Deadpan Comebacks For People Who Can’t Take a Joke

Deadpan Comebacks For People Who Can’t Take a Joke

Ever had that friend who gets offended at the slightest joke? You know, the one who ruins the mood faster than you can say “just kidding!”? If you’re tired of walking on eggshells, it’s time to fight back (with words, of course!). We’ve got the perfect comebacks for those who need a thicker skin – delivered with a side of deadpan sarcasm. Here’s how disarm the perpetually offended and maybe even crack a smile out of them. After all, if they can’t take a joke, they shouldn’t dish them out!

1. “I’d explain it to you, but I’m afraid your head might explode.”

This is the perfect response when someone’s overreaction feels especially ridiculous. A little sarcasm highlights how unnecessary their sensitivity is. Bonus points if you keep a totally straight face while delivering it! Maybe even toss in a slow head shake for good measure, implying they just might lack the brainpower to get it.

You may also like: Reasons Your Adult Children Want Nothing To Do With You

2. “My bad, I didn’t know I needed to submit my jokes for approval beforehand.”

This one calls out their need for control in a humorous way. Did they think you were required to run everything by them first? Throw this question back at them and watch them fumble for a response. For extra sass, offer them a mock “joke approval form” to fill out.

Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily

3. “If you can dish it out, you should be able to take it.”

Sometimes, the most effective comebacks are the simple ones, Reader’s Digest points out. This reminds them of the golden rule of playful banter. If they’re constantly dishing out playful jabs but can’t handle it in return, it’s a bit hypocritical, wouldn’t you say? Let them know their double standard isn’t fooling anyone.

You may also like: People Who Had Unhappy Childhoods Usually Develop These Traits

4. “Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of the sensitivity bed.”

A little sass goes a long way! Their over-the-top reaction is kind of funny when you think about it. Let them know their touchiness is amusing rather than intimidating. Maybe even act like you’re checking under the bed, searching for what could possibly have made them THIS grumpy!

Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily

5. “Lighten up, it’s not that serious.”

female friends laughingn during conversation

They’re the ones making a big fuss, so put things back into perspective. This comeback gently suggests they may have overreacted, inviting them to relax and enjoy the moment. You could even follow it with, “We’re just having fun here!” to really drive the point home.

You may also like: How A Narcissist Acts When You Start Seeing Through Their BS

6. “Well, that escalated quickly.”

Multi-ethnic group of smiling young people talking outdoors in the city

If a playful comment turns into a full-blown meltdown, highlight the absurdity of the situation. It shows their reaction is completely uncalled for, possibly making them (and those around you) laugh at their expense. Act confused, and a little bewildered – maybe this is a prank, right?

Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily

7. “Are you gonna cry about it?”

young couple chatting on street

Okay, this one is best reserved for when you know the person can handle a bit of rough teasing. But if their oversensitivity truly borders on childishness, call them out! It might be the comedic shock they need to snap out of it. Bonus: hand them a tissue with exaggerated sympathy.

You may also like: 15 Things To Keep To Yourself Because They’re Nobody’s Business But Yours

8. “Sorry, did I hurt your feelings?”

Deploy this with a healthy dose of fake sincerity. It perfectly mirrors the “can’t you take a joke?” line, highlighting how immature their complaint really is. For maximum effect, follow this with a concerned head tilt like you’re genuinely baffled by their delicate nature.

Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily

9. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll get over it eventually.”

The ultimate dismissive comeback! This suggests they’re dragging out their hurt feelings for dramatic effect and they need to just get a grip and move on already. Follow it with an exaggerated eye roll for bonus points! Maybe even pat them on the shoulder in a condescending way, as if to comfort a small child.

You may also like: How A Narcissist Acts When They Can’t Fool You Anymore

10. “Oooh, someone’s got a case of the Mondays.”

Grumpiness can be at the root of someone not being able to take a joke. Deflect their negativity towards something everyone understands – a bad case of the Mondays. Maybe they just need coffee! Or maybe a whole week of vacation far far away… Hand them a cup of coffee with a smile, maybe that jolt of caffeine will make them tolerable.

Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily

11. “Alright, Debbie Downer, let’s change the subject.”

Their bad vibes are ruining the fun for everyone. Briefly acknowledge their sensitivity, but then firmly switch gears to something more positive. It’s time to reclaim the good mood! If they continue their bad attitude, it might be time to disengage completely. Or, offer to brainstorm with them some fun topics they might actually enjoy.

You may also like: 16 Signs You Didn’t Get Enough Affection As A Child

12. “I guess I’ll just have to find someone with a sense of humor.”

If they’re determined to be a grump, it might be time to disengage, Forbes suggests. Let them stew in their sour mood while you find someone else to have fun with. Sometimes walking away is the best comeback. Maybe loudly announce, “Alright folks, who here actually knows how to laugh?” Or if you’re feeling bold, simply turn around and slowly walk away!

Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily

13. “Are you always this much fun?”

Sarcasm alert! This is a playful way of saying, “lighten up!” It turns their negativity right back on them, highlighting how they’re sucking the energy out of the room. Follow this up with an offer to get them a “fun transplant” if they need some help in that department. Maybe even pull out a fake prescription pad and write them an order for “Chill Pills”.

You may also like: 18 Personality Traits Of An Unhappily Married Man

14. “Someone needs a hug.”

Are they really upset, or just looking for attention? Offer a sarcastic hug for some lighthearted teasing. It might soften their dramatics, or at least get them to crack a smile. If they dare actually give you a hug, return it dramatically… and maybe even start sobbing for comedic effect. You could even make a show of getting out a notepad and writing down the date as if this hug is a historic event.

Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily

15. “Noted. Adding that to your list of triggers.”

If this is a repeat offender, play along with their delicate sensibilities. Pretend to have a mental notes app where you jot down every little thing that sets them off. It’s a little petty, but oh so satisfying. Maybe add in a few ridiculous entries – gets offended by sunshine, hates butterflies – just to make the point that they’re being unreasonable. Perhaps you can even offer to laminate your list for safekeeping and to add to it as they continue to be overly sensitive.

You may also like: Don’t Share These 15 Things With Anyone — They’re Nobody’s Business But Yours

16. “You seem stressed, want to talk about it?”

Sometimes, people who lash out are actually dealing with something deeper. If you care about this person, extending a genuine offer to listen might be more productive than a witty comeback. But remember, it’s still important to set boundaries – you’re not their personal therapist! And let’s be honest, if they’re always this sensitive, chances are their problems are way bigger than you can solve in a brief conversation.

Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow Bolde on MSN for more!

Originally from Australia, Emma Mills graduated from the University of Queensland with a dual degree in Philosophy and Applied Linguistics before moving to Los Angeles to become a professional matchmaker (a bit of a shift, obviously). Since 2015, she has helped more than 150 people find lasting love and remains passionate about bringing amazing singletons together.

Emma is also the author of the upcoming Hachette publication, "Off the Beaten Track: Finding Lasting Love in the Least Likely of Places," due out in January 2025.