You’re the furthest thing from desperate when it comes to love, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be nice to have someone to share your life with. If you want the best chance of finding someone on your level, here’s how to make him kill to be your boyfriend. Trust me, it’s easier than you think.
- Don’t kiss his ass. Guys are wired to want what they can’t have, at least in the beginning. So don’t serve yourself up on a silver platter by texting him all the time and showering him with adoration. That’s what you want from a guy but it’s not what a guy wants from you — guys need to feel like you’re a little out of reach in order to fully appreciate you. They’re dismissive of things (e.g. women) who come too easily. So, don’t be the one who does the chasing — let him chase you and earn you. You may not like it but it’s the TRUTH — it’s just evolutionary biology. All that aside, you should make him fight for you because YOU know your worth. Aren’t you? If you act like you’re a prize, he’s more likely to treat you like one.
- Remember that he’s irrelevant until he makes himself relevant. Until a guy earns your attention, you should continue keeping your options open and focusing on your life, not on him. No obsessing — for all you know, this guy could turn out to be a loser or just a bad fit. Instead of picking baby names, go about your business until he behaves in a way that makes you want to stop your business and pay attention. Stick to this principle and not only will you be disappointed a lot less often, but you’ll also find the guy you’re looking for much more quickly.
- Train him to give you what you need. If a guy texts you after days of silence, don’t jump to reply. Instead, ignore him and his half-assedness. If he texts you again, give him another shot and see how it goes. If you stick to this principle and reward him for good behavior and punish him for bad behavior, he’ll see you as more desirable. Why? Because it’s a sign of weakness and desperation to settle for garbage, and a sign of confidence and hotness to expect to be treated like a priority. So don’t settle for scraps and crumbs. Demand the best and get the best, just like Oprah always said.
- Learn to thrive in uncertainty. One of the reasons dating is so hard is that you never know what’s going to happen. You basically have to put yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable without any assurance that you’ll get what you want. But that’s love — you have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable and letting things unfold naturally. So if you’re in the early stages of seeing someone and things seem to be moving forward, let them be… Don’t put undue pressure on the relationship by asking where it’s going. Uncertainty actually generates romantic tension, which is a great thing, not to mention that the guy just might not be ready for the talk (which is okay, btw, because guys often move slower than we do). Bottom line: Either things are progressing nicely — listen to your gut on this — in which case you don’t need to ask, or something is making you uncomfortable, in which case you should go back and read #1 and 2, and 3.
- Text like you’re busy. Men are succinct creatures so when you text him frequently or send rambly texts, there’s a good chance you’re making him less interested. So do yourself a favor: when you’re first getting to know a guy, keep it brief — edit, edit, edit. Imagine how you would text if you were super busy — you’d keep it quick, right? — and ask yourself if the text you’re about to send looks like that, or looks like you have way too much time on your hands, all of which you’ve been spending obsessing over him. If it’s the former, great. If it’s the latter, delete and start again.
- Don’t be available all the time. You have plenty of things going on in your life and your free time is limited and valuable. That means you want to spend it on something that’s worth your while. Early on, you can’t be certain that he is, so don’t change your schedule around to suit him or cancel plans just to be at his beck and call. If he wants to hang out and you’re just chilling on the couch and feeling kinda bored, sure, go for it. However, if he asks you to hang out on Saturday night via text on Saturday afternoon, he needs to learn the importance of making plans in advance. Tell him no and keep living your life — he’ll be willing to kill to be your boyfriend after a few rounds of this.
- Call him on his BS. When you find a guy you really like or who you think has boyfriend potential, it’s so tempting to ignore or even rationalize any red flags you might notice. The problem is that the small issues you notice early on will only become bigger and potentially massive the longer you’re involved with him, and he’ll get the message that you’ll let him get away with bloody murder. If you notice major issues from the outset, things that seem to you like possible deal breakers, call him out on them. If he’s worth it, he’ll actually respect you for pulling him on his bad behavior and it will motivate him to change his ways. If not, well, bye!
- Love yourself. There’s nothing hotter than a confident, independent woman with a life, self-respect, and options. So don’t be the insecure, needy girl whose entire life revolves around whatever guy she’s into, dropping everything for him the second he wants to hang out. That’s not cute. No matter what you look like or what your shortcomings are, focus on your strengths and be kind to yourself. If you’re not being good to yourself, no one else will either.
He won’t kill to be your boyfriend if you do these things
While living by the above principles is bound to bring you dating success, doing these things is likely to ensure you stay single for a very long time.
- You’re way too available. There’s such a fine line in dating between being available and being too available. Obviously, you don’t want to turn him down every time he asks you to hang out or go AWOL on him for weeks on end. However, you also don’t want to text him back before the message alert has even stopped sounding on your phone and expect him to spend every weekend with you. There’s no bigger turn-off than a woman who meets a guy she likes and suddenly acts as though she has no life. Take it down a few (thousand) notches.
- You show your hand too soon. You’ve gone on a few dates and you’re really excited about this guy. Everything is going so well and you haven’t felt like this about someone in a long time. That’s great, but does he really need to know that? Guys love the chase. They want to feel like they’re the pursuers rather than the ones being pursued. By immediately declaring your undying adoration early on, you’re basically ending the game for him altogether. Don’t be surprised if he suddenly loses interest.
- You’re always having drama. While there’s nothing wrong with showing emotion or having a reaction to a serious situation, if you make a mountain out of every single molehill, you’re going to kill any potential for him to be your boyfriend. Guys don’t want to be nagged all the time or to feel under pressure or scrutiny, especially by someone they’re not even in an official relationship with. It’s all about choosing your battles. Not everything has to be a drama.
- You put him on a pedestal. One of the biggest mistakes you can make in dating is building a guy up to be a god among men and treating him accordingly. Again, this totally destroys any sense of mystery and intrigue on his behalf and he might even get really freaked out that you have such intense feelings when you don’t even really know him. He’s human and he’s imperfect. Accept that and treat him accordingly.
- You try to force things. Chemistry is either there or it’s not. You can’t manufacture it and you can’t fake it. Dating is all about feeling out any potential chemistry and exploring it a bit. If you try to push past that and start forcing things prematurely, you’re going to ruin anything that’s between you irreparably. Guys are very “go with the flow” and you should be too. That’s the only way to assure that whatever happens between you is genuine.