Don’t Be The Crazy Girl — 6 Things To Remember When Texting

Texting is a minefield. If you don’t watch your step, you can blow yourself up and end up looking like the crazy girl, which is definitely not ideal. However, it’s 2023, which means you’ve been doing this long enough to have your sh*t together. Before you start typing away, remember these things — they might just save your budding relationship.

  1. The longer your texts, the crazier/needier/more high-maintenance you seem. Men are succinct creatures — that’s why they send those annoying one-line texts — so do yourself a favor: when you’re first getting to know a guy, keep it brief if you don’t want to look like the crazy girl. Rambling on and on like we do with our girlfriends doesn’t draw a guy in, it overwhelms his male brain and repels him. So, edit, edit, edit before you send, ladies.
  2. Keep the text ratio even. For every text a guy sends, you should send one text. If he blows you off, don’t write him again hoping he’ll respond. Sending another text just digs you into a deeper hole or, at best, gets you a pity text. Getting a text after you baited him into it isn’t satisfying — what’s satisfying is a guy coming after you hard, unprompted. So if a guy exits a text convo, don’t let it get to you. Get a hold of yourself, go out with your girlfriends, read this, this, and this for support, and wait to see what happens next. Double, triple, and quadruple texting will just end up making you look like the crazy girl, and that’s the last thing you want.
  3. Text-bombing will always leave you feeling pathetic. Sometimes, when a guy goes MIA on text, no matter how hard we try, we just lose our minds. We’ll give in to the crazy girl that lives in us all and be the first to break the silence. Then, as the minutes turn into hours and he still hasn’t replied, we’ll start pelting his phone with text after text, some of which are fake-cool and others that are totally irate. Finally, he’ll reply with something like, “Hey, forgot my phone at home and am just getting these…” You feel like an idiot. Who knows if he forgot his phone or was just being a jerk, but either way, you’re mortified. Moral of the story: Never ever text-bomb — you just can’t recover from it.
  4. Nothing good comes from text-fighting, ever. Text is not a medium for providing feedback to, or having serious conversations with, dudes. If you have something to say, say it when you’re together. If you don’t feel comfortable saying it to his face, you shouldn’t be saying it all. If you do end up texting him, we can pretty much guarantee it won’t go well and you’ll end up looking like the crazy girl who’s addicted to drama. Save yourself the grief and just… step… away… from… the… phone.
  5. Nice girls finish last. On screen and off screen, don’t be the over-pleaser who jumps to respond to his every text with a smiley face at the end of each sentence. That’ll get you nowhere. Like we always say, guys need a little space because they want to chase you and you should work to create that distance. Don’t assume that he wants you to shower him with attention and adoration — that’s what you want because you’re wired to enjoy being chased. Guys are wired differently — they enjoy chasing, not being chased. The next time he writes you, take your time to respond. It doesn’t make you a bitch or a game player — you’re just giving him what he needs. This is also the opposite of crazy girl behavior, so that’s a win.
  6. Mundane texts are useless. Sending him a text about how you just got a mani/pedi with a picture of your freshly painted toes is a cute way to check in but unless he has a foot fetish, he probably doesn’t care. Texting is like any other interaction with a guy — you want to keep things interesting. Sure, it’s not the worst thing to send little texts about what you’re doing and where you’re going, but it doesn’t add a whole lot to the chemistry either. If anything, it just makes it obvious he’s on your mind when you should be creating tension and mystery. Again, men need to chase and he can’t chase you if you’re always right there, either in person or on his phone screen. Instead of being the crazy girl, be the short and sweet girl.

How to keep texting from turning you into a crazy girl

crazy girl

provided by iStock

  1. Remember that texting is supposed to be fun. If texting is turning you into the crazy girl who stresses, obsesses, and agonizes over every last text she sends, you’re doing it wrong. It’s a message, not a marriage proposal, so chill. “You have time to think about what you want to say and there isn’t the added pressure of looking someone in the eyes,” licensed marriage and family therapist Morgan Goulet, LMFT, points out.
  2. Use emojis strategically. It’s fine to throw in an eggplant or the crying laughing face here and there, but try not to hold the majority of your conversations in emoji form. It’ll not only make you look a little dim and like you can’t hold a conversation, but you’ll also come off as the crazy girl who thinks she’s being super zany and fun by communicating strictly with emojis.
  3. Think about what you’re trying to say before texting. Before you start aimlessly typing and sending message after message, consider what it is you’re actually getting in touch for. This will go a long way in screening some of the more pointless/ridiculous/inappropriate texts you might be tempted to send. Get clear about your own motives for starting the conversation,” couples’ therapist Alicia Muñoz, LPC, suggests. “Are you motivated by pure curiosity? A desire to get to know someone better? A desire to build a stronger friendship? Do you have a specific goal in mind […] like a job interview?” The sooner you figure this out, the more likely you’ll be to avoid acting like the crazy girl.
  4. Put your damn phone down. A lot of the risk of coming off as the crazy girl can be mitigated by you actually putting your phone down. You don’t have to be attached to your device 24/7 and you actually shouldn’t. Break the fixation by stepping away from your phone and out into the real world. Read a book, go for a coffee, meet up with friends — anything to interact with the world around you a bit more. That can offer so much more perspective and put you back in a good place so you can interact from a saner place.
Halle Kaye is the author of the insightful, inspirational and hilarious dating guide for women, "Maybe He's Just an Asshole: Ditch Denial, Embrace Your Worth, and Find True Love!"
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