Even if you don’t fall in love on a first date with someone, going on a second date is often a good idea. This can help you to really get to know someone and make a more informed decision about whether you could be happy with them. However, sometimes, a second date is a bad idea. Here are a few signs you should say no to a second date.
1. You felt unsafe.
Giving love a chance is never worth putting your safety in jeopardy. That’s why it’s so important to listen to your gut feeling when you’re dating. If you feel unsafe or uncomfortable at any point during your first date with someone, it’s a sign that you shouldn’t return for a second date. Most first dates involve nerves, but feeling unsafe is a sign that this isn’t the person for you.
2. They gave you the ick.
You don’t have to fall in love on the first date, or even feel super attracted to someone. But at the very least, you should feel neutral about the idea of being involved with this person romantically. If the thought of kissing them makes you gag, or your face scrunches in disgust when you imagine holding their hand, that’s a sign that you probably won’t ever feel attracted to this person.
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4. The date felt like a chore.
Dating can definitely be hard work. First dates in particular are not always fun, even if the person you’re seeing is great, because they are so nerve-inducing. But if the date is not enjoyable at all and actually feels like a shift at work, there’s no reason to go back for a second date. If you’re constantly looking at the clock wondering if it’s okay to leave yet, or yawning every two minutes, it’s safe to assume that there’s not much hope for this relationship.
5. They’re rude to the server.
In general, a person who’s rude to the waiter is a walking red flag. Someone who’s only nice to the people that they’re trying to impress (you) and treats everyone else like dirt is probably not the kind of person you want to get into a relationship with. Other similar signs that you should reject a second date is if the person says or acts in ways that reveal their true not-so-nice colors, such as if they’re racist, sexist, or homophobic.
6. You want different things.
The person that you have a first date with may be amazing in so many ways, but if you want different things or are in different places, then there’s not much point in going back for a second date. For example, if you are looking for a long-term relationship and they’re looking for a fling, seeing them again may be a waste of time. However, in situations like this, you don’t have to write that person off forever. Be open to reconvening again if things change.
7. They have fundamentally different views from you.
When you have a first date with someone who has significantly different values and views from you, a second date is likely to be a waste of time. You don’t have to quiz someone on their beliefs on a first date, but if you get the impression that they generally feel differently about many things than you do, you’re probably not compatible.
8. They rip into their ex.
It’s not a great sign if your date slams their ex the first time they meet you. If they can’t help talking about how much they hate their ex, and she’s crazy, and she ruins everything she touches, it’s safe to say that they’re not actually ready to be dating anyone else. And even if they were, putting all the blame on their ex and vilifying them to someone they barely know shows that this person may have some immaturity or anger issues.
9. They spoke about themselves only and didn’t ask about you.
Being nervous on a first date can often mean that we’re not on top of our game. So it’s important to be forgiving about things like un-funny jokes and awkward silences. However, if a person bombards you with information about them and doesn’t let you speak or doesn’t ask about you at all, they’re probably not the kind of person you’ll want to go on a second date with. Use your best judgment. If you really like them but they don’t ask questions about you, it’s possible that they’re just nervous. But tread with caution, as this is a sign that someone is self-centered and not overly interested in you.
10. You feel a sense of dread when their name pops up on your phone.
In the hours or days following a first date, your instincts will normally guide you towards the right move. So pay attention to your gut. If you feel a sense of dread when that person’s name pops up on your phone, for whatever reason, and you wish they’d just go away, a second date is likely to be a bad idea.
11. The date feels like a square peg and round hole situation.
Sometimes, you can’t quite put your finger on the reason why, but a date just feels wrong. Though it’s worth going for a second date in most situations where you’re unsure, sometimes your higher self just knows that it won’t work. If the first date just feels wrong and leaves a bad taste in your mouth, don’t force yourself to go on a second. It’s okay to say no, even if you don’t know why.
