If You’re Tempted To “Check In” With Your Ex, Think Before You Send That Text

We’ve all wondered what our exes are up to from time to time, and it’s tempting to reach out to find out. However, even if it seems like a good idea at the time, it can open up a can of worms you’ll end up heavily regretting later on. Before you press send and try to “check in” with your ex, consider the following.

  1. He may not have thought about you in months. You may have been dreaming about his face for the past three months but don’t forget that he might have already moved on and has gone weeks without thinking of you. That text might come totally out of the blue for him and weird him out more than seeming like a sweet gesture. If the timing feels right, do it. If you’re unsure at ALL, don’t. You’ll thank me later.
  2. He might be cuddling with his new girlfriend when he gets the text. Just remember that he might be snuggling up with his new girlfriend when you send that “hey, just wanted to see how you’re doing” text. How awkward would you feel if you knew that? You would have never sent it in the first place, I can guarantee it. Please think twice before hitting send. It’s for your own good… and his too.
  3. You don’t need him anymore. The whole point of breaking up is, well, breaking up! You don’t need each other anymore so stop pretending that you two are still a thing. If there’s anything I’ve learned about breakups it’s that the more time that goes by without any contact, the quicker you get over it. Remember that you don’t need him. You’re stronger than that.
  4. It probably won’t lead to anything anyway. Honestly, if you’re hoping that your text is going to remind him of how perfect and amazing you are and will make him beg you to take him back, you’re living in a dream world. If he hasn’t contacted you in a while, chances are he’s moved on. don’t be the one to rehash something that doesn’t need to be rehashed. Just leave it alone.
  5. It might make you look desperate. Unless he’s in a downward spiral of depression and lost all of his friends, he’s gonna see your text as being a little desperate. The first thing that will pop into his mind is that you’re still in love with him, which he’ll either react positively to or very badly. Think about what you’d be thinking if he texted you out of the blue. What would you think? You’d probably be excited at first but then start thinking, “Damn, that’s desperate, dude.”
  6. Don’t kid yourself—you want to do more than just check up on him. We all know what you’re up to here and so does he. No one texts their ex “just because.” You might say that you just want to say hi but we all know the sub-text here. You’re secretly hoping the two of you will get back together. The question is, is it the right thing to do? Probably not.
  7. You’re going to give away all of your power. The second you hit send, you’ve put your potential future relationship entirely in his hands. Don’t do it! You don’t want to give him the opportunity to reject you, do you? Not only is it gonna hurt like hell if he rejects you, it’s gonna put the ball in his court permanently which will make it less likely you’ll be able to ever contact him again.
  8. You don’t want it to lead to something you aren’t ready for. Sure, you may have felt inspired to text him out of nowhere, but if you follow that gut instinct to send him a message, you might end up back together, which may not be the best thing for you right now. It’s always better to wait and really think about things rather than act on impulse. You don’t want to jump back into something that might end up hurting you all over again. Keep your heart safe.
  9. Depending on where he’s at, he might take it the wrong way. Keep in mind that he’ll probably take this text one of two ways—he’ll either get super psyched and take it as you wanting to get back together or he’ll see you as pathetic and unimpressive. If you really are sending this text just to be nice, don’t—no ex-boyfriend I’ve ever come across has only seen a text like that as being nice. It’s either you want something or you’re desperate. Think before you text.
  10. It’s going to keep you from fully moving on from the relationship. If you recently broke up with this guy, under no circumstances should you be checking up on him. Not to get all quantum physics on you but the only way to truly get over someone is time and space. Contacting him post-breakup to see how he’s doing isn’t going to help you get over him. In fact, it’s going to do the exact opposite. Don’t give in.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.