When it comes to love, being a perfectionist isn’t always the best quality to have. It can make you unfairly judge yourself and others, and can cause a lot of problems. But don’t despair – you can still find true love even when you’re planning every aspect of your life. Here’s how to date when you’re a perfectionist:
- Decide on a few dealbreakers. The concept of dealbreakers is somewhat controversial but if you’re obsessed with perfection, you need to have a few things on your no-date list. You’ll feel like you’re in control of your search but limiting your dealbreakers to five things max will make sure you’re not going off the rails.
- Be reasonable. You may have to ask your BFFs if you’re being crazy or realistic when debating whether to go on a second or third date and that’s actually a good idea. It never hurts to get advice from people who know and love you. You may think that deleting a guy’s number because he texted a day later than you wanted is perfectly okay and your friends might say to give him a chance.
- Stop controlling everything. No, seriously, stop. You may want to pick the restaurant and the day and time and that’s only the first date – who knows how much further you can go when planning subsequent dates. But that’s not going to bring you love – that’s just going to scare the poor guy away. If you can let go of some things, you’ll be much more successful on your dating journey.
- Make suggestions. Everyone is fine with a suggestion. If the guy asks where you want to go on a date, even if you feel you absolutely must go to a certain bar or restaurant, try making a few suggestions and asking what he thinks. As long as you say it (or text it, let’s be real) in a super casual, chill way, he’ll never think you’re as much of a perfectionist as you are. Let him find that out later.
- Forget your timelines. Any perfectionist worth her salt wants to find love, move in together, get engaged, get married, and have kids and it all needs to happen within a certain timeframe (preferably as soon as possible). As we all know, love doesn’t exactly work that way. Love could basically give a crap when it comes to your big plans. So ease up a bit.
- Figure out why you’re like this. Okay, so you don’t have to get all philosophical about the meaning of life and who you truly are if you don’t want to. But at a certain point, there’s a simple reason why we act the way that we do. If you’re trying to control every aspect of a date and trying to meet the “perfect” guy, maybe you’ve been hurt too much in the past or you’re afraid you’ll never find anyone. It’s okay to admit what’s wrong and to work out your issues. When you do, you’ll realize that what restaurant you go to on the first (or second, or beyond) date doesn’t matter at all.
- Get happy. If only it were that easy. But seriously, if you can find happiness or at least some source of inner peace, then you can shrug off the little things that used to annoy you and drive you crazy.
- Only date people you actually like. Sounds pretty obvious but it’s not always. Sometimes we’re so tired of never meeting anyone we’re into that we go on a few dates with a guy we’re not even attracted to just because they’re nice. If you can make sure you really want that second date, your perfectionist ways won’t rear that ugly head so much.
- Make dating more fun. If you’re enjoying yourself, you won’t care if things aren’t perfect. Nothing will be so you might as well get used to it. Instead of the typical dinner or drinks date, try out-of-the-box ideas like a Sunday afternoon hike (or city walk if there’s nowhere to hike where you live) or a wine-tasting class. When in doubt, think of your fave rom-com and steal one of their date ideas (you think I’m joking).
- Find another planner. Opposites may attract and yet sometimes, it’s great to find someone who totally gets where we’re coming from. If you can find another planner – a guy who is super into his career, sticks to his word, and isn’t afraid of taking the reins when it comes to choosing restaurants or vacation spots – then you’ll basically be in heaven.
