Are you finding that people are often walking away from you? Telling you that you’re too much? Eharmony coined the phrase “dating drainer” to describe someone who sucks the life out of others. Also known as an “energy vampire,” you might be one if you have these 14 traits.
You’re constantly negative. You see the glass as half empty and you’re always looking on the negative side of things. It’s really hard for you to see the positive in anything because your brain centers right in on what’s wrong. As a result, you’re a huge worrier, constantly thinking about what could go poorly.
You’re a chronic complainer. Similarly to being negative, you complain about everything you perceive as wrong. A few minutes can’t go by without a complaint coming out of your mouth. Sure, we all have to air our grievances, but the difference is that you don’t look for a solution. You just whine.
You have poor boundaries. Having poor boundaries can show up in a bunch of ways, but some examples are you struggle to tell people how you’re feeling, you’re obsessed with what others think of you, and you tend to stay in negative relationships. Poor boundaries are a drain on others because they make it hard to relate in a healthy way.
You talk a lot but don’t listen. When you’re with someone, they hear all about your life. You go on and on without being conscious of how much space you’re taking up. If you are conscious, you just don’t care. In addition, you’re a poor listener. You’re always waiting to talk and never opening your ears to what the other person is saying.
You create mountains out of molehills. One little problem is regularly turned into a giant problem with you. It’s never right-sized. When you find out that there’s an issue in the family, you make it your own problem and you blow it way out of proportion. It’s hard for you to deal with the molehill just as it is.
You’re highly critical. You criticize loved one’s every move. Nothing they do is safe from your judgment. This is one way to deflect attention off of you and keep it on others. The constant criticism is hard for loved ones to deal with because they want to be loved and accepted just like you.
You have a lot of resentments. It’s easy for you to feel resentful at people, places, and things. You harbor resentments often because you can be negative and critical. These resentments hold you back from connecting with the people around you and leave them tired as all heck. It’s hard to deal with someone who’s mad at the world.
You blame others often. It’s extremely difficult for you to own your part in issues. You regularly place the blame on those around you. This is totally draining on your loved ones because it means that everything is their fault rather than you taking the blame for once. It’s difficult to level with you because you’ll point the finger instead of being introspective.
You’re passive-aggressive. You seldom come right out and say what you’re thinking. Rather, you grumble about it and hope that the other person figures out what you mean. Passive-aggressiveness is hard for people around you because it’s like you’re always playing games… very mean games.
You’re constantly playing the victim. Everything that you decide is yours to own becomes yours. No matter what the circumstance is, you take the situation on and become a victim. This makes people around you roll your eyes because you turn something into being all about you when it wasn’t at all in the first place.
You exaggerate a lot. Everything is always exaggerated. See what I did there? But really, you make sure to tell grandiose stories where things are ten times more exciting than they really were. You also exaggerate when you’re complaining or criticizing, leaving it hard for people to want to listen to you.
You frequently gossip. Rather than talking about your own downfalls and mistakes, you’re laser-focused on everyone else’s. You love to talk all about what other people may be doing wrong, but never about your own stuff. This is exhausting for those around you because they don’t want to hear about what Sally did or didn’t do.
You’re insecure. You’re constantly looking for validation because you’re uncomfortable in your skin. You beat yourself up out loud to others, fishing for compliments to ease your worries. You’d never admit that you’re insecure, though. Instead, you mask it behind a facade of confidence.
You’re narcissistic. There are many characteristics of a narcissist, but some are a lack of empathy for others, always being right, and grandiosity. The absence of empathy, for example, is wildly troubling because you’re all in your head about your stuff rather than being able to connect with others.
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