Becoming obsessed with a person who’s clearly not good for you or to you is hardly an ideal situation, but it happens to the best of us. Sometimes we meet someone who has something inexplicable about them that makes it hard for you to let go no matter how hard you try or how badly they diss you time and time again. But today’s the day you stop becoming someone else’s last choice. Here are some ways you can ditch your unhealthy obsession and get over him for good.
See him for who he really is. When we hold someone high up on a pedestal, we see them as some really hot super deity and ignore his human side. You see his zits as beauty marks and his burps are classical music to your ears. But if you take him off the pedestal for a minute, you’ll start to notice little annoying things you’ve never noticed before, like how shallow he is or how he says ‘lie-berry’ instead of ‘library.’ Slowly but surely, you’ll see him as a normal human being and he’ll become infinitely less fascinating.
Enlist your friends to help. Whoever you’re obsessing about, nine times out ten, your friends probably can’t stand him. Partly because you keep pissing and moaning about it, but mostly because they’ve known from the very beginning that this person was/is taking advantage of you. So if you’re having a hard time seeing him for what he is or you find yourself wanting to reach out to him, reach out to your friends instead. They’ll snap you out of your fog and remind you about why he’s terrible for you.
Don’t let him validate who you are. When you’re obsessed with someone, you tend to hold his opinion in much higher regard than everyone else’s. What he thinks of you at any given moment can crush your soul or make you fly higher than a giraffe’s butt. It’s a tired and old emotional roller coaster that’s not healthy to be on. It’s time for you to get off, go to the mirror and remind yourself that you’re an awesome person who talks to yourself in the mirror and if he can’t see that, then you need to give him walking papers.
Disconnect yourself. This was easier to do back in the day when ‘disconnect’ meant you just wouldn’t call him anymore from your house phone that was mounted in the kitchen. But now, with your crush being one tap on your magic phone away, it’s much more important now than ever to disconnect yourself from him by unfriending/unfollowing him on every social media site you’re signed up for. Trust us, you’ll still get through the day just fine not seeing the Willow-filtered Instagram picture he took of his breakfast this morning. Not to mention all the time you’ll save since you won’t be sitting there looking at his picture, waiting for someone else to ‘like’ it first before you like it because you don’t want to seem too eager. See how sad and pathetic that sounds? Disconnect NOW.
Remember the bad times too. Don’t just remember the times he made you feel great, remember the times he made you feel awful because we’re betting you have a lot more of those stored in your memory banks. Remember the times he bailed on you at the last minute or how he said he’d come to your birthday party and never showed up. When you remember how flippant he’s been with your feelings and your time, you’ll be less likely to waste your day stalking his Facebook page and you’ll find it easier to get over him for good.
Find someone who makes you feel good about yourself. It doesn’t have to be anyone you’re romantically interested in, it can be your friends or your family. Surround yourself with people who enjoy having you around, who cherish your company and your time. The more you do this, the more you’ll be reminded of how you’re supposed to be treated. When you feel good, you won’t go rushing back to the person who makes you feel bad.
Don’t make yourself available. Don’t be easy to make plans with, especially if he wants to do something last minute, or he wants you to go out of your way to meet him. Don’t cancel plans with other friends or stop what you’re doing to accommodate his whims. It’s disrespectful and insulting to you that he expects to be your number one priority every time he gets a hankering for your attention.
Trick yourself. If you want to get over him for good, you’ll need to use some magic.Use your obsession against yourself and make a deal that whenever you think about him during the day, you have to do 25 push-ups or something as equally as awful. Soon, a Pavlov’s dog-type thing starts to happen where you start associating your obsession with the pain of a tedious workout and it’ll be a lot easier to stop your obsessive thoughts in their tracks.
Find a distraction. Being obsessed with someone is time-consuming, so stop giving it any time! Find a fun hobby to be passionate about, join an exercise class, plan a vacation with friends, start a dog walking service, anything that’ll keep you from obsessing. When you occupy your time with healthy activities, you won’t have time to obsess, you’ll be much more productive and feel a whole lot better about yourself.
Find out what’s behind your obsession and fix it. You can probably make a list of why you’re obsessed with him, but dig a little deeper and figure out why you’ve allowed him to treat you like a second-class citizen. People tend to have obsessive behavior when they’re trying to fill a certain sense of emptiness or loneliness they feel deep down inside, that they think this “special person” can rescue them from. (Spoiler Alert: They can’t.) Get psychological help if you feel like you can’t do it on your own. Once you figure out what it is and realize that putting your happiness on to one person isn’t the solution and nothing positive will ever come out of it, you’ll have a better chance of getting over your obsession and be free of unnecessary heartache and torment. It takes time, but it’s worth it!
Recognize your self-worth and hold tight to it. That’s the crux of the issue here. It’s so important to focus on self-love and self-respect. Once you begin to realize your worth and you refuse to let go of it, you’ll be surprised how easy it is to let go of the things that don’t serve you. You deserve so much better. Demand it, and you’ll be able to get over him for good in no time.
To get over him for good, understand why you’re hung up on him in the first place
Yes, you want to move on from him and never think of him again, but in the meantime, he’s on your mind 24/7. This is somewhat of a pattern in your relationships: you’re super dedicated when you’re into them but you have a really hard time accepting when they end. The easiest way to confront this behavior and to keep it from happening again is to understand why it happens in the first place. Here’s what could be going on.
You have a fear of abandonment. If you grew up as a child of divorce or had a strained relationship with one of your parents, it’s very likely that you have some latent abandonment issues that you’re not aware of and don’t fully understand. Because of that, you struggle to let go of the people that are in your life because it feels like yet another loss. You might know deep down that your ex isn’t right for you but admitting that would mean letting them walk away and detaching from the relationship and that’s really hard.
You’re embarrassed of another “failed” relationship. You might see the fact that your relationship ended as an embarrassing thing and you won’t want to admit that to your friends or family. Maybe they thought it wasn’t going to last from the beginning and you’re terrified of proving them right, so you’re clinging to a bad situation so that you don’t have to face the fact that they were right. However, it shouldn’t be like that. Just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean it’s a failure, and if you want to get over him for good, you need to shift your perspective. Look for all the lessons you learned and take them with you. That’s how you turn it into a success.
Your self-worth is struggling. Could it be that you’re hesitant to let your ex go because you don’t think you deserve any better? When your self-confidence starts to slip, you start to believe that the treatment you get, no matter how toxic or soul-destroying, is what you deserve. To move forward, it’s so important to work on building yourself up and developing a rock solid sense of worthiness dignity. When you have that, you’ll be unbreakable.
You’re change-averse. No one likes change, and if you’ve been in a long-term relationship with someone, you’ve likely grown comfortable and happy with them and your life has evolved with them at the center. Now that the relationship is over, you’re at a loss. You can’t get over him for good (or at all) because it would mean having to change your whole life again, and that’s a scary process. However, it’s necessary if you want to grow and evolve.
You do truly love him. Just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean the feelings behind it end, especially not right away. You don’t just stop loving someone just because they’re wrong for you or they hurt you. Love is way more complicated than that. It could very well be that there’s unfinished business between you and that you need closure. The problem is, he may be unwilling or unable to give it to you. In that case, you’ll have to work on giving it to yourself so you can move on and live a happier, healthier life.
If you want some more tips for getting over a guy, check out this video from Taty Cokley:
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