If you’ve ever dated, worked with, or been friends with someone who always manages to make the bad stuff in their life everyone else’s fault, you know just how infuriating it can be. However, you don’t just have to sit back and take it. The next time they start pointing the finger at everyone but themselves, here are a few things you can say.
1. “Well, I guess we found the world’s last perfect person!”
When self-centered people start blaming everyone else, you could always try a bit of humor with a sarcastic edge. This points out the fact that nobody’s perfect — duh! — and lets them know you’re well aware that they’re capable of making mistakes even if they don’t want to admit it. However, it also stops short of being too aggressive.
2. “It’s easy to blame, but it’s more productive to take responsibility.”
Are you really going to change someone’s mind or general attitude by saying this? Probably not, but it’s still worth it to suggest that owning up to what they’ve done is the best way forward. You might still be met with resistance, but you can rest easy knowing you took the high road.
3. “Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of your own excuses.”
Sometimes you’re really just too fed up to deal with someone who blames everyone else for their problems all the time and you lose your temper. Admittedly, this is a bit of a petty response, but when you’re dealing with a petty person, what do they expect? It shuts them and the conversation down so that you can move on to things more worthy of your time.
4. “Instead of pointing fingers, why not try taking some ownership? It’s a refreshing change.”
When you say this, you make it clear that you’re fully aware that they’re casting the blame anywhere but where it belongs — which is on them, obviously. It also makes it clear that you’re kind of peeved by the fact that they refuse to hold their hands up and admit they made a mistake. They need to know this behavior isn’t going to fly!
5. “I’m happy to help, but blaming me for your mistakes won’t get us very far. Let’s work on this as a team.”
If you want to try and find a productive way forward with someone who loves shifting the blame and avoiding personal responsibility, this is a good way to go. You can offer to help them out/solve a problem without letting them get away with dodging their role in it. This might be enough to snap them back into reality or it might not, but hey, at least you tried.
6. “You know, I’ve made my share of mistakes too.”
It’s always a good idea to lead by example, so owning up to your own mistakes is a good move. Let them know that you’ve made some bad decisions or screwed things up yourself in the past, which could pave the way for them to feel more comfortable admitting their own shortcomings.
7. “We’re all learning as we go; let’s support each other instead of assigning blame.”
Sometimes people are hesitant to admit they’re wrong because they’re worried that people are going to judge them for it. By pointing out that everyone is learning and that it’s a work in progress, they might feel a little more free to admit they got it wrong this time. Either way, you’re casting a more positive light on the situation, which can only help.
8. “Blaming others? Must be a Monday thing!”
Lighten the mood by attributing their blame to a common phenomenon, like Monday blues, and share a laugh together. Humor has a weird way of diffusing tension or drama, and the sheer corniness of this comment will likely make them crack up (and maybe even fess up). Hey, it’s worth a shot.
9. “Hey, at least you’re consistent! Your dedication to blaming everyone else is truly impressive.”
If the person dodging responsibility is known for doing this and you’re fed up with it, this is a good option. It’s a bit snarky but can also be painted in a humorous way so that you don’t seem like you’re being unnecessarily harsh (even though you may have every right to be). The guilty person will likely be pretty taken aback by this comment, and it could make them rethink their behavior — “could” being the operative term here.
10. “I appreciate you sharing your perspective, but I can’t help but notice you’re leaving out a few key details, namely your own role in this.”
Sometimes you just have to call it like you see it. You’re more than willing to work through a challenge, but not if they’re not going to be honest about how they got into this position in the first place. If they won’t take ownership of their part in the problem, they can’t really work through it successfully.
11. “Everyone makes mistakes, but constantly blaming others is a choice. Choose differently.”
They don’t have to pretend they’re perfect and blame everyone else every time something goes wrong. They can choose to be like, “You know what, I messed up here. I’ll do better next time.” It’s really that simple. It might not be their natural instinct, but they can learn it just like everyone else.
12. “I once blamed my computer for a typo in a handwritten note!”
If it’s a friend or someone you really care about who’s struggling to own up to their actions, this could be a good way to go. It’s all about sharing your own stubbornness and relating to them in a way that will likely make them feel a bit safer to be vulnerable. At the very least, it should make them laugh, which will make the conversation a little less dramatic and stressful.
13. “I’m happy to listen to your concerns, but I need you to take some responsibility for your part in this.”
Similar to one of the previous items on this list, saying something along these lines to a blame-shifter forces them to stop pointing fingers and start looking at the situation and themselves honestly. If it’s all about what everyone else did wrong while they paint themselves as the perpetual victim, it’s never going to work.
14. “Have you considered the possibility that there might be another explanation for what happened?”
If you don’t want to be quite so direct in telling the person off for trying to blame everyone else for their own actions, this could be a good way to go. It encourages them to do a bit more self-reflection so that they can see the situation in a more objective light. Will it work? Eh, that’s a whole different story…
15. “Before assigning blame, maybe do a quick inventory of your own actions.”
This is a more direct way of telling someone that they need to reassess the situation because they’re clearly not seeing it correctly. They might come to the exact same conclusion in the end (and if they’re used to making themselves a martyr, that’s probably the case), but you at least get to point out that you think there’s something they’re missing.
16. “Blaming is easy; taking responsibility is where the real growth happens.”
Hey, maybe no one’s to blame in a situation — it might just be pure bad luck or how the cookie crumbles. Pointing out that blame is useless either way is a good way to turn a negative into a positive. Instead of focusing on how someone messed up or how life sucks because it’s not going the way you want, you encourage growth and evolution, and that’s what life is all about.
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