It’s obvious you’re interested, but is he? All you want to know is if he wants to be your boyfriend. I hate to give you the bad news, but sometimes a guy just isn’t into you. He might want to be friends, but that’s it. I know you think you can change his mind, but while you’re busy doing that, you could be missing out on his hot friend who actually does want to date you. If you experience these signs, consider him a lost cause and move on. You deserve better.
It’s always group time. Have you tried to get him alone? It’s amazing that no matter hard you try, there are always other people around. Since he’s not interested in you as a girlfriend, he just brings all his friends along. If he doesn’t want to hang out alone, he’s definitely not interested.
He only wants to hook up. Maybe he actually does want to spend time alone with you, but only at 3 AM in the middle of the week. In case it’s not obvious already, he only sees you as a hookup. He has no intention of committing. Enjoy the sex until you find a better guy.
He refers to you as his little sister. It’s not unusual for male friends to think of their female friends as sisters. Unless he’s a pervert, he’s never going to want to date someone he considers his sister. This is a sure sign you’ve been friend-zoned permanently. It might change in rare cases, but I wouldn’t count on it.
He tells you point-blank. There’s no clearer sign that he’s never going to be your boyfriend than when he says it. If you keep pressing the issue, he’s going to just start avoiding you completely. Respect his wishes and don’t get obsessive.
He tries to hook you up with his friends. Just because he doesn’t want to be with you, it doesn’t mean he’s blind. Any great guy friend does what he can to find a good woman for his friends. Believe me, if a guy’s interested in you, he’s not going to play matchmaker. Try dating his friends. What do you really have to lose?
He doesn’t care if you ignore him. One popular way to get a guy to kill to be your boyfriend is to ignore him and make sure you’re always busy. If he doesn’t care if you’re ignoring him, then he’s not interested. He may not even think of you as a friend. Try it and if it doesn’t work, accept that he’s not boyfriend material.
He’s not jealous when you flirt with other guys. A guy might seem oblivious until you flirt with other guys in front of him. If he’s the least bit interested, he’ll get jealous. Trust me, you’ll notice. If it’s not meant to be, he won’t care. He might even encourage you or play wingman.
Contact is sporadic at best. When it comes to their friends, guys don’t have any set rules about contact. With a girlfriend or even a potential girlfriend, they know to respond to calls and texts quickly and try not to go more than a few days without talking. If he has no interest in being your boyfriend, you might always be the one texting him or he might call you one week and wait a month before calling again.
He pulls away from physical contact. Guys aren’t exactly the touchy-feely type unless they’re into a girl. Then, they turn into an octopus and latch on to you for dear life. See how he reacts when you hug him or casually touch him. Anything remotely intimate or lasting more than a second and you’ll notice him pulling away. Why? He doesn’t want other women around thinking he’s taken.
He treats you like one of the guys. Guys always treat their guy friends one way and their girlfriend another. Once he starts treating you as one of the guys, you’re officially a friend and that’s it. If he was interested, he’d try to impress you, but you definitely won’t be impressed otherwise.
He’s eager to introduce you to his girlfriend. No, he’s not just trying to make you jealous. He sees you as a friend and as such wants to show off his girlfriend to you and get your opinion. At best, you’re suddenly going to become his best friend because he needs advice on how to impress his new girl.
You make a move and he doesn’t respond. You don’t have to sit around patiently waiting for him to make the first move. Put on your big girl panties and make a move on him. If he’s not into you, he’ll either not respond to your advances, tell you he’s interested or pull away. It’s a quick and easy way to see what he thinks about you.
His future doesn’t include you. Try to get him to talk about his future plans. Yeah, I know it won’t be the easiest thing to do. If he talks about everything but you, he’s not interested. Any guy who wants to be your boyfriend will take this opportunity to score brownie points by mentioning you as part of his future.
He doesn’t care about his actions around you. Is he nothing but a major gas leak? Does he love serenading you with classical armpit music? Basically, does he act like a frat boy in the middle of a party? Unless he’s drunk, he’s going to be on his best behavior around you if he’s interested. If he’s not, you’re going to see the side of him only his guy friends see.
He never tries to improve himself. Most decent guys try to impress a woman they’re interested in by working to improve themselves, especially if they’ve been friends with the woman for a while. Has he made any move to get a full-time job and move out of his parents’ basement? Does he think acting like an adult is turning a dirty shirt inside out for a nice date? Until he’s interested in growing up, he’s not interested in being your boyfriend.
There’s nothing worse than hanging onto a guy, investing your precious time and energy in him only to find out down the line that he never had any intention of making things official with you. You should be with someone who meets you halfway and who puts as much effort into creating a real bond with you as you do with him. Anything less just isn’t worth your time.
What to do when you realize there’s no potential
Of course, understanding that a guy will never be your boyfriend doesn’t make walking away from him any easier, especially if you really like him. If the time you spend together is actually kinda fun and you’re struggling to deal with the fact that he’s not a total jerk, here are some tips on how to cope.
Put a bit of distance between you. It’s a lot harder to obsess over someone when you don’t see them or talk to them very often. If you used to reach out on a daily basis, stop. If it was a foregone conclusion that you’d spend your weekends together, well, it’s not anymore. Unfollow him on social media and take a massive leap back from his life. If you know he’s never going to be your boyfriend and you don’t think he’d make a very good friend either, this is the best first step.
Write it out. You don’t have to deny your feelings, you need to process them. Yes, you can talk to your friends about it, but at a certain point, they will get tired of hearing it. Not only that but there are likely things you’re thinking or feeling that you wouldn’t necessarily feel comfortable saying to them. That’s why journaling is a great idea. There’s literally no limit to what or how much you can say about this guy. Getting it out will be like a giant weight lifted off your shoulders.
Fill your days with healthy distractions. You’re obviously going to spend all your time pining after this guy if you have nothing else going on. You have an amazing friend group, a supportive family, lots of hobbies, and a career that’s on an upward trajectory. In other words, you have plenty of things to fill your time with that have nothing to do with this dude. Go for a run, plan a girls’ night, have a spa night, or anything else that keeps your mind off him and on you.
Change the way you think about him. Research has proven that in order to get over someone, you need to shift the way you think of them. This will take a good amount of time since you can’t just turn your feelings on and off at will. (Wouldn’t it be nice if you could, though?) According to Sandra Langeslag, director of the Neurocognition of Emotion and Motivation Lab at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, “To make a lasting change, you’ll probably have to regulate your love feelings regularly.” This is because while you might be able to realize that he’s not right for you today, that might change tomorrow and you might end up crying over him again. Langeslag suggests maybe making a list of his negative qualities every day for a while to help the process along.
Meet new people. There’s a big wide world out there full of amazing people. That’s not to say that you need to be dating right away, but just getting out of the house and chatting with new people with interesting perspectives can go a long way in helping you get out of your head and over the guy who will never be your boyfriend. Plus, you never know – you might just meet someone who’s way better for you in the process.
While you know the signs that he definitely doesn’t want to be your boyfriend, here are some more positive indicators that he does.
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