy as a whole. If you notice that they really don’t seem to take your wishes into consideration or like they don’t really respect boundaries, it’s safe to say you shouldn’t be near them.
  5. Discussing the “what ifs” of sex can also show your sex partner that you’re a sane, responsible person. And responsibility can be pretty attractive to the right person.
  6. It’s important to be responsible about sex. No one wants to have an accident happen, but the fact is that there’s no foolproof birth control method. Even if you got the best condoms, or took the most effective forms of birth control out there, accidents can and do happen. If stuff hits the fan, you want to make sure you can make the most responsible decisions possible for every party involved.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.