He Might Say His Exes Are Crazy, But Here’s How You Know He’s The Real Problem

Sooner or later, your new guy’s ex is going to come up. Pay attention. How he talks about her can tell you loads about who he is as a person and whether or not he’s worthy of your time. If he says any of these 11 things about his previous relationships and the women he dated, he’s not a good guy.

  1. They were all “crazy.” Sure, most of us have dated a crazy person, but if he’s acting as though all his exes were out of their minds and total lunatics, you have to take it with a huge pinch of salt. Can they really all have been delusional and psychotic? It’s a little too much, no?
  2. They did everything wrong. Whenever he talks about his ex-girlfriends, he’s quick to paint them in a bad light. He might moan about how they were never there for him or they disappeared on him, etc. What about what he did? Was he a saint in all those relationships?
  3. He paints himself as the perfect guy. If he’s bringing his exes down but lifting himself up by implying that he’s always been a perfect boyfriend, something’s wrong—and it’s wrong with him, not his exes. There’s no way he could’ve always been the most amazing catch and boyfriend unless he’s the delusional one.
  4. He never takes responsibility for his actions. It was all his ex’s fault. She was the cheating, disloyal one in the relationship. He never did a single thing wrong. Cue the violins because this guy’s about to give you a “poor me” song about how everyone always hurts him and he’s the victim. Oh no. Not only is this guy clearly trying to gain your sympathy, he’s manipulating you into believing a twisted version of the past that doesn’t exist.
  5. He never dumped them. Maybe this is true, but why is it a red flag? Well, it can point to various problems. First, he might be the type to settle in unhappy relationships instead of taking charge of his destiny and choosing to get out of them. Second, why did all his exes dump him? Was he that bad of a boyfriend that not one of them wanted to stick around? It does make you think…
  6. They trash-talk him (or so he says). He might say that you shouldn’t believe things you hear from his exes because they’re all liars. Yeah, convenient. The thing is, why would they still be trash-talking him now? Perhaps there’s some truth to it…
  7. He’s cruel. It’s one thing for him to say his exes were all crazy (that’s enough, to be honest!) but quite another if he’s being downright nasty about them, picking out flaws in their personalities or appearances or calling them insulting names. That’s not cool and it only paints him in a negative light. What a loser.
  8. He compares them to you. He says things like “I’m so lucky to have you. You’re so much better than my exes!” or “I wish you’d be more like my ex, you know, before she went weird on me.” Whether it’s positive or negative, he shouldn’t be comparing you to his exes. It’s insulting in both ways! You’re your own person and he has no right to turn your relationship into some sick competition between you and his previous flames.
  9. He never says anything good about them. It’s not just the negative talk about his exes that you should worry about but also what he doesn’t say about them. If he can’t say one positive thing about his exes, it’s a problem. Surely they had some redeemable qualities, otherwise, why would he have been with them for months or years? Ha, how is he going to answer his way out of that one?
  10. He’s angry about the breakupIt’s been months or years since things went south with his ex, but the guy is still furious about how his ex broke his heart. Sure, we all carry around some relationship baggage, but it shouldn’t make the veins pop in our foreheads. If he’s still that angry about the breakup then maybe that passionate response has more to do with him not being over her. Remember, the opposite of love isn’t hate but indifference. On the other hand, he might not want her in his life, but he might not have dealt with his negative feelings. Not exactly something you need to deal with.
  11. He says he never loved her. He was with his ex for six years but he said he never actually loved her. Um, what? Then what was the point of him being with her? Was it because they had a thriving sex life or she was just convenient? Or, maybe he doesn’t want to be single. Whatever the case, if he’s been in long-term relationships but they were loveless, he’s either lying or he’s not boyfriend material.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.