For what felt like an eternity, my dating life was a disaster. Every date I went on ended awkwardly and every “almost relationship” I had ended in tears. That’s when I decided to take a step back and figure out a way to make a change. Thankfully, doing these things helped:
I Talked About How Much Dating Sucked.
I knew I couldn’t have been the only one out there with a crappy dating life, and I was right. A lot of my friends hated the dating world too — they just didn’t admit it until I brought it up. Turns out, they were just as tired, angry, and pissed off at how hard it is for a 20-something-year-old woman to find love these days too. We bitched about the trials and tribulations of dating and it felt good to know I wasn’t alone.
I Stopped Going On Dates Altogether.
To fix my dating issues, I had to stop dating altogether in order to see what exactly those issues were. That’s exactly what I did. I didn’t go on any type of date — not even a casual coffee date! I deleted my dating apps, stopped accepting invitations to go out for drinks, and even avoided hanging out with my friends that LOVED playing matchmaker whenever we went out. I was off the grid, and it felt amazing.
I Cut Ties With All My Friends With Benefits.
Sex gets in the way of everything. Maybe it’s just me, but sex would always cloud my judgment. That’s why I decided to basically be a nun for a while. Not only was I not going on dates, I also wasn’t sleeping with anyone! My cookie jar was completely closed (to guys, not to my favorite vibe). Taking sex off the table allowed me to see just how much I was leading with it.
I Stopped Texting Guys I Wasn’t Interested In.
Real talk. I had a habit of texting guys I really didn’t like out of the blue when I was feeling lonely in the hopes that they would give me some sort of validation. I forced myself to stop doing that, which made me realize how much I relied on what other people (specifically, guys) thought about me.
I Reflected On What I’d Been Told.
Whenever another almost relationship would end, the guy would always take it upon himself to tell me why I was so bad at dating. However, those things were usually rude so I never really listened. When I decided to reassess my dating life, I started to reflect on what they said. Every guy I dated seemed to think I was guarded, unemotional, and quick to the draw — turns out, they were right.
I Practiced Self-Love.
I wasn’t dating any guys, so I decided to date myself. I focused on my own needs and spent time making myself happy. I didn’t worry about anyone else, which might sound selfish, but I realized that it’s important to be selfish sometimes. It allowed me to become more in tune with my insecurities, goals, wants, and aspirations. Practicing self-love was the best thing I could’ve ever done.
I Took A Closer Look At The Guys I Went Out With.
Every guy I went out with was different but they all had something very similar in common: I wasn’t super interested in any of them. Either our friends hooked us up or we meet somewhere and I thought, “Eh…why not?” None of the guys I dated had me on the edge of my seat or made me feel like I was living in a Nicholas Sparks’ novel. They were safe choices, and that was one of the problems.
I Reevaluated My Friend Group.
They say you are the people you spend most of your time with. My friends were all super fun and I loved them, but they were also horrible at dating. They partied too much, had way too many one-night stands, and hated the idea of settling down. I realized that the company I kept had something to do with the person I was.
I Realized I Was The Reason A Lot Of My Dates Sucked.
Was it me, or was it all of them? For the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with every guy I dated. Some of them were definitely off, but the issue was with me more than them. My dating life sucked because I wasn’t putting my all into it. My guard was always up, and I had no intention of letting it down.
I Made A List Of What I Wanted.
Discovering why my dating life sucked didn’t make me want to stop dating. Sure, I took a break, but the goal wasn’t to avoid relationships for the rest of my life, it was to make sure I was ready to be in one later down the road. That’s why, during my sabbatical, I made a list. I wrote down what I wanted in a partner and what I wanted to be able to give to a partner. Physically seeing my wants and needs made me that much more motivated to change my bad dating luck once and for all.
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