Don’t Tell Me I’m Wife Or Girlfriend Material Because I’m So Much More

In theory, telling me I’m wife or girlfriend material would be a compliment because it means a guy can see himself getting serious about me. But sometimes, it feels like a compliment that reduces all my great qualities to whether or not they fit into some guy’s idea of a good girlfriend. In the grand scheme of things, my relationship status is only one small part of me, so striving to be “wife material” is just a waste of time.

My life doesn’t revolve around my relationship status. I’m glad my personality and everything I have going for me make me a desirable person to date, but at the same time, hearing that I’m “girlfriend material” makes me feel like my accomplishments only matter because guys find them attractive. I’d much rather a guy congratulate me on my individual achievements rather than lumping them together under the banner of my overall desirability as a prospective girlfriend or wife.

I’m trying to become a better person overall, not a better romantic catch. I’m not the person I am, flaws and all, for the sole purpose of attracting a guy. My accomplishments, friendships, interests and plans for the future are all for me. Being a strong, smart, independent woman may be something that attracts a guy and it’s definitely an ego stroke to be complimented for my positive traits, but I’d still be living the same amazing life even if I was single forever.

It sometimes makes me feel like I’m not worth anything unless a guy wants to date me. We all know how some guys treat girls they don’t consider “girlfriend material.” We’ve all been ghosted, dumped after sleeping with a guy and generally treated like we’re “good enough for now.” It’s never a good feeling to realize I’ve been used because, in the long run, I only want to take a guy who likes me for who I am, not just for what I can do for him.

It’s a cliche, unimaginative compliment. Granted, a lot of guys aren’t exactly known for being expressive about their feelings, but if he’s really into me, he should be able to come up with a few reasons. Saying I’m “girlfriend material” just seems like a cop-out, no matter how well-intentioned. Why not point out how attractive particular attributes are, like the fact that I’ve got a college degree or my amazing work ethic?

It doesn’t really seem like something I can control. Since what actually qualifies as “girlfriend material” is totally dependent on what a guy is looking for, it’s not like I can strive to be someone a guy wants to date. I can only be the best version of myself, and if that still isn’t good enough for the guy I’m interested in, well, he’s just not right for me anyway.

A relationship takes more than a bunch of compatible personality traits. I might be perfect for a guy on paper, but it reality, we just don’t connect like we should. I might technically be “girlfriend material,” but unless everything else — like timing, chemistry and just the two of us wanting the same things — lines up, I’ll still never be his girlfriend.

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