“I Can’t Move On” Is Bull—Moving On Is A Choice

You won’t delete the old messages. Instead, you scroll through them and mentally replay all of the good times the two of you had together. You won’t go out with your girlfriends; you’d rather sit at home all alone and dwell on how hard it is to enjoy anything without him. You keep saying you can’t move on, but that’s total BS.

  1. Delete the messages. Don’t let your phone hang on to the ghost of him. If he’s not in your life, he shouldn’t be on your phone. It’s so much easier to read through the sweet messages he used to text to you in the morning but he won’t be there to wake you up with pretty words now, so it’s time to delete him from your phone. This includes Facebook messenger posts, old pictures, anything that connects him to you. (Block him while you’re at it. You’ll be glad you did.)
  2. Don’t sit at home on a Friday night. He used to consume your weekends so now that you’re free on Friday night, you’re not quite sure what to do with yourself. Since he’s not there, you’d rather not do anything at all. Don’t listen to your party-pooper-self. Invite the girls out for a night on the town or host a sleepover and binge watch movies with your friends. You might not believe it, but life can be fun without him. Fun does require some effort on your part, though.
  3. Dive into new hobbies. Always wanted to go hiking but he never wanted to? Guess what— you have all the time in the world to hit the trail and fall in love with nature. Ever tried a cooking class? If not, then go for it. Who says you can’t learn to cook incredible meals for your girlfriends? Redefine what if means to enjoy yourself and don’t be afraid to try new things on your own. When you take time for yourself, you learn to love yourself more (and the right guy will appreciate that).
  4. Deal with your rocky emotions. There will be days when you’re okay and days when you’re not. Sometimes you’ll want to cry until it hurts and others you’ll want to hit something until it feels your hurt. That’s just a part of moving on, though. Learn to deal with your emotions rather than allowing your emotions to deal with you. You might not be able to control how you feel, but you can control what you do with your feelings.
  5. Ditch your old playlists. Maybe you two were old school and burned CDs for each other that included all of your favorite songs. You might’ve made playlists for each other on your phones. Either way, you need to stop replaying those songs because they’re replaying memories in your mind. Music and memories go hand-in-hand like that. Who knew that music could be so toxic? But either way, when you’re trying to move on, it’s best to leave his music and memories behind. For good.
  6. Do away with all of his junk. I’m sure that his sweatshirt still smells really good. I have no doubt that the teddy bear he won for you is your favorite stuffed cuddle buddy. Either way, get rid of his crap and the crap that he gave to you. Hanging on to his stuff means you’re hanging onto him. (But if he gave you something nice, pawn it for some side cash.)
  7. Drive home a different way. Don’t take the scenic route to your house just so you can drive past his house. You’ll risk getting into a wreck when you break your neck to see whether or not there’s a new car in his driveway and he might see you looking all stalker-ish—and you don’t want to stoop to that level. Besides, you’ll waste gas and he’s not worth the $35 it takes to fill up your tank. Duh!
  8. Drop the self-pity. I hate to be the tough gal here, but people get dumped every day. It hurts. It sucks. It just happens (to everyone). And to be even more brutally tough and honest, no one wants to be around a sulky, pouty person, especially not another guy who might be interested in you. A part of moving on includes getting over yourself.
  9. Dance with another man. Wanna know how I found my fiance? My ex told me that he found someone else (and had gotten her pregnant). Three days later I asked a stranger to a wedding, and after we had danced together for all of thirty minutes, I never wanted him to leave my side. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there to meet new guys. Accept the fact that it’s okay for another man to hold you for a few minutes because he might just stay.


Peyton Garland is a boy mama and Tennessee farmer who loves sharing her heart on OCD, postpartum life, and hope in the messy places.