I Didn’t Know I Was The Other Woman But I Still Got Blamed For It

It’s the same old story—girl meets boy, girl falls in love, girl finds out the boy’s already met and married another girl. I had no idea my perfect new boyfriend was married, but turns out I was nothing more than his mistress all along. And the worst part? It’s apparently still my fault!

1. WHY AM I TO BLAME WHEN IT’S HIM WHO DID THE LYING? He didn’t mention his wife to begin with, so I assumed he was single. When it became obvious he wasn’t, he first claimed he was in an open relationship. Whenever I caught him lying, he changed his story to something else. It took me months to realize that no, he wasn’t single, he wasn’t in an open relationship or a “don’t ask, don’t tell” relationship—he was cheating on his wife with me.
2. I THOUGHT I’D FOUND THE PERFECT GUY. SO SUE ME. When we were together, he was so attentive and caring, it felt like I was the only woman in the world. I honestly thought I found the love of my life and had no idea I was just the other woman. Sure, there were signs that in hindsight were massive red flags, but I kept missing them.
3. HIS FRIENDS NEVER SAID ANYTHING. MAYBE THEY ASSUMED I ALREADY KNEW. One of the things that threw me most was the fact that he introduced me to some of his friends and brought me out on group outings. How was I to know that he had friends who were onto his secret? They were welcoming in their own way. Now I know it’s because he’s always got someone on the side. Nobody thought to tell me I was that person. I still don’t know whether or not they thought I knew what I was getting into.
4. I WOULD HAVE NEVER DATED HIM HAD I KNOWN HE WAS ATTACHED. I never met his wife, but I’m not actually the sort of person who’d knowingly get into a relationship as the other woman. I value myself more than that, or so I thought. I also value honestly above all else in a relationship, so being with someone who’s able to happily lie to two (or more?) women is definitely not for me.
5. I BROKE IT OFF AS SOON AS I FOUND OUT, BUT IT WAS TOO LATE. Once I knew the guy had been lying to me, I ditched him. But by that point I’d already been marked as the homewrecker. People just assumed I knew and had gotten into the relationship anyway. They seemed to have a preconceived idea of what the other woman is all about and I fit the bill— young, single, not as well-off as the guy I’d been dating. People instantly assumed malice on my part.
6. HE MADE THE FIRST MOVE, YET SOMEHOW I’M STILL THE SLUT WHO SEDUCED HIM. The young seductress who lures decent men away from their loving girlfriends or wives is an image so ingrained in people’s psyche that it’s impossible to escape it. The truth is, this guy contacted me on a dating site pretending to be single. I had no way of knowing he wasn’t single at the time, but as far as some people are concerned, it’s still my fault for dating him.
7. THIS HAS CHANGED THE WAY PEOPLE LOOK AT ME. Once people found out I’d dated a married man, they started acting differently around me. Some of my girlfriends started avoiding me, obviously thinking I could be after their boyfriends as well. When I explained to people that I’d had no idea this guy was attached, they didn’t believe me. Some outright accused me of having ignored obvious signs on purpose or having known about it and not cared.
8. I NEVER PERSONALLY BROKE ANY AGREEMENT SO WHY AM I BEING BLAMED? As far as I knew, I was a single person dating another single person. It was the married guy who was actively cheating on his wife and lying to me. I wouldn’t have knowingly dated a married guy regardless of whether or not his wife was okay with it because this sort of relationship is not right for me. Going behind someone’s back is, well, just bad karma, but I’m not the one who took the vow and got married. The only guilty party in this business is this guy who cheated and lied. You wouldn’t know it, though, listening to his wife and others.
9. IT’S ALWAYS EASIER TO BLAME THE OTHER WOMAN. In case you’re wondering, this guy’s still with his wife. Putting the blame on me was easier for her and meant she could forgive him and go back to him, thinking it was I who seduced him and that this won’t happen again. These are the lies people tell themselves to make their lives easier in situations like this.
10. I OFTEN WONDER IF THERE WAS ANYTHING I COULD HAVE DONE TO STOP THIS. Could I have been quicker to spot the signs? Should I have specifically asked this guy if he was really single? With so many people putting the blame on me, I often wonder whether I could have spotted the lies sooner and walked away before being branded as the resident slut. I’ve come to realize, though, that if someone is intent on lying to you, there’s very little you can do to stop him. I would just like people to know that just because a woman ends up dating a married man, doesn’t mean she’s supportive of the idea or even aware of the fact that this is happening. Sometimes we’re just as much of a victim as the wife.