I Don’t Believe In Good Men Anymore And I Don’t Know What To Do

I used to think that there were a lot of good men in the world. Then I got older and my experiences turned me into someone completely jaded who has no faith in guys whatsoever. It’s not just me, either — a lot of my friends have gotten screwed over too, and we’re all kinda over it. Yes, I know, “not all men” and all of that, but I’m truly questioning whether there are any decent dudes out there anymore at all.

  1. I don’t trust them. I’d love to be able to open myself up and be vulnerable with a man, but I’m incapable of trusting men anymore, no matter how hard I try. I feel like as soon as I let down my guard, I end up getting hurt. It happens every single time without fail, so I don’t want to do it anymore. I know that I’ll never have a happy, healthy, fulfilling relationship without trust, but life has made me suspicious and anxious, especially after guys have promised they would never hurt me and then turned around and done exactly that at the first available opportunity. I don’t want to get burned yet again.
  2. I don’t think they’re capable of emotional maturity. Even the best guys I know don’t seem very emotionally mature. They certainly aren’t very mentally mature. Are there any men out there who aren’t just little boys at heart? It kinda weirds me out. I don’t feel like women are this way at all, so I don’t get where it comes from. I just want a man who’s on my level and that’s been impossible to find.
  3. I think they’ll do whatever they can get away with. I know it sounds cynical, but that’s the way I feel. I think that if he knew he wouldn’t get caught, any man would cheat. I don’t think there’s a guy out there who wouldn’t give in to temptation. It makes me sad to even admit that I feel that way but it’s true. I’ve seen it happen time and time again and have yet to have a guy prove otherwise.
  4. I’ve seen too much shady behavior to trust anyone. How can I believe men when I’ve seen so many of them lie firsthand? There are a lot of posers out there. They act like their girlfriends are their world and all the while they’re messing around behind their backs. The girls have no idea — I feel sorry for them and I’m terrified of becoming them. I’ve seen way too much BS to believe men are honest, standup guys.
  5. I get burned every time I give them the benefit of the doubt. It’s like they know and they have some perverse desire to ruin everything. I don’t get it. I hold out and I stay guarded and then I finally let them in… and they toss my feelings aside like garbage.
  6. I find out that every guy who seems great… isn’t. Everyone has flaws, but I think that everyone should also at least try their hardest to be good people. I do. I can’t even count how many men I’ve met who seem decent at first and turn out to be horrible. I’ve seen my friends go through nightmares with supposed “good guys.” I simply don’t believe in it anymore.
  7. I don’t think I’m asking for all that much. I just want an honest man who doesn’t cheat on me and doesn’t lie to me. It seems like that should be a bare minimum requirement and yet I can’t find it. Even if they seem genuine, they end up hiding things from me or lying to avoid conflict. That’s no way to have a relationship. It’s depressing.
  8. I expect the worst of every man at this point. I don’t like feeling this way. I want to believe that I will find a great man who wants to be with me and whom I can trust. I know they’re out there, that decent guys exist. I just see so much evidence to the contrary and experience so much crap that it’s hard to keep any faith. I wish I could say otherwise, but I witness men behaving like jerks on a daily basis.
  9. I’m eternally getting disappointed by guys. I must be terrible at picking men because they never live up to my expectations. I don’t even expect that much! I just want a decent human being who treats me with respect and consideration, but I end up with selfish men who talk a good game and don’t follow up. I don’t understand why this keeps happening unless all guys just suck.
  10. I’ve literally given up on dating because I don’t trust anyone. I don’t see what the point of dating is if I know I can’t go past a certain point of commitment with anyone. It would take a damn lot of effort at this point from any guy who wants to be with me because I have such a difficult time trusting. It’s the discouraging truth. I’m aware that’s my issue, but it’s an issue that’s been caused by their behavior.
  11. I think even if I find a great man, I won’t believe it’s possible. I’m so freaking jaded at this point, I’m not sure I’ll trust myself to recognize whether a man is good. I worry that I’ll let my feelings cloud my judgment and end up hurt yet again. I’m so tired of the games, the dishonesty, and the drama. I want something simple and good and joyful, and I’m scared of never getting it. I just have to hope in my heart of hearts that there’s a guy out there who will prove me wrong.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.