No one wants to be the girl who comes off as totally desperate to find a boyfriend. It’s unflattering, turns guys off, and most importantly, it totally undercuts all the amazing things about you that they won’t get to see because they’ll already have written you off. You may think you’re coming off as totally cool and like you DGAF, but the harder you try to project that persona, the worse it actually makes you look. Here are 10 seemingly innocent things you’re doing that seriously scream desperation:
It sucks that dating is a game, but it is what it is, and texting is a major part of it. Double texting screams, “I’m desperate and sitting here waiting for your reply.” If you’re sending another text that says almost the same exact thing again thinking it’ll get his attention, stop immediately and DO NOT hit send. If he doesn’t answer, he sucks. If you text him again, you do.
Asking if his phone is working/claiming something is wrong with yours.
This is kind of like the double texting thing because 99% of the time, the issue isn’t with the network or the phone and you know it — it’s with him. Again, if he isn’t answering you, he’s either legitimately busy or not interested. Either way, trying to make it seem like a tech problem is yikes-worthy.
Being “too” interested.
It blows that you can’t just be upfront and honest about the fact that you’re totally crazy about him, but if you’re too intense about it, especially early on, you seem desperate for his attention. That doesn’t mean you should be cold or act like you don’t give a damn when you do, it just means you should keep the overly effusive love poems to a minimum until the relationship progresses a bit.
Buying gifts or spending too much money on him when it’s brand new.
It’s normal to want to show your affection for the people you care about by gifting them things they would like or that would make their lives easier. You get your Mom a cleaning lady, your sister a massage, and your new boy…? You shouldn’t be getting him anything, at least not at first, unless it’s his birthday or Christmas. Although you might feel like its something you do for everyone that matters to you, it seems like you’re trying to buy his affection.
Doing “research” about him and then repeating your findings.
We all know that social media stalking and looking up everything there is to know about him on Google is a bad idea, but repeating it to him (even accidentally) is worse. If he hasn’t said it with his mouth in front of you, it probably isn’t something you should bring up over dinner. It kind of makes you look crazy.
Being too upfront.
Guys like not having to guess about your feelings, but there is such a thing as telling them too much. It’s one thing to let a guy know you’re not really a fan of Thai food, but it’s another thing to tell him that it gives you the worst gas of your life and you feel like you have to crap your pants. See where I’m going with this? Honesty is good, but too much information is not.
Surprising him literally anywhere.
If it’s a new relationship, PLEASE do not just show up anywhere because he mentioned to you that he’d be there. When you guys are new or not even really together, this makes you seem like a stage 5 crazy and then you’ll be back at zero because he’ll run like he’s being chased by something vicious that wants to eat him alive. Seriously. If you weren’t specifically invited, save the surprises until you’re official.
Always being available when he wants to hang.
He asks if you want to get dinner this week and you immediately reply that any night is fine with you. Big mistake. That makes it seem like your life already revolves around him — or at the very least, like you don’t have much going on in your life besides him. It’s better to ask what night he had in mind and maybe to mention that you have other things to do earlier in the week so he knows he has to fit into your schedule and not that he’s the only thing on it.
Making plans more than a week in advance.
This is a trap and it makes you look like you’re thinking too far ahead. Maybe you both love the local baseball team and their biggest rival is coming to town in two weeks. Go ahead and buy a pair of tickets if you know you’re going to want to to go, but don’t invite him until you’re sure you two are still a thing next week. Trust me on this one.
Making any comments about other women he may or may not be seeing.
Unless you’re exclusive (which is weird in the first two or three dates), this is off limits. It isn’t your business and it sounds really pathetic. You might really like him and that’s cool, but what he’s doing when he isn’t with you isn’t your business — at least not yet. Don’t be that girl that seems clingy, sad and desperate. You’re so much better than that!
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