Don’t kiss his ass. Guys are wired to want what they can’t have, at least in the beginning. So don’t serve yourself up on a silver platter by texting him all the time and showering him with adoration. That’s what you want from a guy but it’s not what a guy wants from you — guys need to feel like you’re a little out of reach in order to fully appreciate you. They’re dismissive of things (e.g. women) who come too easily. So, don’t be the one who does the chasing — let him chase you and earn you. You may not like it but it’s the TRUTH — it’s just evolutionary biology. All that aside, you should make him fight for you because YOU believe you’re worth it. Aren’t you? If you act like you’re a prize, he’s more likely to treat you like one.
Remember that he’s irrelevant until he makes himself relevant. Until a guy earns your attention, you should continue keeping your options open and focusing on your life, not on him. No obsessing — for all you know, this guy could turn out to be a loser, a loser or just a bad fit. Instead of picking baby names, go about your business until he behaves in a way that makes you want to stop your business and pay attention. Stick to this principle and not only will you be disappointed a lot less often, you’ll find the guy you’re looking for much more quickly.
Train him to give you what you need. If a guy texts you after days of silence, don’t jump to reply. Instead, ignore him and his half-assedness. If he texts you again, give him another shot and see how it goes. If you stick to this principle and reward him for good behavior and punish him for bad behavior, he’ll see you as more desirable. Why? Because it’s a sign of weakness and desperation to settle for garbage, and a sign of confidence and hotness to expect to be treated like a priority. So don’t settle for scraps and crumbs. Demand the best and get the best, just like Oprah always said.
Learn to thrive in uncertainty. One of the reasons dating is so hard is that you never know what’s going to happen. You basically have to put yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable without any assurance that you’ll get what you want. But that’s love — you have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable and letting things unfold naturally. So if you’re in the early stages of seeing someone and things seem to be moving forward, let them be… Don’t put undue pressure on the relationship by asking where it’s going. Uncertainty actually generates romantic tension, which is a great thing, not to mention that the guy just might not be ready for the talk (which is okay, btw, because guys often move slower than we do). Bottom line: Either things are progressing nicely — listen to your gut on this — in which case you don’t need to ask, or something is making you uncomfortable, in which case you should go back and read #1 and 2, and 3.
Text like you’re busy. Men are succinct creatures so when you text him frequently or send rambly texts, there’s a good chance you’re making him less interested. So do yourself a favor: when you’re first getting to know a guy, keep it brief — edit, edit, edit. Imagine how you would text if you were super busy — you’d keep it quick, right? — and ask yourself if the text you’re about to send looks like that, or looks like you have way too much time on your hands, all of which you’ve been spending obsessing over him. If it’s the former, great. If it’s the latter, delete and start again.
Love yourself. There’s nothing hotter than a confident, independent woman with a life, self-respect, and options. So don’t be the insecure, needy girl whose entire life revolves around whatever guy she’s into, dropping everything for him the second he wants to hang out. That’s not cute. No matter what you look like or what your shortcomings are, focus on your strengths and be kind to yourself. If you’re not being good to yourself, no one else will either.
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