The way I’ve been approaching dating clearly isn’t working, so it’s time to try something new. I’m going to go with the flow and try to chill out about everything and maybe that’ll help. It isn’t the method that comes naturally to me, but it’s worth a try.
I’m loosening up and trying not to be so neurotic.
I can’t take the strain of caring so much anymore. It doesn’t change the results I get, so I’m trying to stop feeling attached to the outcome of my dating attempts and instead value the journey. If it doesn’t end up working out, I can always go back to my old ways, so what’s the harm? I might as well try a new mindset.
I’m keeping an open mind and dating outside the box.
I have a very specific idea of what I want in a man but I’m trying out the idea of opening up to options that don’t seem exactly right at first. It can’t hurt to give it a try—maybe I’ll learn something in the meantime. The worst thing that can happen is that it’ll reaffirm that I do want what I initially thought I did.
I’m letting go of expectations.
The only person that gets let down by my expectations of dating is me. I make the stakes too high and invest too much emotion in the possibility of love before anything goes anywhere. Sometimes I get super hopeful before I even go on the first date! I always get let down because of my premature excitement so I’m going to adjust my approach.
I’m giving guys a chance to surprise me.
They usually don’t, but maybe that’s because I’m not giving them any kind of opening. I suppose there’s no harm in relaxing my rigid requirements and giving a decent guy a couple hours of my time. If I decide eventually that the strategy isn’t working out, I’ll readjust my strategy again.
I’m not getting frustrated every time a man pulls some crap.
It’s going to happen a lot and I need to resign myself to the fact that I’ll do a lot of dating before I find the guy I want. I’m certainly not finding him by sitting on my couch alone every night. I’m not going to get all pissed off the next time a dude pulls a douche move. I’m simply going to drop him right away and keep on keeping on.
I’m learning to spot red flags sooner.
I can’t get more practice noticing warning signs if I’m not dating at all. It’s frustrating to realize too late that a guy is a mess, but I get better at seeing it every time it happens. Progress comes slowly sometimes but it’s still worth getting out there and making the effort.
I’m not fixating on it anymore.
I have to find the sweet spot where dating fits into my life. It can’t be too high of a priority but I can’t make it a non-priority either. I’m so black-and-white when it comes to my love life. Either I’m all about a guy or men aren’t even on my radar. It’s time to try to be more functional about it.
I’m not letting strangers disappoint me.
I’m giving these people way too much weight in my life. Why give a man I barely know the power to control my emotions? When I think of it that way, it totally changes everything. I am determined to take my control over my own life back and simply let go of whatever may happen. There’s no point in getting attached to an idea.
I’m recognizing that dating isn’t my main priority.
Part of my struggle is figuring out how to prioritize my life, and I need to accept that if dating isn’t high up on the list, I might not do much of it. I’m coming to terms with the fact that if I really want a relationship I might have to put more effort into meeting guys, and if I don’t want to then maybe I don’t want a boyfriend as badly as I think I do.
I’m forcing myself to be realistic.
I’ll be honest—my romantic ideals have always led me to secretly hope the right guy will just conveniently drop into my lap with no effort on my part. Now I’m begrudgingly admitting it probably won’t be that simple. I hate it, but that doesn’t change the fact that I need to adjust my perspective.
I’m trying to look at my choices objectively.
Sometimes I choose to use a free night to go on a date. It usually doesn’t work out all that well. I have to own that result and move on. Sometimes I choose to use a free night to spend time with friends. This is generally more satisfying but I know it won’t get me any closer to finding love. I also have to own that fact and accept the choice I made.
I’m looking past the image and see the person.
A guy might look amazing on paper, but we also might have zero chemistry. On the other hand, I could have an amazing connection with someone I would’ve never thought I’d like. I have to be as open as possible and let my heart and soul lead me in the right direction.
I’m figuring out my non-negotiables.
I used to have a long list of what I absolutely would not accept when dating a guy—there were so many rules that my friends laughed at me. Now I’m trying to be more reasonable while also recognizing that there are certain qualities I really do need in a partner.
I’m letting it all flow and occur naturally.
This means that I have decided not to swear off dating altogether but also not to attack it too aggressively. I’m enjoying my life and staying in the present. I’m keeping my eyes and heart open while I go about creating the best life possible for myself and hoping that it all works out for me in the end.
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