I used to feel so threatened by the thought of the guy I was dating still being in touch with his ex (or worse, exes). Now I’m only interested in guys who stay friends with the women they used to date and try to find out if this is the case as early as possible. This to me means our relationship is more likely to last.
THEY’RE LIKELY TO DATE ME FOR THE RIGHT REASONS. I believe you should have things in common with the people you date beyond mutual sexual attraction. A guy who stays friends with his exes while he’s happily dating someone else is obviously good at picking girlfriends he can have a conversation with. In a way, that makes me feel better about our own relationship, as it means he must find me interesting as a person rather than just thinking of me as someone to sleep with.
IT SHOWS THEY’RE MATURE. It takes a certain level of emotional maturity to stay friends with someone you used to sleep with. I want to be with someone who can get over his own emotions to stay friends with someone he likes as a person. It means he understands the things that are really important in life.
THEY’RE LIKELY TO BE RESPECTFUL EVEN IF OUR RELATIONSHIP DOESN’T WORK. Obviously, when you start dating someone, you don’t want to think about things not working out, but knowing the guy I’m dating has been through other breakups and retained the affection he had for his exes even though the relationship has turned platonic makes me more comfortable and less anxious about things going wrong.
THEY’RE MORE LIKELY TO UNDERSTAND WHY I STAY FRIENDS WITH MY EXES. I stay friends with my exes and there’s nothing I hate more than a guy getting insecure and expecting me to give up a friend just because he can’t handle the thought of me being on speaking terms with someone I used to sleep with. Guys who stay friends with their own exes aren’t likely to be jealous of mine because they’ll understand there’s nothing romantic left between us.
IT SHOWS THEY VALUE FRIENDSHIP ABOVE ALL ELSE. I love my friends. In fact, I often end up dating dudes who were originally my friends first. I’d like to think our friendship is strong enough to survive the fact that we’re not suitable as a couple. A guy who keep exes around as friends probably shares the same view.
IT SHOWS THEY CARE ABOUT PEOPLE IN THEIR LIFE EVEN IF THEY’VE STOPPED HAVING SEX WITH THEM. Some people seem to think that men and women can only be friends if it’s going to lead to something else. Once sex is out of the picture, they move on to the next potential boyfriend or girlfriend, showing their true colors. If a guy still cares about and values his ex even though he’s no longer interested in her sexually, it shows that he actually cares about the women he dates even if the relationship doesn’t work out.
I’M NOT THREATENED BY PEOPLE’S PAST RELATIONSHIPS. Sure, if a guy spends his entire time with his ex instead of being with you or that ex is giving you attitude like you’re in her way, you have reasons to worry. But just because a guy is still in touch with someone he used to date doesn’t mean your position as girlfriend is at risk. As long as the guy gives me the attention I want and deserve, I’m comfortable with his social life including women he dated before me.
I FEEL SAFER KNOWING THAT EVEN IF THINGS DON’T WORK OUT, I WON’T LOSE SOMEONE I LIKE. My greatest fear when a relationship ends is losing the person I love completely. That’s why I find it so reassuring when I’m with a guy who keeps his favorite people around even if he’s no longer dating them. Sure, I’ve had really bad breakups where I’ve not wanted anything to do with my ex at all, but those usually involved the guy cheating on me or otherwise showing he’s not even worth keeping around as a friend. Otherwise, knowing I’m still going to have my ex in my life in some capacity has definitely made the breakup easier, even if it took some time to get there. Being with someone who feels the same way is therefore really important to me.
IT GIVES ME A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE ON OUR RELATIONSHIP. I make a point of getting to know those exes who are still part of my boyfriend’s life. It makes things easier if we all know where we stand and that none of us are a threat to each other. Talking to my guy’s exes, seeing how they interact with him and getting to know them as people are all great ways of getting to know the person I’m with and making our relationship stronger and better.
I’VE MADE SOME GREAT NEW FRIENDS. I already know I have at least one thing in common with my guy’s exes – we all like him! I’ve made some great friends just getting to know these women, hanging out together or even on our own. In fact, I’ve even dated guys who were introduced to me by their exes. As long as everyone is mature about it and clear about where we stand, it’s all part of growing a larger network out of relationships and friendships.
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