My Dating Life Hit Rock Bottom So I Did These 10 Things To Make A Change

For what felt like an eternity, my dating life was a disaster. Every date I went on ended awkwardly and every “almost relationship” I had ended in tears. That’s when I decided to take a step back and figure out a way to make a change. Thankfully, doing these things helped:

  1. I Talked About How Much Dating Sucked. I knew I couldn’t have been the only one out there with a crappy dating life, and I was right. A lot of my friends hated the dating world too — they just didn’t admit it until I brought it up. Turns out, they were just as tired, angry, and pissed off at how hard it is for a 20-something-year-old woman to find love these days too. We bitched about the trials and tribulations of dating and it felt good to know I wasn’t alone.
  2. I Stopped Going On Dates Altogether. To fix my dating issues, I had to stop dating altogether in order to see what exactly those issues were. That’s exactly what I did. I didn’t go on any type of date — not even a casual coffee date! I deleted my dating apps, stopped accepting invitations to go out for drinks, and even avoided hanging out with my friends that LOVED playing matchmaker whenever we went out. I was off the grid, and it felt amazing.
  3. I Cut Ties With All My Friends With Benefits. Sex gets in the way of everything. Maybe it’s just me, but sex would always cloud my judgment. That’s why I decided to basically be a nun for a while. Not only was I not going on dates, I also wasn’t sleeping with anyone! My cookie jar was completely closed (to guys, not to my favorite vibe). Taking sex off the table allowed me to see just how much I was leading with it.
  4. I Stopped Texting Guys I Wasn’t Interested In. Real talk. I had a habit of texting guys I really didn’t like out of the blue when I was feeling lonely in the hopes that they would give me some sort of validation. I forced myself to stop doing that, which made me realize how much I relied on what other people (specifically, guys) thought about me.
  5. I Reflected On What I’d Been Told. Whenever another almost relationship would end, the guy would always take it upon himself to tell me why I was so bad at dating. However, those things were usually rude so I never really listened. When I decided to reassess my dating life, I started to reflect on what they said. Every guy I dated seemed to think I was guarded, unemotional, and quick to the draw — turns out, they were right.
  6. I Practiced Self-Love. I wasn’t dating any guys, so I decided to date myself. I focused on my own needs and spent time making myself happy. I didn’t worry about anyone else, which might sound selfish, but I realized that it’s important to be selfish sometimes. It allowed me to become more in tune with my insecurities, goals, wants, and aspirations. Practicing self-love was the best thing I could’ve ever done.
  7. I Took A Closer Look At The Guys I Went Out With. Every guy I went out with was different but they all had something very similar in common: I wasn’t super interested in any of them. Either our friends hooked us up or we meet somewhere and I thought, “Eh…why not?” None of the guys I dated had me on the edge of my seat or made me feel like I was living in a Nicholas Sparks’ novel. They were safe choices, and that was one of the problems.
  8. I Reevaluated My Friend Group. They say you are the people you spend most of your time with. My friends were all super fun and I loved them, but they were also horrible at dating. They partied too much, had way too many one-night stands, and hated the idea of settling down. I realized that the company I kept had something to do with the person I was.
  9. I Realized I Was The Reason A Lot Of My Dates Sucked. Was it me, or was it all of them? For the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with every guy I dated. Some of them were definitely off, but the issue was with me more than them. My dating life sucked because I wasn’t putting my all into it. My guard was always up, and I had no intention of letting it down.
  10. I Made A List Of What I Wanted. Discovering why my dating life sucked didn’t make me want to stop dating. Sure, I took a break, but the goal wasn’t to avoid relationships for the rest of my life, it was to make sure I was ready to be in one later down the road. That’s why, during my sabbatical, I made a list. I wrote down what I wanted in a partner and what I wanted to be able to give to a partner. Physically seeing my wants and needs made me that much more motivated to change my bad dating luck once and for all.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.