I Take Charge When I Like A Guy & It’s Working Out Really Well

I’m an alpha female. I have a dominant personality, and this means that I go for what I want and I’m not afraid to make the first move. You might think it puts guys off, but in reality, most guys think it’s awesome when I go after them — and I won’t be stopping anytime soon.

  1. The shock-factor is fun. I find it funny when men are surprised by my unapologetic showing of self. I have a big personality and I’m not afraid to show up as I am. This often means being the first one to lean in for a kiss or to be the one to set up dates. It always makes me giggle when guys are surprised by my actions as if they’ve never had a woman take the reins before.
  2. As an alpha female, I really don’t know any other way to be. I’ve had women in my life tell me that I’m supposed to observe gender roles and let myself be courted. I really can’t help but laugh at this advice. You can’t tell someone to be a person they’re not and I just am not someone who sits around waiting. I go after what I want and I may have a traditionally masculine flair while doing so. There’s nothing wrong with my ways.
  3. The right guy won’t be scared away. I love this quote by Mila Kunis: “I think playing coy is silly. Speak your mind. If a man gets turned off, he’s the wrong man.” I’m sure my forwardness has scared off some men. Rather than pouting over it, I say good riddance. The right guy won’t run off because I’ve stepped out of my “girly” role where I’m to play coy, shy, and reserved. Screw that.
  4. The guy for me is someone who doesn’t feel his masculinity is threatened. Let’s be real — some men have their masculinity threatened way too easily. They have a hot temper and they can’t take jokes. They certainly don’t want a woman to slide in and pick up the check. Whatever, if that’s your cup of tea, I can’t knock it. For me, though, I know that I love men who are comfortable in their masculinity, ones that can handle me picking up the reins here and there.
  5. Gender roles are overrated anyway. Some people love gender roles and they thrive with them in place. The designated roles provide them a structure that dictates behavior for both people. As I’m queer, I’ve dated women, non-binary folks, and trans people. Dating all flavors of gender really throws a wrench in traditional dating roles. If someone is dead-set on the man being the breadwinner and the one who courts the woman, what happens if two women are dating each other? I’d like to thank my queerness for showing me that we don’t have to stick to this age-old way of being.
  6. The research is on my side. According to a new survey by dating site OkCupid, women who make the first move increase their chances of dating more attractive men. The study found that when a woman contacts a man first, 30 percent of those messages turn into a conversation. Women are 2.5 times more likely to get a response than men are when they initiate contact. I’ll stick to my tried and true ways, they clearly will land me hot men.
  7. I’m not afraid to ask for what I want and need. I’m prone to getting into feminist rants, but I’ll summarize it for you: as women, we’re not taught how to ask for what we need. We’re taught to take what’s given to us, let men do the heavy lifting, and wait around for them to make the decisions. This is all patriarchal BS that sneaks its way into our dating lives. With some strong lady figures in my life, I’ve learned that I’m allowed and encouraged to demand what I want and need. This doesn’t make me a bitch, it means that I love and respect myself so much that I ask for the same from my partner.
  8. I like paying for dinner if I initiated the date. You’ve probably heard this suggestion, right? Modern dating has made it a thing; whoever asks for the date pays for the date. Some women get around this by never being the one to initiate the date. We’ve already cleared up that this isn’t me, so I offer to pay when I’m the one who’s asked. I’m not super rigid about needing to pay. Sometimes the dude wants to pay or wants to split it and I’m open to negotiation. On the whole, though, I like to pay if I’ve initiated the date.
  9. The relationship success rate in the US isn’t anything to brag about, so why not do things my way? Some crazy statistics about relationships in the US were cited in an article by Kevin J Harris: “100 couples will go on a first date tonight. In 3 months time, 85 percent of these couples will no longer be together or talking to each other. 4 couples will make it to 1 year. Yikes, that is 4 percent of the original group” The odds are stacked against me in dating. Most of us do not have an easy or successful time of things. So, I’d rather be true to myself and be happy than go along with the “tried and true” ways that actually aren’t so tried and true after all.
  10. Just because I make the first move doesn’t mean I make all of them. I love to make the first move, whether it’s initiating contact, giving him my phone number, asking him out on a date, or leaning in for the first kiss. These are all fun, but I also do pull back sometimes. I know that my forwardness can get me into trouble. I can be too aggressive and then I’m smacked in the face when someone doesn’t like me. It’s important that there’s a give-and-take, so I also leave room for dudes to show me they’re interested.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at ginelletesta.com.