Just because you’ve broken up with someone doesn’t mean things are suddenly dandy again. Sometimes, there are people and situations that stick around in your life or even in your heart and mind that are downright destructive. If you feel like you can’t move forward in life and are struggling to keep your head above water, the cobwebbing dating trend may be the answer. Not only will it put you in a better position to find love, but you’ll actually be ready for it when it comes along.
What is cobwebbing?
Coined by the dating app Bumble, cobwebbing as a dating trend embodies the actual definition of the word. It’s all about clearing out all the baggage from past relationships that are holding you back. By doing this, you can move on in life to bigger and better things — not to mention healthier relationships.
After all, many of us feel weighed down by that one toxic ex we just can’t shake. Or, maybe we feel overwhelmed by the trauma of being cheated on or emotionally abused by an ex. By cobwebbing your life, you can finally relinquish the guilt, fear, and shame that eats you up. Ultimately, it could very well change your life.
Why it’s such a positive thing for people of all genders and sexualities
It goes without saying that hanging on to negative situations or people from our past doesn’t serve us. Not only does it keep us trapped in a bad place and hold us back from growth and evolution, but it also prohibits us from moving on to situations and relationships that are healthier and more beneficial. After all, you could meet someone incredible, but if you’re still caught up in a mess with a former partner or haven’t processed the experience you had with them, things will never work out with the new person.
Cobwebbing is a catch-all term for deciding to wipe the slate clean. It’s a conscious decision to relinquish all that heaviness and instead allow yourself to feel lighter, happier, and free. It may not be as simple as waking up one morning a whole new person. However, by shifting your mindset and changing certain behaviors, you can live a much more fulfilling existence.
How can you practice this in your own life?
- Delete that toxic person’s phone number/remove them from your social media. Cobwebbing is all about ridding yourself of all the muck that’s making your life a misery. One of the easiest ways to do this is blocking and deleting your toxic exes and even bad friends on everything. If you can’t contact them and vice versa, they suddenly lose their power in your life. That might be a scary prospect, but it’s a necessary one.
- Unmatch with people on dating apps that aren’t right for you. Maybe you’ve stayed matched with certain people “just in case.” You never know when you’ll be bored or lonely and just feel like chatting. However, hanging on to connections you’re lukewarm about at best is self-defeating. Not only are the conversations you have with these people a waste of time and totally disingenuous, but they’re taking the place of chats you could be having with people you’re better suited to. Unmatch and don’t give them another thought.
- Throw away all the keepsakes from your ex that you’re holding on to. You think there’s no harm in hanging on to the letters your ex wrote you or sleeping in their old t-shirt. You still have photos of the two of you on your phone and those mixed CDs they made you every year for your birthday. Sure, you’re nostalgic, but how is this serving you? Cobwebbing requires parting ways with these trinkets. The more they’re in your presence, the longer you’ll hold onto them. What good is that doing you?
- Practice journaling and meditation to begin processing your feelings and experiences. Part of the reason you’re feeling so hampered by the past is likely that you haven’t processed it. Did you compartmentalize your heartbreak so you could “move on” and just never deal with it? You haven’t done the work, and that’s why you’re in the position you currently find yourself in: struggling. Begin journaling and/or start a meditation practice during which you can be truly open and honest about your feelings. There’s no wrong way to process grief, heartbreak, betrayal, etc. However, the only way out is through, as they say.
- Make an appointment with a professional therapist. You don’t have to experience any deep trauma to find therapy beneficial. An impartial party can serve as a sounding board for you to vent your thoughts and feelings and process them. They can also provide you with coping mechanisms to deal with future issues that arise. Your life will be better for it, that’s for sure.
A final note
Cobwebbing isn’t necessarily a one-time activity. Chances are, you may need to practice this at various times in your life. If you notice yourself hanging onto unnecessary baggage or feeling stymied by people or situations that are no longer in your life, feel free to do this over and over again.