You’re either totally down for PDA or vehemently opposed to it. If you’re a lady who loves it but you have a boyfriend who’s against it, you really shouldn’t force him to do it if he doesn’t want to. In fact, there are legitimate reasons he might not be into showing his affection for you in public.
- He’s shy. You should already have a good idea on whether or not your boyfriend is an introvert. If you’re dating someone who’s shy by nature, he’s not going to like PDA. As a bit of an introvert myself, I can tell you that we just don’t like the attention. We know women mean no harm with your love of PDA, but it can definitely attract the eyes of strangers, and that’s something we shy guys would prefer to avoid.
- He’s a private person. Some of us simply don’t want to share our personal lives with the world. If your boyfriend doesn’t like making your relationship the centerpiece of his social media pages, he’s probably not a fan of PDA either. He may value your relationship a lot and prefer to keep it private rather than share an intimate moment out in public.
- He was raised to hate it. I’m not technically a psychologist, but I learned enough from Psych 205 in college to know that guys whose families weren’t that affectionate growing up probably aren’t going to be fans of PDA. The same is probably true for women. If your family wasn’t super affectionate, you never got comfortable with that kind of stuff or learned that it’s perfectly fine to display affection toward a loved one in public.
- His friends are watching. It’s possible that your boyfriend is only against PDA when his friends or other people he knows are around. A lot of times, guys can get weird about giving our friends a front-row seat for their romantic moments. If you didn’t know this already, your boyfriend is probably a different person when he’s around his friends without your watchful eyes on him. He’d like to keep up that persona as much as possible, so he doesn’t want to get all lovey-dovey with you around his friends, who may also tease him about it later on.
- He lacks control. OK, so some guys get a little nuts about always being in control. Believe it or not, PDA can be a threat to that. If you’re the one who’s always initiating the PDA, he may feel like he’s losing control of the situation and be resistant to it. Maybe you can try nudging him in the right direction so he’s the one to initiate the PDA so he feels like he’s in control. You can also just accept that he doesn’t like PDA.
- He’s insecure about his manliness. For the record, I think this is a stupid reason to hate PDA, but for some guys, it’s true. Somewhere along the line, your boyfriend may have been programmed to think that holding hands or other kinds of basic PDA aren’t “manly.” Somehow he’s less of a man for letting you kiss him in public. I agree this is incredibly stupid, but it does explain why some guys hate PDA.
- He hates seeing others do it. In my opinion, this reason is a lot more reasonable. Personally, I hate watching the PDA of other people, so obviously it’d be hypocritical of me to engage in PDA myself. If your boyfriend is like me in this regard, his disdain for PDA has nothing to do with his feelings toward you. Rather, he’s looking out for people like him who just don’t care to see the intimate moments of strangers out in public.
- He’s the jealous type. As we’ve established, PDA can draw the attention of strangers, and if your boyfriend is the jealous type, he’s not going to like that. It may sound very caveman-esque, but a boyfriend who’s prone to jealousy won’t want a bunch of strangers gawking at “his woman” during a PDA session. Thus, he’ll brush off your attempts at PDA as much as possible.
- You’re pushing too hard. If a guy is set in his ways, he’s going to hate it even more if you keep trying to push him to do it. If you get the impression he’s not into PDA, the best thing you can do is just respect that and back off. Give him time and maybe he’ll come around to liking it. If not, just be glad that you don’t have bigger problems in your relationship.