Why Can’t I Find A Good Guy Who Isn’t Intimidated By Me?

It feels like there are two kinds of men in the world: nice guys who find me terrifying and jerks who aren’t fazed by me at all. I know there have to be men out there who are both decent and strong because I’m both those things as well and I exist. Still, it feels like I’ll never find this seemingly rare unicorn of a person.

  1. I have a strong personality and somehow this attracts weak men. I don’t understand it. I thought that when I became so confident and independent, I would attract a man who is the same. Instead, I seem to appeal to guys who want a mommy to tell them what to do. The problem is that I don’t want a child of a boyfriend.
  2. I like nice guys but I’d like a manly one. There’s a fine line between a good man and a doormat. I want some who’s kind, grounded and considerate, not someone who lets me walk all over him. He has to be strong and soft at the same time. I know that is rare but I don’t think it’s too much to ask.
  3. Men are always telling me that they find me intimidating. Yes, I have a big personality, but I’m not mean. I have a huge heart and an empathetic soul. I’m smart but it’s not as if I’m incredibly successful and rich. There’s no real reason to be intimidated by me… unless a guy is so insecure that he finds me threatening. It’s a total turn-off.
  4. I refuse to change my personality to fit a guy’s preferences. I’m proud of who I am. I’ve worked long and hard to get to a place where I truly like myself. I’d never let all that go to please a man. If anything, a man’s disapproval makes me push back twice as hard. I don’t give a damn if I’m too much woman for him—he can leave.
  5. It’s like the right man for me is a rare and precious gem. I keep telling myself that so I don’t give up hope of finding him entirely. I know I’m worthy of something magical, so I have to be patient. I can’t pretend that a man clearly lacking in the correct qualities will work for me. It does get old, though, when all these seemingly good guys bail.
  6. I am not going to “soften my approach.” When I was younger and less secure, a man who was my superior told me that I needed to be softer. I took it seriously then, but I could never make it work. Now I’d laugh in his face. I have better things to worry about in life than how men perceive me.
  7. I’m not responsible for protecting the egos of men who can’t handle me. Nothing is more unappealing than a guy who is so fragile that he views my phenomenal womanhood as a threat to be squashed. I simply do not believe that a kind, caring man must also be a wimp. I find that most of the wusses out there are actually insecure and petty.
  8. I don’t want a cocky jerk but at least they aren’t afraid of me. Actually, that’s untrue. They ACT like they aren’t afraid of me. In reality, I think that they use their sarcasm as a defense mechanism against feeling anything real. That’s no better than the men who let me walk all over them. I need mature love.
  9. If a guy is scared because I don’t put up with crap, he shouldn’t give me any. I find this to be a simple solution. I’m so tired of men saying I’m scary because I’ll call them out when they’re being awful. Being asked to behave like a decent person should not be a problem. I want a great dude who meets my standards.
  10. If one more guy cops out because he can’t “deal” with me, I’m going to lose it. I know this is a cowardly, weak excuse to run away from me and I’m tired of it. I’m clearly attracting all the wrong men but I’m just being myself. This isn’t what I want at all! Why can’t I find the balance I’m craving?
  11. I’m into sweet, creative types but they can’t handle me. Their egos are too fragile and they aren’t secure enough in their manhood, apparently. I enjoy men who aren’t basic—I can’t stand dudes who just want to drink beer and watch sports all day. On the other hand, the artistic guys are often depressed and moody.
  12. I can’t stand the ambitious, materialistic types who aren’t scared of me. Their lack of intimidation is pretty much the only appealing thing about them. I don’t care about money or things, so their high-powered careers, fancy cars, and sweet apartments do nothing for me. They end up hating me because I find them lame.
  13. It’s so hard to find manliness without machismo. Truly grown-up and mature men have no need for machismo. They know who they are. They have quiet strength because they don’t put on a show. I think this is true, at least—I’d have to meet one of these guys to know for sure! Where is my awesome partner in crime?
  14. I want a man who’s like me—decent, mature, and grounded enough to value a badass partner. When I finally find my guy, I’ll be so thrilled that there’s no way I will let him go. If he’s the right one he’ll feel the same way about me. He’ll inherently know my value and worth as a human being. I’m just a little worried I’ll never find that man at all.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.