It can happen to the best of us, becoming obsessed with a person who’s clearly not good for you or to you. But sometimes, we meet someone who has something inexplicable about them that makes it hard for you to let go, no matter how hard you try or how badly they diss you time and time again. But today’s the day you stop becoming someone else’s last choice. Here’s 10 ways you can ditch your unhealthy obsession.
See him for who he really is.
When we hold someone high up on a pedestal, we see them as some really hot, super deity and ignore his human side. You see his zits as ‘beauty marks’ and his burps are classical music to your ears. But if you take him off the pedestal for a minute, you’ll start to notice little annoying things you’ve never noticed before, like how shallow he is or how he says ‘lie-berry’ instead of ‘library.’ Slowly but surely, you’ll see him as a normal human being and he’ll become infinitely less fascinating.
Enlist your friends to help.
Whoever your obsessing about, nine times out ten, your friends probably can’t stand him. Partly because you keep pissing and moaning about it, but mostly because they’ve known from the very beginning that this person was/is taking advantage of you. So if you’re having a hard time seeing him for what he is or you find yourself wanting to reach out to him, reach out to your friends instead. They’ll snap you out of your fog and remind you about why he’s awful for you.
Don’t let him validate who you are.
When you’re obsessed with someone, you tend to hold his opinion in much higher regard than everyone else’s. What he thinks of you at any given moment can crush your soul or make you fly higher than a giraffe’s butt. It’s a tired and old emotional roller coaster that’s not healthy to be on. It’s time for you to get off, go to the mirror and remind yourself that you’re an awesome person who talks to themselves in the mirror and if he can’t see that, then you need to give him walking papers.
This was easier to do back in the day when ‘disconnect’ meant you just wouldn’t call him anymore from your house phone that was mounted in the kitchen. But now, with your crush being one tap on your magic phone away, it’s much more important now than ever to disconnect yourself from him by unfriending/unfollowing him on every social media site you’re signed up for. Trust us, you’ll still get through the day just fine not seeing the Willow-filtered Instagram picture he took of his breakfast this morning. Not to mention all the time you’ll save since you won’t be sitting there looking at his picture, waiting for someone else to ‘like’ it first before you like it because you don’t want to seem too eager. See how sad and pathetic that sounds? Disconnect NOW.
Remember the bad times, too.
Don’t just remember the times he made you feel great, remember the times he made you feel awful, because we’re betting you have a lot more of those stored in your memory banks. Remember the times he bailed on you at the last minute or how he said he’d come to your birthday party and never showed up. When you remember how flippant he’s been with your feelings and your time, you’ll be less likely to waste your day stalking his Facebook page.
Find someone who makes you feel good about yourself.
It doesn’t have to be anyone you’re romantically interested in, it can be your friends or your family. Surround yourself with people who enjoy having you around, who cherish your company and your time. The more you do this, the more you’ll be reminded of how you’re supposed to be treated. When you feel good, you won’t go rushing back to the person who makes you feel bad.
Don’t make yourself available.
Don’t be easy to make plans with, especially if he wants to do something last minute, or he wants you to go out of your way to meet him. Don’t cancel plans with other friends or stop what you’re doing to accommodate his whims. It’s disrespectful and insulting to you that he expects to be your number one priority every time he gets a hankering for your attention.
Use your obsession against yourself and make a deal that whenever you think about him during the day, you have to do 25 push-ups or something as equally as awful. Soon, a Pavlov’s dog type thing starts to happen where you start associating your obsession with the pain of a tedious workout and it’ll be a lot easier to stop your obsessive thoughts in their tracks.
Find a distraction.
Being obsessed with someone is time-consuming, so stop giving it any time! Find a fun hobby to be passionate about, join an exercise class, plan a vacation with friends, start a dog walking service, ANYTHING that’ll keep you from obsessing. When you occupy your time with healthy activities, you won’t have time to obsess, you’ll be much more productive and feel a whole lot better about yourself.
Find out what’s behind your obsession and fix it.
You can probably make a list of why you’re obsessed with him, but dig a little deeper and figure out why you’ve allowed him to treat you like a second class citizen. People tend to have obsessive behavior when they’re trying to fill a certain sense of emptiness or loneliness they feel deep down inside, that they think this “special person” can rescue them from. (Spoiler Alert: They can’t.) Get psychological help if you feel like you can’t do it on your own. Once you figure out what it is and realize that putting your happiness on to one person isn’t the solution and nothing positive will ever come out of it, you’ll have a better chance of getting over your obsession and be free of unnecessary heartache and torment. It takes time, but it’s worth it!
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