14 Reasons Amazing Men Are So Elusive

Finding a guy isn’t hard, but finding an amazing one sometimes feels downright impossible. It’s not, of course, but here’s why your search may take a whole lot longer if you’re looking for a man of superior quality:

  1. Hookup culture is rampant. It seems like every guy you meet wants to hook up with you instead of have a real relationship. WTF? Finding someone who wants something solid and mature is like finding a needle in a haystack. Welcome to hookup culture, where you get a warm bed for a night before moving onto someone else. Ugh.
  2. You’re facing the wrong way. YOU might actually have something to do with not being able to find a great guy. Hear me out. You could be heading to places frequented by jerks like clubs and pubs, where it’s not common to find a decent guy. Expand your horizons. Go to bookstores and join a hiking group or meet up with those old school friends who always want to set you up with their sexy friend. You can’t meet a great guy if you don’t try something new.
  3. Nice guys bore you. You know the drill—those nice guys are just so… accommodating and pleasing. Sometimes you feel like they’re so sweet, they could give you heartburn. You want a guy who doesn’t only have niceness going for him, for God’s sake.
  4. Some great guys don’t date. If you wonder why you can’t get a date with a great guy, here’s something to consider: maybe he’s sick of dating. Maybe the great guys can’t seem to find great women, so they’ve pulled themselves off the dating scene for a while.
  5. Some men are lazy daters. Perhaps hookup culture is to blame for how so many men seem lazy AF on the dating scene. They don’t have to put in much effort because they can just score and then move on. Or, they’ve come to depend on women taking the dating initiative.
  6. Guys are dating down. Have you ever noticed how often it happens that the guy you’re into chooses another woman who hasn’t got her act together or is riddled with issues? It could be that some guys are lowering their dating standards because they’re intimidated by successful women who have their lives in order. Sad but true.
  7. Your standards are high. You weed out all the jerks with your standards but then the good guys don’t rise up to meet them. Ugh. This doesn’t mean you should lower your standards, by the way. You’re not desperate. The right man will meet them, but you might have to wait a while—a “good guy” isn’t the same thing as a “great guy.”
  8. You don’t have time to date. It’s a bit unfair to say that great men are hard to find if you’re not putting yourself out there a bit. It’s not like he’s just going to appear in the fruit aisle at your favorite supermarket and bond with you over the organic strawberries, know what I mean? Sometimes you’ve got to treat your love life as any other part of your life, like getting fit or being promoted at work: you’ve got to make time for it.
  9. Some good guys are actors. You meet a guy who seems great and it’s so refreshing, but then as time passes, you start to see that he’s actually not that great. He’s been pretending to be the nice guy when he’s really the jerk. Ugh!
  10. Some great guys are shy. Just because a guy’s a catch, it doesn’t mean he’s rolling in confidence. In fact, sometimes those are the shyest guys—like the gorgeous nerd at your office who doesn’t realize just how much he’s got going for him. Although we like to think that no matter how shy a guy is, he’ll make a move if he’s really interested (and that’s true for the most part), there are beta guys out there who aren’t always going to take the lead.
  11. You’re attracted to the wrong guys. Maybe you don’t even notice the sexy nerd at the office or the sweet guy who keeps “liking” your posts on Facebook. Why? You’re giving your attention to the guys who seem mysterious, play hard to get and look badass. Reality check: they’re jerks and bad boys who are going to disappoint you.
  12. Many men are ditching commitment. Some guys might wonder why they should get into relationships at all if they can easily score a hookup/friend with benefits or have an “almost relationship” that gives them relationship perks. Dating’s too damn convenient these days because we’ve got a dating setup for all different kinds of commitment-phobes. SMH.
  13. Dating apps suck. Spend enough time on a dating app and you’re guaranteed to experience dating burnout, thanks to all the jerks that are on there. It takes time to meet a great guy and just because there are so may dating apps out there doesn’t mean you should rely on them because they’re not always going to reveal Mr. Right. If you limit yourself to them, you’re lowering your chances of finding a great guy.
  14. You’re not working on yourself. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea of finding a great guy, but wait—what about being a great woman? You can’t expect to find a person who matches everything on your list if you’re not meeting those requirements yourself. You’ll probably be attracting guys who fall short of your standards if you’re doing the same thing. So, take time to be the best you can be and the bonus is that even if you don’t meet Mr. Right, you’ll fall in love with yourself.
Jessica Blake is a writer who loves good books and good men, and realizes how difficult it is to find both.