9 Ways To Deal With Someone Who Comes On Too Strong, Too Fast

9 Ways To Deal With Someone Who Comes On Too Strong, Too Fast

You’ve met an amazing person who gives you the feels, but there’s one catch: they’re taking things so fast you’re feeling dizzy. Although it’s exciting to start a new romantic adventure, you don’t want to end up with someone who’s faking the connection and is about to self-destruct and ghost you. Hell no. So, what do you do? Although you don’t want to jump the gun and cut them out of your life ’cause they might be interested in something legit, you do want to ensure you don’t get screwed over – or give too much of yourself too soon. So, here are nine ways to deal with a person who comes on too strong and too fast.

1. Check In With Yourself.

How you feel matters, no matter what. Don’t just go along with the speed they’re setting. Make sure you stop, press pause, and reflect on whether or not this person’s actually right for you. Look beyond the grand romantic gestures and all the fun you’re having with them to see how you’re feeling along the way. If there are red flags, acknowledge them!

2. Quiz Them About Their Last Relationship.

Sometimes, the sad truth is that some people can come on too strong because they’re fresh out of a relationship and haven’t had time to process their feelings. So, they want distractions. Ugh. Don’t be someone’s distraction, okay? You’re worth so much more. To prevent this from happening, ask them questions about how long they’ve been single and when their last relationship ended. This will give you insight into where they’re at and if they have good intentions by starting something new.

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4. Be A Boundary Babe.

Boundaries are essential to protect you when you start dating someone new. Without them, the other person can rush into your life and cause chaos you don’t need, no matter how strong your connection feels right now. Some boundaries to set early on could be things like only seeing them on weekends (perhaps just for now) because you’re busy during the week, or not engaging in late-night texts because you need rest, and so on. See how they react. If they respect your boundaries, that’s a good sign.

5. Tell Them You Want To Slow Down.

The best way to suss out a person who’s coming on too strong or moving too fast is to tell them what you want, early on. If they reach in for a kiss or invite you to their place on the first date, tell them you’d like to take things slow instead of rushing in. Hey, you don’t know them well enough to trust them. Telling them you want to take things slowly will show you what they’re about. If they don’t like it or they lose their cool, that’s a sign to Get out!

6. Avoid Small Talk For Hours.

When you start chatting to someone, it’s natural to want to chat with them for hours at a time. That’s cool, but make sure the chatting is actually giving you the info you need to learn more about them. Try to make the sessions productive to get to learn more about the person, such as when it comes to their views, morals, and relationship goals. This will also show you that they’re down for serious chats and don’t just want to share cat memes.

7. Go On A Group Date.

Although you’re tempted to indulge in one-on-one dates because the person’s so much fun and you want them all to yourself, if you want to slow them down, an idea is to organize some group dates instead. The bonus? You’ll get to meet some of their mates and they can hang out with your besties, who’ll touch base with you after the date to let you know their thoughts on the person.

8. Take A Bit Longer To Reply.

Don’t be too quick to reply to their texts every single time. This isn’t about playing games, but rather it’s about setting some boundaries we were talking about earlier. Show them that you’re busy with other hobbies, work, and people. Instead of counting the minutes before texting them, actually go out and do cool stuff alone or with other people. Live your life so your new relationship doesn’t take over, and by doing this you’ll show the person that they have to slot into your schedule. They can’t be with you 24-7 — that’s so unhealthy.

9. Keep Your Dates Short.

Another thing you can do to slow down someone who’s coming on too strong is to shorten your dates. I know it sucks ’cause you want to enjoy your time with them, but you’re still in the early dating stages and there’s nothing better than a slow burn. Make them work for your time. They’ll be willing to do it if they think you’re worth it. Yup, it’s that easy.

10. Shut Down Their Future Plans.

You’ve only gone on two dates and already they’re saying you should go on vacation together in two months’ time. What gives? This is kinda freaky and a clear sign that they’re too keen to rush through the relationship. While you want to shut this down, you shouldn’t be mean or anything. Be honest. Tell them that it’s a little too early to think about this (I mean, there are many things to plan before vacationing together) and you’d love to get to know them better before taking such a huge step. If the person’s keen on having you in their life, they’ll be totally cool with it.


Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.