I Dated A Guy Who Refused To Get A Job & This Is What I Learned

Once upon a time, I fell for an unemployed dude, and you can be certain this story didn’t end like a fairytale. Unfortunately, there’s no happily ever after with a man who won’t work to be self-sufficient, and I learned that lesson the hard way. Here’s what happened when I dated a guy who refused to get a job.

  1. If he’s lazy in life, he’ll be lazy in the relationship too. He didn’t know how to make an effort in any aspect of his life. I don’t know why I ever thought that he’d be different when it came to me. At the end of the day, he wouldn’t get a job not because he wasn’t capable of doing work, he just didn’t care enough to — he was lazy. He didn’t make an effort in his career and he never put an effort into being my boyfriend either.
  2. He has no sense of pride. What would he have to be proud of in his life? He put off a false sense of confidence because really he had the lowest of low self-esteem. He had no sort of self-worth because what is HE really worth? No job means he contributes nothing to society. While he acted like his carefree life was grand, deep down he was ashamed, but still too lazy to do something about it.
  3. He expects everything to be handed to him. He didn’t come from money, but he was the baby of the family. He’d been spoiled his whole life, so he never developed a work ethic. He thought that life was just supposed to be easy. If he ever had to put in any kind of work, he just quit. To him, using guilt to get money was way better than earning it himself. Bottom line — if he really has to work for it, then it’s just not worth it.
  4. He mooches off from everyone, including me. Money isn’t everything, but it is important. I dated a guy who never had money to pay for anything, but that didn’t stop him from going out. He used the sympathy card and would agree to go out and have fun only when someone else agreed to pay for him. He was the life of the party, but I didn’t want to constantly pay for that party.
  5. If you’re not going out, you’re just hanging out. We spent so much time just sitting around because he could never afford to do anything. It didn’t feel like a real relationship. We couldn’t go on dates or celebrate holidays or really anything. Unless I was going to be the sugar mama, we wouldn’t do anything at all. At the end of the day, I think my money was all he really wanted.
  6. If his life isn’t moving forward, he’s just going to hold me back. There’s no future when you’re dating a guy with no job, and I’m saying that from experience. The whole time we were dating, I just felt stuck. I couldn’t see a future with a man who saw no future for himself. We couldn’t make plans because he had no ground to stand on. His life was completely unstable, and he was perfectly comfortable with doing the bare minimum just to get by.
  7. I need someone who’s going down the same path as I am. I’m a driven career woman. I’m independent and strong and I want a partner who can match that. I don’t want some lazy bum who’s just going to weigh me down. I want to live life in the fast lane and you can’t live life to the fullest when you spend every day just sitting around.
  8. Wanting a guy with a job doesn’t make me a gold digger. It’s not about the money—well, not entirely. I don’t think of a man’s money as my money, not even a man I’m dating, but I do want him to have money so I’m not carrying the burden of every expense. More than that, I want a man who’s driven and passionate about something in his life. I want a man who has a purpose and has something that makes him get out of bed in the morning. At the end of the day, a job does a lot more than provide a paycheck.
  9. Lazy people are selfish people. Our relationship was always about him. Everything was about what he wanted and what he needed. That’s what all his relationships were like, romantic or not. He was so dependent on everyone around him that he didn’t have time to worry about their needs, wants or happiness. He thought of everyone else as a means to his survival. He could never be true boyfriend material because he was stuck in his own selfish needy bubble.
  10. A man who won’t get a job is just plain immature. At the end of the day, he just didn’t know how to be an adult. He couldn’t do anything for himself. He was living with Peter Pan syndrome. He never wanted to grow up, get a real job, and fend for himself. What I learned from the guy who refused to get a job is that if a guy can’t be an adult with the rest of his life then he’s damn sure too childish for a real and mature relationship.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.