11 Signs He’s Not “The One” (No Matter How Much You Want Him To Be)

The right guy will treat you with respect and always have your back. He won’t manipulate you or make you feel unimportant. It’s not always easy to distinguish between “The One” and “The One Right Now,” especially when you really, really like him. But if any of these 11 things sound familiar, he’s not your person.

  1. He Doesn’t Really Listen. He might maintain eye contact and ask questions but he’s not actively listening. The second you stop talking, he forgets everything you said. It’s not because he wasn’t paying attention but because he doesn’t care enough about your opinions to put them to memory. If he was “The One,” he’d appreciate almost everything that came out of your mouth.
  2. He Brings Out Your Nuts. Love can make people do nuts things. But being in love doesn’t mean you’re with the right person. Someone who’s a good match will turn you into the best version of yourself. They won’t push you closer and closer to the edge or make you feel like nuts. You should feel calm in his arms, not like you’re losing your mind.
  3. You’re Always Trying. It feels like you’re putting a substantial amount of effort into being his perfect girlfriend. You make sure you look nice on dates and you’re always cautious of what you say. You don’t even make decisions without consulting him. While you might think this makes you a good partner, it actually makes you incredibly needy. For whatever reason, he makes you feel dependent on him. That’s a sign of a manipulator.
  4. He Punishes You. You’re not sixteen and he’s not your mother, so why does he get a kick out of punishing you when you’re “bad”? If you piss him off (even unintentionally), he goes ice cold. He won’t have sex with you or even show affection until you’ve apologized. This guy has no problem playing the victim and making you work for his love. That’s another sign of a manipulator.
  5. You Have Opposing Values. Values matter. You shouldn’t ignore the fact that you and your partner have opposing ideals. If you do, you’ll probably regret it down the road. If you think family is number one and he thinks work is more important, life’s going to be difficult. If he’s a devout Christian who wants to raise his kids the same way and you’re an atheist, life’s going to be difficult. See what I mean?
  6. You Feel Anxious Around Him. You don’t feel at ease with him. Just the opposite actually. He makes you feel anxious about everything; your job, your friends, your family. Something about him makes you uncomfortable and afraid to be yourself. Maybe it’s his side-eye and condescending tone. When you’re with him, your anxiety is at an all-time high because you don’t feel like you measure up. Nope!
  7. He Doesn’t Challenge You. Conversing with someone you’re meant to be with should be fun! It shouldn’t feel like a waste of time. If it does, that means he’s not a good fit. He should ask thought-provoking questions and offer advice to help you grow professionally and personally. A partner should challenge you and you should challenge them. Is that not the case?
  8. You Never Argue. Every couple argues, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Arguments help the relationship grow if the two people involved are coming from a good place. Not arguing is the problem. It either means you’re too blinded to see disagreements, or you’re too worried to speak your mind. Either way, it’s not a sign of a good and healthy relationship.
  9. You Don’t Tell Him Important Things. He’s not the person you go to for advice, so it makes sense he’s not the person you go to with good news — or any news for that matter. That’s a pretty clear sign he’s not right for you. “The One” will be someone you want to share everything with because you know they’ll listen and be just as excited as you. But he’s not, is he?
  10. There’s A Lot You’d Change. No one’s perfect and most of us wish our partners had a couple of different qualities. The key phrase is “a couple of.” You shouldn’t have a laundry list of characteristics you wish your partner had. Or worse, a list you wish he didn’t. You’re not going to love everything about a person, but you should respect everything.
  11. You Really Want A Relationship. Be honest with yourself, how badly do you want a relationship? It’s easy to see compatibility when you want to, but don’t forget what matters. It’s great that you both work at the same company and love to travel. But that doesn’t mean anything if he doesn’t challenge your mind or make you feel safe. Don’t settle for someone who’s not going to fulfill you long-term, just because you’re tired of being single.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.