Of Course I Want To Be A Main Priority But Not His Only One

I want my guy to prioritize our relationship but I also want him to be his own person with his own goals, ideas and interest to which he devotes plenty of time and energy. If I’m the only thing he cares about, I’m going to have to GTFO.

  1. I don’t want to be smothered. I’m independent and I need my space. I also don’t need my guy checking up on me all the time and being overly concerned about my well-being. It’s one thing to walk me home because he wants to make sure I get home safely if it’s dark outside but it’s a whole other thing to obsess over me like I’m some damsel in distress. Constant, unwavering attention does not equal love.
  2. If he has other things occupying his time and mind, he’ll be much more interesting and more attractive. If he has other priorities and obligations outside of our relationship, our interactions will be much more fruitful because he’ll have other things to talk about and share with me. For me, a man with a life outside of his relationship is so much more desirable than a man who’s only interested in me. Looking at my guy and seeing the dynamic person that he is and that he brings to our shared table is so much more attractive than a man who’s basically obsessed with me.
  3. Committing to our relationship and prioritizing me doesn’t mean neglecting himself. Committing to me and our relationship doesn’t mean that he has to only be on my agenda. Committing to me and our relationship means that he puts our relationship first and that he keeps me in mind when he makes serious decisions and choices because they’ll likely affect me. Still, it doesn’t require a complete disregard of himself.
  4. If my well-being is the only thing he prioritizes, he’s not going to be happy. He’s not an indentured servant! Waiting on me hand and foot is not necessary and frankly, it’s unwelcome. If he pours all of his resources and energy into me, at some point he’s bound to be unhappy and maybe even resentful because he’s neglecting his own life. Everything should exist in moderation. Prioritizing me should be a priority, but not the only one.
  5. I don’t need a parent or a babysitter. Parents prioritize their children because they have to, but I don’t need my guy to babysit or parent me because he’s my partner, not my parent. He’s not my superior and there is no hierarchy. His needs are just as important as mine and he needs to realize that.
  6. If he only prioritizes me, he won’t have any friends. No one likes a friend who spends every waking moment with their significant other. People who do that tend to be out of tune with the rest of the world, selfish, and lack self-awareness. Plus, sometimes I need my space. After all, my guy and I do spend the majority of our time together like many couples, but the majority doesn’t mean all. I want him to have friends, to maintain those relationships and to continue to grow his friendships the way that I continue to grow mine.
  7. Guys with savior complexes make the worst boyfriends. Guys who think they need to save their girlfriends have bigger problems. In my experience, guys who treat me like I’m going to break behave that way for reasons that have nothing to do with me. Sometimes people do that to compensate for things that have happened in their past or other failed relationships. To me, that’s a major warning to GTFO!
  8. Balancing his priorities indicates that he’s a productive person. If he can prioritize me, his career, and his relationships with his friends and family it demonstrates that he’s productive, balanced and effective with his time. Productive people are ultimately more lucrative and successful, right? I think so!
  9. He’s never going to be my only priority so I don’t need to be his. Maybe this is harsh, but it’s true. In the famous words of Jessica Simpson, “I belong to me” and as such, I’m always going to come first. Admittedly, I’ve had trouble with this in the past but the truth is that treating a man like he’s the center of my universe isn’t healthy for me. I’m the center of my universe. Selfish? No, smart.
  10. If he’s confident in our relationship, he won’t need to always worry about what I’m doing. If my guy believes in our relationship and our connection, he’ll know that I don’t always need to be the most important thing in his life at all times. I understand that sometimes other people and things take precedence over me and our relationship, and that’s okay as long as he keeps me in mind and as long as it’s not permanent. Relationships require give and take, time management and balance—especially if it’s going to last.
Marie is an ambitious millennial woman, leading a corporate life by day and doing her best to live, laugh and love.