Narcissists are pros at making everything about them. They need constant attention, they take advantage of your kindness, and they leave you feeling exhausted. If you’ve got a narcissist in your life, you might fall into the trap of trying to please them, argue with them, or figure them out. But here’s the thing – these are all common mistakes that only end up feeding their ego. Here are some other missteps you might be making with these toxic types.
1. You take their boasts and exaggerations seriously.
They claim to be the best at everything and know the most important people… and you find yourself nodding along. Instead, try a bit of amused skepticism. Say something like, “Wow, that’s impressive! Tell me more…” Let them elaborate, and their stories will likely fall apart under scrutiny. Don’t be afraid to gently question their outlandish claims – it challenges their need to constantly feel superior.
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2. You always try to please them.
Narcissists have a knack for making you feel like you’re never quite enough. Trying to win their approval is exhausting and kind of pointless, since they’ll always raise the bar that little bit higher. Focus on your own values and goals. When their demands seem unreasonable, a simple “That won’t work for me” is perfectly acceptable. Remember, their validation shouldn’t determine your self-worth.
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3. You get sucked into their drama.
They manufacture crises and crave an audience for their theatrics. Instead of reacting, practice disengagement: “That sounds stressful. I hope you can work it out.” Refusing to play their emotional games throws them off balance. By staying neutral, you deprive them of the emotional fuel they desperately want.
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4. You let them violate your boundaries.
Narcissists love pushing the limits to see what they can control. Be firm about your boundaries: “I’m not comfortable discussing that,” or “I need some time alone right now.” Don’t apologize for upholding your needs, even if they pout or play the victim. Consistency is key – the more they realize you won’t tolerate boundary violations, the less likely they’ll be to try.
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5. You engage in their arguments.
They twist your words and thrive on dragging you into pointless debates. Don’t try to reason with the unreasonable. “We can agree to disagree,” or simply changing the subject helps shut down their attempts to drag you into unnecessary conflict. Refusing to play by their rules takes away their power in the situation. They’ll do everything they can do gaslight you, so don’t fall for it.
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6. You give them the benefit of the doubt… repeatedly.
Narcissists are skilled manipulators, and may apologize or act remorseful — at least until the next time they pull the same crap. Focus on their patterns of behavior, not just their words. If they consistently disrespect you, hoping they’ll magically change is a recipe for disappointment. Learn to trust your gut instinct – if the relationship feels consistently draining, it might be time to set stronger boundaries.
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7. You share too much personal information.
They may seem genuinely interested, but narcissists collect information to use against you later. Maintain healthy boundaries about what you disclose. If they pry, a vague but polite “I’m not really comfortable sharing that” shuts them down. Remember, they don’t need access to your innermost thoughts and vulnerabilities to be a part of your life.
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8. You believe their sob stories.
Playing the victim is a classic narcissist tactic to gain sympathy and evade responsibility. Offer basic validation without buying into their drama: “That sounds difficult.” Then, avoid getting drawn into offering solutions or taking on their problems. You can be empathetic to their struggles without letting yourself be manipulated by them.
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9. You take their criticism personally.
Narcissists throw out insults to undermine your confidence. Remember, their critiques are about THEM, not you. Try a disarming response like, “Well, that’s certainly one perspective,” which acknowledges their words without internalizing them. Their attempts to belittle you often stem from their own insecurities.
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10. You try to “fix” them.
You see their vulnerable side, and believe your love and support can change them. Sadly, true change requires a level of self-awareness most narcissists lack. Focus on protecting YOUR well-being, rather than pouring your energy into a lost cause. It’s commendable to want to help others, but don’t let it come at the expense of your own emotional health.
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11. You compare yourself to them.
Their inflated sense of self can make you question your own accomplishments. Remember, comparison is the thief of joy. Focus on your strengths, celebrate your wins, and don’t let their facade chip away at your self-worth. Social media typically makes narcissists shine, but remember, it’s a curated highlight reel, not real life.
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12. You keep their secrets.
They may confide in you, creating a false sense of closeness. Be wary, as they might use those secrets later to manipulate you. Keep a healthy distance, and avoid getting mixed up in their schemes or covering up their lies. Protecting your own reputation and integrity is essential when dealing with a narcissist.
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13. You focus solely on their negative traits.
While their hurtful behavior is real, constantly dwelling on it keeps YOU trapped in negativity. Try to remind yourself of their good qualities too (even small ones). This helps you see them as a flawed human, not a cartoonish villain, making it easier to disengage emotionally. It doesn’t mean excusing their behavior, but rather understanding they are more than just their narcissism.
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14. You isolate yourself to avoid them.
While limiting contact with a narcissist is wise, don’t let them rob you of ALL your support systems. Nurture relationships with healthy people who uplift you, reminding you that you deserve genuine connection and respect. Don’t let one person’s toxicity define how you see the world.
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15. You forget about your own needs.
Dealing with a narcissist is emotionally draining. Make self-care a priority – do things that bring you joy, set healthy boundaries, and even seek professional support if needed. Remember, you are worthy of love and respect, even if they’ll never truly provide it. The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.
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