Why Commitment Really Is Scary AF

Fear of commitment is typically characterized as a “flaw” most common in men, but the truth is that it can happen to anyone. Even when we think we’re ready to settle down, the reality of it can be just as overwhelming for women, and sometimes downright terrifying.

  1. Being single is easy in comparison.Being single doesn’t always feel easy when we’re living it, but it sure does seem easy in hindsight. When we’re single, we do whatever we please every second of every day, and feelings aren’t allowed to interrupt our tightly scheduled day of awesomeness.
  2. It’s impossible to predict the future.When we commit ourselves to being with just one person, we’re saying that relationship will go the distance. In reality, that’s a statement of pure intent polished with optimism, because we really don’t know if the relationship will work out long-term. The inherent uncertainty can be scary because we don’t want to waste our time or get hurt.
  3. We don’t want to make any promises we can’t keep.When we get swept up in feelings, it can be easy to get lost in promises of a future that we may only be seeing because we’re looking through love-goggles. Occasionally, rational thinking and common sense kick in and tell us that we shouldn’t overpromise, even though things are going so well.
  4. We’re scared of our own feelings.Commitment is scary because it develops out of some really intense feelings. After being single for a period of time, we’re not equipped to deal with the reality of those feelings, so it’s pretty unnerving at first to navigate the scary world of love and feelings that we avoided for so long.
  5. We secretly worry about the flame going out.Even after meeting someone awesome enough to sweep us off our feet, we can’t help but wonder if we’ll really feel this way forever. It would be nice, but we know that life doesn’t always go the way we want it to.
  6. We’re afraid of the reality of it working out.The reality is that we’ll never be single again if this relationship does work out. That’s a big deal, and it’s a lot to think about. It means that the relationship we’ve committed to could possibly lead to marriage and the end of single life as we know it forever. That’s a bit scary for anyone.
  7. We’re scared because we know we don’t have an option.Our feelings don’t give us an option. If we’ve come to the point of getting into a committed relationship, our feelings have already won and we’re going to follow them to the happy end or the bitter end; it could go either way.
  8. The scariest part is that we like it.Even though we’re scared, we know that we wouldn’t be going down this road if we didn’t have a good reason to. Someone has inspired us to believe in true love again, and it feels incredible but also a bit foreign after being in the single mindset for a while. We know that we have to take this journey, and that we’re not only afraid but also excited to see what lies ahead.
Anna Martin Yonk is a freelance writer and blogger in sunny North Carolina. She loves hanging out with her goofy husband and two rescue dogs and can be found at the beach with a drink in hand whenever possible. You can find her on Instagram @mrsyonkdogmom or on her Facebook page.