Does He Really Like You, Or Does He Just Like That You Let Him Use You?

So you’ve fallen for a seemingly great guy and are falling head over heels faster than you can blink. Meanwhile, he’s all too aware of your rapidly intensifying feelings and he’s using them to his advantage. It’s time to stop letting him use you — because if you’re doing any of these things, that’s definitely what’s happening:

  1. You always agree with him. You’re just trying to be diplomatic but he sees your compliant attitude as grounds to keep using you. Just about anything he says will impress you, so why should he even try anymore? You really like him and don’t want to risk him disliking you, which is why you keep your opinions to yourself — but trust me, this guy is gonna wrap you around his finger if you keep this up (and not in a sexy way).
  2. You send him A LOT of check up texts. He might pop into your head at random, which gives you the genius idea to send him a cute “good morning” text that will show him you’re still and forever interested. You’re coming from a place of sincerely hoping he has a good day, but when he reads it, all he’s thinking is, “Good, I’ve got you right where I want you.” Cool it on texting out of the blue. Make him wonder where YOU are and what YOU’re doing.
  3. You always spend time at HIS house. He never makes the trek to your place because he knows you’ll always say yes to coming over. He’s become pretty comfortable with it and we all know how much guys love to be at home with their own stuff. This is a very subtle way that he’s keeping the upper hand and it needs to stop.
  4. You’re way too available. You’re just so damn excited to see him again that you’re literally available for him 24/7. This is a huge mistake because now he knows he can reach out to you at the last minute and you’ll always say yes. He’s gotten used to life with you at the bottom of his list, so why wouldn’t he take advantage when you’re always ready to see him the second he makes the call?
  5. You see yourself as being lesser-than. You occasionally hint at how you can’t believe you’re with someone like him or that you feel so lucky that he’s choosing to spend time with you. These words are coming out of your mouth because you truly DO think he’s amazing, but it’s making you seem like a doormat in his eyes. Next time you get the urge to compare yourself to him, try seeing yourself as an equal and he’ll start treating you with the respect you deserve.
  6. When you scroll through convos, more than half of the texts are yours. You’re always the one to reach out first. If you haven’t heard from him in a while, you’ll instantly send him a text, to which he may not even reply. Face it, he’s going to get back to you when HE feels like it because he knows you’ll always be the one to keep the contact going. It’s okay to let a day go by without talking to him and if anything, it’ll make him realize what he’s missing.
  7. You answer his booty calls every. single. time. Hey, booty calls can be fun, but when you agree to them every time, you’re making it WAY too easy for him. Booty calls should be occasional and only happen when you both really want it. Try saying no every once in a while and he’ll quickly realize that he has to work for your attention.
  8. You give him compliments when he never compliments you. You think this guy is the top and you let him know that constantly. You see it as completely harmless — you’re just being nice, after all. But when he never compliments you back, you know he’s only with you to boost his own ego.
  9. You do whatever HE wants in bed. Yes, guys are expected to take the lead in bed and there’s honestly nothing wrong with doing what he asks (it can be kinda hot, actually). This can go horribly wrong, however; if he’s ordering you around to please only himself and doesn’t take YOUR pleasure into account AT ALL. If sex with him is more or less a one-way street, he’s using you in the most extreme meaning of the word.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.